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Reviews for Torturous Death

By : koorinoinu
  • From ANON - swissnights on November 22, 2006
    to as true i don't get it
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  • From ANON - steph on December 09, 2005
    Keiko is dead thats so awesome!! well not if you like her but i dont so go you!!! *throws cookie* i liked it hope you continue!!!
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  • From ANON - Annonymous on November 09, 2005
    Er..the sword you're thinking of is called a 'kodachi'. And...the story would have been interesting to read were it not so rushed and thrown together.
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  • From ANON - kit-kit on November 09, 2005
    cool story
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  • From bitBlackmage on November 09, 2005
    I thought long on and hard on this story. I really did.

    I couldn't possibly give you an honest opinion on this. You wouldn't want it anyway. The most that I'm going to say that is you could make paragraphs and throw in more description of the setting and characters— maybe even tell us what exactly is going on in this demeaning one-shot.

    PARAGRAPHS:

    When Hojo looked up he saw a young man with dishwasher blonde hair. He was in jeans and a hoody. As he walked closer you could see a glint of metal in his hand. When Hojo looked closer ha saw that it was a kudachi. Hojo saw an evil glint in this man’s eyes as he walked closer to Keiko.

    “Who are you and what do you want?” Hojo screamed in fear.

    “I am Hennajin and I want her death. She has defiled the meaning of man.” The man spoke in a cold yet calm voice.

    Hojo ran in front of Keiko who was still screaming in pain and insanity. “I won’t let you kill Keiko. She has done nothing.”

    “Then you shall die with the one you so dearly love. Only a fool could love this menace.”

    See how easy it to use paragraphs? I'm not going into characterization because both you and I know what's wrong here.
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