Adult-FanFiction.org : YuYu Hakusho

More as only friendship	By : Suryallee7104 Category: Yuyu Hakusho > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 2912 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuYu Hakusho, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
More as only friendship

Chapter one

Disclaimer: I do own not a single one of these characters or Yu Yu Hakusho! They and it, belong to someone else!
I wrote only my imagination down, that�s all.

Pairings: Kazuma/ Kurama/ Hiei

Type: Continuation, Multi chapter Fanfiktion, Darkfik.

Rated: NY17

Warnings: Yaoi, Waff, Dark scenes, Romance, Action, Adventure, Hentai, Angst, Horror, M/M, Slash, Oral, Anal, Out written sexual scenes between two and more persons, No for children, Adult.

See, Jovian wolf girl? I told you I would write you one but don�t expect
me to do this kind of thing ever again people. It�s only I wanted it this time
and nothing other.

I will write what ever I want to write and nothing more or less. And I
will definitely not change to write what I want for anyone, because I don�t
want to. I love my fiks as they are and made myself many troubles to write them
and stay up all night to learn and to write them. It takes allot of my energy
away and allot of my free time as also.

Suryallee

Inner thoughts of a
lone soul

Dear diary,
How the fuck am I supposed to write this down!
Or even to put it into a sentence that makes it
not even worse as it is before!!
Well as to begin with it, I think Urameshi
would laugh his head of if he will ever find out about what and more so, who I
stumbled today. Or was it night? However! Not important to the st6ory!!

The day was harmless as ever, the end of it not!
I mean, who would have known that my sorry as would stumble one day into a
situation like this!!
I really hope they will not kill me if they
ever find that out. I am sure that Hiei will do but hopefully Kurama will stop
him before he does this, because I would really like to stay alive.

What happened? What happened??
I saw them both! That happened.
I will never get that image out of my sorry
head again that is as sure as the hell is frozen over!

On my way back home, no less.
And now here I am sitting on my desk and try to
write this from my soul because if I would try to speak about this to anyone
else I know they would never understand me at all. Means Yusuke would call me a
weirdo, Kurama would feat me to one of his plants, Hiei would let his dammed
dragon eat me (if Kuramas plants would not be fast enough to get the most of me
before he would try�) and last but not least, Yukina would never say a word to
me again.

Maybe I should instead try to talk about this
with Genkai?
Baasan could understand and help me to sort
this all out; yes I should really try it I think. But then again, Yukina lives
there and if she ever finds out that I saw her brother do� something
like�Uhm�well� This! I would never live it down.
My sister would only laugh and tease me with
it, Yusuke is not in this and the two demons�Uhm better not to think about what
their reaction of this would be!

So what else could I do as to write it down and
hope that they never read this?
Nothing.
They wouldn�t understand me anyway, Hiei hates
me, and he made it clear all the time I knew the shrimp. Kurama�, Kurama he is
one of the few persons in my live who lets me not feel like an idiot all the
time. He would be disgusted like everyone else if he would know.
I hate my live!
Why does everybody believe that I have to be an
idiot anyway? I am not and besides that I try my very best and all. But that doesn�t
matters to them all, they only see my face and bang, in their thoughts I am marked
as an idiot and ugly! Why it is this way I don�t know, not that I want to look
different I mean you only have to try to live one day to Kuramas live to know
what I mean.

That�s why I pass him up all the time since he
came back from the Makai to scare his fangirls away.
He doesn�t know that and I prefer it that way,
its better he never finds out that I have a crush on him since the first day I
saw him.
However, as I also have a major one on his partner
Hiei. I better try not to think about what would happen if that yokai would
find this out!
Uhh oh!
I would be tortured to my sorry end if Hiei
ever find that out.

I have known that those two are a couple, how
Urameshi did not recognise the signs of them being together is a miracle to me.
Dense as he can be sometimes, he really thinks until now, I would not know that
Yukina is Hiei's sister also!
Even Genkai told him once that I have heither
spirit awareness as him; Yusuke never got it I think.
I know so many thinks the others never would
believe me to know, why do they have to think of me that way?
I better stop this trail of thoughts of me
before I do again something I will regret later as the last time.
You know, the day I snapped when they all where
away in the Makai, because I missed them all too much.
Wasn�t my best day, I think�

Koenma never told them all, I think its better
this way. To commit suicide is a weak attempt to escape the sorrows of live, Keiko was right in this. But I couldn�t help myself,
they all went away and leaved me alone here!
Simply as it is, I couldn�t take it any longer,
all the stares and insults� to be a spirit detective gave my live a meaning, a
way to be someone and help others. Without my friends I lost every thing that
was important to me. To not be able to see them or to help them was the
nastiest thing that ever happened in my live. I was so down at that time, sure,
I ended my school and got good grades in the end but I missed them all badly.

