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January 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This is a good story..but the onyl thing is you use the name's too much. Every sentence has either Kurama or Hiei's name in it....try using some descriptions like "The red-head fell to the floor after the sharp tug by Hiei, and looked up into the smiling dark face." sorry, and I hope you don't take the advice too personally. It is a good story, though!!
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December 30, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Ugh! The sentence structure was really bad. Here's a hint of advice: Try putting some of the sentences together. It might help.
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June 17, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I won't kill you I'LL MASSIQUER (sp) YOU. Nice f.f. tough
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May 31, 2004 at 12:00 AM
interesting hum please continued your doing good.
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May 30, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I've read all your stories and there great and this one is awesome you are a talented writter keep up th good work.
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May 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
wow. i love the lemony goodness of the fic but i love the fact that theres a plot developing. if its angsty and its going to make me cry all the better. looking forward to that update! =]
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May 23, 2004 at 12:00 AM
i like all your fanfiction here it's so good i read ummm what was it oh yeah it was I Love You i cryed and cryed it was so SAD i LOVED it just like THIS one :)
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May 23, 2004 at 12:00 AM
very good, very good. love the idea. please continue!!