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Reviews for Instinct

By : AmyMcClair
  • From ANON - Coffee Gyrl on November 08, 2006
    Much better! This is much easier to read. I like this cute one shot it was very nice and in character, good job.
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  • From BlueUtopiah on October 30, 2006
    Are you sure that this is your first fanfic? Because it's amazingly good for the first one.

    Since you asked, as far as concrit goes: aside from the formatting problem (one giant paragraph) and the other thigs Thoth Moon brought up, the only thing I can point out is that Jagan is spelled incorrectly. But I also want to point out the good things: I love your description of Kurama fidgiting, the concept of the fic was very creative, and the execution makes me want more.

    I also have this thing for half-transformed Kurama and you gave me a nosebleed. HUZZAH!
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  • From CoffeeGyrl on October 30, 2006
    Good possiabilty but you need to put some spacing between groups of lines. All one paragraph like this is difficult to read. But all in all not bad.
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  • From ANON - thoth_moon on October 30, 2006
    Creative criticism--I have none! It was good, straight up.

    Now, *slight* grammar criticism--in a few places you were missing either a vowel of a consonant, so that instead of "of" you had "f," or "his" you had "is." Also, Hiei's name is not capitalized once, and toward the end you describe Kurama's changing hair as "read" with white streaks.

    But, those are just small mistakes that we all make, and pale in comparison to the actual content of the story. Reading it, the way Kurama was so fidgety reminded me of how an old classmate would get if he went too long without a drink or a cut--though, in this case, giving in and finding release was the positive thing to do! I also think that you kept concerned Hiei very much canon--worried like he was during the match with Toya, but not out of his mind or anything, which I think would be too unlike him ^__^
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  • From ANON - Niiro_Yuuyake on October 30, 2006
    that was interesting. I had never thought about that before. Wonderful insight.
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