But that wasn�t it all that made me do such a
stupid thing, it was the way Koenma and every body else begun to treat me after
their leave, or did they it before and I never saw it only? I am not sure,
thought it could be the latter, as I am nothing, only just a big monkey to step
on and nothing more.
You would have thought, since Yusuke was not
there to protect the world he would ask me to help him, how wrong you are!
No, Koenma did not ask. He even asked my sister
to be his new detective until he could get Yusuke back, right in front of my
face! Like I wasn�t there�
That�s why I finally lost it. Not that I am jealous
of Yusuke, or wanted to do this fucking job anyway, no that�s not it. The way
he acted against me, Kuwabara the idiot who cannot figure anything out before
it is too late, Kuwabara the idiot who needs a lead like a cow. He let me feel
at that moment that he thought of me as everybody else do it!
Kuwabara, Kazuma, the idiot.
It hurts to have no more worth to someone you
work for years freely as nothing.

It hurts!

I realised that day Yusuke went to Makai that
only Genkai considers me not as added muscles to the group. Every body else
even did not tell me one single word before it happened, before they leaved me
behind.

Shizuru seem to know what I felt that day after
Hiei and Yusuke went trough the portal, she even tried to get me out of my
brooding mood. My sis told me I would never stand a chance to make it living
through the Makai, if my live depended on it. Yes, she put it into nicer words
but the meaning is the same in the end.
It is just like Hiei told to Yusuke and me in
the beginning; they all had to baby-sit me all the time.
That�s exactly what they made me feel that
day, that I have no brain to think for my own and that I am hopeless without
Yusuke and Kurama and Hiei!
Hiei�
And what had happened to them all if I wouldn�t
have been there for them all the time to help them?
Nobody ever asked abut that, why?
Simple, I am replaceable, nothing really worth,
as Hiei put it in one sentence, to think about too much.
Only a baka ningen�

I better stop this, it leads to nothing as more
pain inside my soul, I never answered Koenma�

Since then has three years passed, three long
years of hopeless longing for their company and friendship I had before, or so
I thought.
I hope they will never find out how I really
think, they would only laugh about me and call me silly and weird.

Why?
Because I love them, that�s why.

Yusuke, as the brother I never had.
Kurama, as the most beautiful, sexy and sensual
person ever, that crossed my path until today.
And Hiei, as the sexiest little thing that
walks on two legs I ever saw before and that made me feel like I never have
before.
Oh, what would I give for have them all back
and to be with me like we all where before!
But this will never happen, not for all the money
in the world. Our paths have parted since Sensui stepped in our lives; I have
known it, back there. Would they had believed me if I had told them? I doubt
it, they would have laugh, and ignored me as always.

You ask why I love the two demons and Yusuke
then so much.
Good question let me think awhile about it.
Well� maybe it is like Hiei says it all the
time; humans are hopeless. Maybe it�s just me and my big heard, Genkai said so
once. I really don�t know, and I don�t want too, it hurts too much!

Hell! I cannot chose who I fall in love with
and not!
I simply did, and I fell hard you don�t know
how hard I fell�

But enough of my silly ramblings here and back
to today! I think I try to avoid it, no wonder who will blame me?
To put it bluntly into words, I saw them both
having sex.
And not simply that, I saw them make it out in
a clearing not fare away from my home!

I was on my home when I suddenly felt some
strong outburst of youki coming from the right of my position on the common
path through the park, I use mostly to walk home since I got a place on the
faculty I am study now in.
My sis told me not to do so, because she had a
creepy feeling about the park all the time since we both moved here. That�s why
I choose it to walk home? Call it my weak attempt to give my live a purpose and
it is only to watch out of the safely of my neighbours that way.

Anyway, I followed the strong lead back to its
source and found� them!
I know, I know; not very smart. But I couldn�t
help myself at first, I had to stay and watch the two demons I secretly have a
major crush on. Since, since ever!

I mean, what you would have done in my place, huh!
Turned and run?
Should have done that I think, would have been
better anyway. Somehow I felt like someone had spellbound me into the spot I
was in and had held me there to watch it out to the end.
I feel like a stalker now! The two are really
beautiful when they are lost in their passion, do you know that? Especially
Kurama and his voice first� heaven!

But I drive up again, don�t I?
First I felt embarrassed like never before in
my live, but then I have leaved them and have went back home.
I feel sorry, I really do! Shouldn�t have been
there in the first place, now these images will hunt me until I dye!
I am happy for the two, I really are. Both need
each other and to have each other.
I would never dare to try to come between them,
or let someone else do that to these two special someone�s in my live and soul.
If someone tried to do this to them, I would
kill this sorry person!
I wish these two to be happy, they deserve it!

