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Reviews for Nemesis

By : cillaxox
  • From RanmaFan on September 10, 2007
    I hate loose endings too. That's why I'm so glad you didn't leave your story like that. Which is very good by the way, the story I mean. I love this couple. C:
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  • From Taiho on August 31, 2005
    Ah, it is good to find such a wide variety of writers for the Kuwa/Hiei pairing. I liked the premise for the story, especially toward the end.
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  • From ANON - kitsune on August 24, 2005
    That was so cool! I can't find many stories with these two together, and when I do, they usually arren't the best. This was a very well writen story. I hope you write more with these two. The idea of them together is so kawaii ^_^

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  • From ANON - KuraResa on March 14, 2005
    AWW. Such a great ending. Your fic is great. I can't wait till I read more of your work. Keep up the great work. n_n
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  • From ANON - KuraResa on March 14, 2005
    This chapter was really great. It all goes together smoothly too and it was funny. Keep up the great work.
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  • From ANON - KuraResa on March 14, 2005
    I really like the way you opened up the story with a letter, that's cool. Your fic is great. Keep up the good work. ^_^
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  • From YaoiGoddess on January 08, 2005
    Yay!

    *glomps cillaxox*

    You finished it! This was great, I'm gone for a month and come back to this! Yummy!

    *looks around*

    Just don't tell my readers that I've been gone so long with nothing to show for it... They might be upset with me. *sweatdrops*

    I'll admit that I was agreeing with Kuwa-chan on the whole 'why do we have to wait' thing but Hiei showed some wisdom there. Besides, now Kuwa's gonna live as long as Hiei does so it all works out in the end. That's a long time to be together... Will there be kids?

    Sorry, I'm a little obsessed with MPreg. *bangs head on desk* Which reminds me, I need to work on the baby shower chap of one of my fics. *sighs*

    Anyway, great fic, lots of well written emotion. Liked it much! And it's now on my recommended reading list! ^ ^;
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  • From ANON - She-wolf on January 07, 2005
    i just something to ask you. PLEASE PLEASE could you make a other Hiei/Kuwabara fic? Please? There not many of them and I would love to read a other one!
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  • From ANON - Alaskantiger on January 01, 2005
    Great story :)
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  • From ANON - She-wolf on January 01, 2005
    hey, great fic. Through I do wonder what Kurama would have thought if he fonud out that Hiei was with Kuwabara instand of him. Don't get me wrong I love a Hiei/Kuwabara fic!
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  • From YaoiGoddess on November 05, 2004
    Hmmm.... Interesting.... There aren't really a lot of fics that center around those two. I think you portrayed Hiei nicely. ^_^
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  • From ANON - Anon on September 19, 2004
    Aside from having a bad voice actor, Hiei should consider that we know Kuwabara when he's 14-16 and what goes on with boys at about that age? P-U-B-E-R-T-Y! Anyway, Kuwabara would definately grow out of that voice once he physically becomes a man.
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  • From ANON - Soseimaru on September 18, 2004
    *squeeeeeeal*

    Oh that was great :o
    Kuwabara fics are my newest thing and my favorite now. I was expecting the whole Kurama and Hiei thing, then as I read the letter I realized that was definitely -not- Kurama in mention. Hiei's response was about what I expected, but I felt bad for him, getting teased just when he thought he was ready to come on out and admit what he felt. I think anyone would have lost their nerve.
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  • From ANON - MistressofDragons on September 18, 2004
    well. . . the letter turned out very nice. i can actually see Hiei writing something like that. however, the rest of the story had horrible formatting. it was very hard to read. a little advice: when someone else beginlkinlking start a new paragraph, even if the paragraph before it is only a sentence. Here is an example(i'm writing it on the spot so there will be spelling errors and such)

    Red eyes narrow, "Baka."(names aren't alwaycesscessary. in fact reading 'Hiei said this then whoever said that and then Hiei responded' gets rather boring. intersperce 'so and so said something' with descriptions of actions that give clues to how the speaker is feeling/talking)

    "Don't call me that, you shrimp!" (now usually it's best to give clues as to who is speaking but if it is obvious you can have an occasional sentence of dialogue like this)

    The small form leans against the wall, arms crossing in front of his chest, "I can do whatever I want, human. Now leave, you annoy me with your idiocy."

    "Hiei--!" Fists clench, small pops sounding as knuckles crack, "Knock it off! I'm sick of being treated like this!" One fist finds its way into the wall next to a delicate looking cheek.

    Hiei smirks, small fingers brushing over high cheekbones and through stray curls escaped from hardened gel, "Then make me change my opinions of you, oaf. Not that a worthless human could ev---!"

    A shaky breath escapes moist and kiss swolen lips, "Sorry, Hiei, I didn't mean. . . Got you to shut up though." (sometimes, ok most of the time, its better to actually describe what's taking place but every once and a while it's better to just describe the afteh ofh of an action and leave the audience guessing as to what exactly just went on. note that i didn't say what just happened. there should be ample clues to what happened, there just doesn't need to be concrete descriptions like 'Their lips crushed together in a hasty kiss.' or something.)

    "Ku-Kuwabara? How dare you?!"

    Kuwabara takes a steck, ck, slipping unconsciously into a defencive stance, "I said I was sorry, alright?! I didn't mean. . ." He trails off abruptly, "You. . . You said my name? I. . ." A brilliant smile slowly tugs up the corners of his mouth, "Thank you, Hiei. Who knew a. . ."

    Hiei steps forward with a growl, true emotions betrayed by the tentitive yet genuine smile forming on his lips, "Shut up, ba-Kuwabara. Who said you could stop? I find. . . I quite enjoy your taste." His smile becomes devious at the other boy's scarlet blush and he dashes forward in a blurring move, laughing at the startled yelp and subsequent gasp of pleasure.
    ***

    See how much easier it is to read when things are broken up? If you were o bao back and fix the ending this would become a truly adorable little venture into Hiei/Kuwabara. oh and the author's notes within my little example? they are only there because this bit was intended to show various techniques in writing. i put them in so you could have explanations right next to the examples. In a real story such notes are a very, very bad idvirtvirtual suicide.

    anyway i do hope to see more of this (with proper formatting, i beg you!). I'll be going now. If you have any questions, comments or you want someone to read over corrections or continuations to this story before you post, I have left me email above.

    ja ne!


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