Even if this means that I never can tell them
how I feel about them or how much I ever wished for I would be a little part of
their world.
I love those two too much for that and I could
never live with their rejection also. It would hurt me too much. I don�t care
that the most living people, human or demons alike, would surely call me a
weirdo and worse if they would ever know. It�s hopeless anyway, these two would
never look at me that way anyway and besides that, they all think I love Yukina
this way.

Oh, yes, I know that. I really like her much,
but not this way you think me too, only want to protect her from harm. I really
love her for her gentle heard and soul but not as a lover. I wish I could make
her happier as she mostly is, that really would be great!
She is the only one besides Genkai who is nice
to me and treats me like a person with a soul.

Not even my two crushes do that, or Yusuke for
the matter, he never did.
He treats me like a little dense friend, but it�s
ok; was ok�
Now he needs no longer my help, he will live
longer as me and will be capable to face everything that could be a treat to my
*brother* in every way of meaning.
I am so proud of him, I really am! Yusuke
hopefully never finds out of that.

Keiko and he will be a good couple in no
time, since he came back, he has been around her every day and he even got
himself a job!
He wouldn�t need any help from me now and that
is good!
I will not need to worry about him ever again.

Sis told me once not to worry too much about
his safely, but I can�t help myself, since I know him I do and I am sure this
will never stop. However he treats me, I will be there for him if he needs me!

As would be for the two yokai I secretly love.
Kami, I prey all my friends never find out how
much I love them all.
They all are a part of my live I wouldn�t miss
for everything in the world.

But I can not stop me from wishing sometimes
they would treat me a little with more respect.
That would be nice.

And I cannot stop me from dreaming of something
I will never have.
Why had Koenma to stop me from ending my live!
It would have been better I had gone to the afterlife
as to live in this personal hell of mine; I live in since I saw these two at
first!

It is good that paper cannot speak, I wouldn�t
have told it to it if it where the different way around.
Thanks for being patient; I really needed to
write this all from my soul.

Kazuma stared down on his just written words on
the slightly scrambled paper of his secret diary he wrote on since he was
seven.
Not even Yusuke knew that the psychic had begun
to write it ever and never found out that Kazuma wrote in it the entire
tournament long his sorrows down.
Nobody knew about the youth�s habit to write
his thoughts down on a piece of paper, or that he was used to debate with
himself this way. He never told them anything that would lead to this impression.
Not that Kazuma thought they would have cared if they would have known; he just
doesn�t want them to know.
To much of his soul was written down on the
papers and to much of him lay inside this words, the ningen thought it wouldn�t
be wise to let anybody ever read this.

His friend never found out that Kazuma learned
to write with five and that he knew about Yusukes family live that much as he
did it.
Kazuma had risked much that day he let his soul
float out to Yusuke in the water to anger him to live! Back then, after Rando
had outmanoeuvred the boy, on Genkai�s tournament.
He could easily have lost his live and soul
there.
The young human never told his friend this; he
doesn�t wanted Yusuke to worry about it.

He was that much deep into his thoughts that
the youth nearly missed the ki from his sister coming near to his door.
Hastily the youth closed his diary and put it
away before she could find his little secret out.
After Shizuru was gone again and as she told
him, out to went to a party of her friends, Kazuma opened it again and read
over the last side in it once again.

He had not known that Hiei was in the ningenkai
too, it had surprised the human to find that out.

Deep in thought, he let the diary drop into his
lap and recalled the slightly changed look the yokai had now. Not that Hiei had
grown much or that his features had changed, but his entire posture and outline
had it, strangely enough. To Kazuma he looked different to before and the youth
had treasured the secretly stolen view of the yokai deep into his soul.
Kazuma would never tell a soul about what he
saw in the clearing or what he really thought about his two former team mates,
the human psychic simply stored all he saw away deep into his soul and
treasured it secretly.
Inwardly he was cursing at himself, for being a
timid rabbit when it came to those two.
But then again; who could really blame the tall
red head for that behave?

After some seconds, Kazuma suddenly stand up
from his position onto his bed and closed the window as also he closed the
curtains, then he sat down on his room floor again and begun helplessly to cry
himself to sleep.

His shoulders were shaking in his tremors of
crying out his sorrow of his soul the entire time.

I know I should end
my others first but somehow I am in a very good mood momentary to write out
some ideas I had now for a longer time now. And this one here was promised so
here it is.
Tell me what you think;
I would like to know as I always do.
Suryallee
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More as only friendship