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A Little Laughter	By : UKImouto Category: Yuyu Hakusho > General Views: 2397 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own YuYu Hakusho, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
Hello, again! Well, there
seem to have been several stories updated since I last did mine. My mood of
late has contributed somewhat to the path of this story. I decided to do what I
did with my last fan fiction and post some BTW notes for curious souls. So,
here goes.

Rei�s name: Rei, according
to Japanese Baby Names at babynameworld.com, means �gratitude�. It�s also used
in the language itself for spirit or ghost, a companion, a command/order, and
the Japanese spelling of the English word �ray� (like ray of sunshine). I chose
this very short word because of its duplicate meanings and its implications to
this particular character. Galis, her last name, was actually a name I THOUGHT
I had totally made up. Apparently not, because I�ve had someone send me an email
once, mad because I had used their last name. I didn�t know the person, so it
was rather awkward.

Yoko Kurama�s name:
Something odd I found: Yoko is actually a girl�s name in Japanese, too, though
I bet it has other meanings that I�ve yet to find. It means �positive�. XD

The demons: Most of the
demons mentioned here with the exception of canon demons are actual
demons/voices that make themselves known in my mind. A great deal of truth
resides embedded in this story. However, there are some places where I�ve
stretched the truth for purposes in the story, and that is quickly becoming
more and more the case as the story progresses.

Jirkle and Morana: I just
wanted to make this very, very clear. They are NOT Michael and Sevon. The only
reason I suggested this is because I found that they fit the personality a
little bit and that it would have been a great comfort to Rei if she knew that
her friends had been with her all along. However, she still trusts Kurama to
hold onto them until after everything�s over. This chapter will question that
trust.

Disclaimer: Don�t own,
don�t sue, money tight, gotta get to art school next year. =P I also don�t own
Simple Plan. They are the awesome band.

Chapter 13: Breaking Down

All through our
okonomiyaki dinner, I couldn�t help but think on what had happened at Genkai�s
temple. Michael and Sevon were still with me, had been with me the entire time.
I wondered briefly why they had kept their identities a secret. However, I had
no doubt that the pair had good reasons for what they did, and I wouldn�t doubt
them. Jirkle and Morana were just as much my friends as Sevon and Michael had
been. I trusted them and their judgment far more than I had trusted anyone else
thus far.
Why change that now?
But I had changed it, I
had already changed the fact. I had entrusted Shuichi, Kurama, so much that I
allowed him to continue to hold my pendant. Sure, it was a tracking beacon or
whatever for Xanatos, but there was more to it than that. It was my pendant, my
only connection to my friends. I had allowed him to take it from me, and hold
it. I don�t know precisely what he�d done with it, but I did know that Jirkle
and Morana spoke to him pretty often. Though exactly when they spoke and when
Shuichi told me what they�d said was a different story.
I mean, after all. We
couldn�t have other people knowing that Shuichi was hearing the same voices I
had. They�d think he was the crazy one.
For some reason, I found
that thought amusing. The rest of the table was busily engaged in eating their
okonomiyaki, or just talking about family things. I really hadn�t said anything
since we�d arrived. The sudden smile on my face must have caught Hatanaka-san�s
eye, though, because he spoke to me.
�Exactly how did you meet
Shuichi, Rei?�
�I rode his bus,� I said.
�And happened not to be listening to Simple Plan at the time.� I joked,
laughing at the idea. Trying to meet someone and listen to music at the same
time was all but impossible. Believe me, I�d tried it.
�Simple�plan? What is
that?� Hatanaka asked.
�It�s a band that I listen
to, from America,� I said. �I�m originally from Virginia, on the eastern coast.
That�s where I was born before my dad was stationed here.�
�What happened to your
father, if you don�t mind my asking?�
I blinked, suddenly
trapped under the gaze of all present. I hadn�t been willing to answer
Shuichi�s question about my brother, and his green eyes were curious even as he
was sympathetic. I stuttered a moment, not quite sure what to say. �He�um�well,
he�s�he�s kind of�well��
�You don�t have to answer
if you don�t want to, Rei,� Shiori said, frowning slightly at her husband.
�Oh, n-no, it�s just�well,
he died�a�um�a long time ago�and��
It wasn�t a �long time
ago�, but I wasn�t about to say that. They didn�t need to know I�d only lost my
brother and dad two years ago. Two years wasn�t a long time, not for death. For
death, it lasts forever, the impact of it. Shuichi stared hard at me, and I
knew he knew that I was lying through my teeth.
Or maybe Jirkle had opened
his big mouth. I sighed inwardly, knowing that Jirkle, if he trusted Shuichi as
much as I did, would have told him in a heartbeat. Jirkle wasn�t one for
keeping secrets. Of course, trying to discern whether Shuichi knew, exactly,
was a task even the most foolish wouldn�t undertake. His face was unreadable.
�I�m sorry to bring it
up,� Hatanaka said. �Especially in light of recent eve�ow!�
Shiori had hit him over
the head, lightly, but enough to get his attention. I sighed and set my head on
the table, just below my empty set of plates and cups and chopsticks. This
wasn�t my family. As much as I wanted one, as much as I might need one, this
simply was not my family. This was not my mother, this was not my father. These
were not my little brothers.
The ride home in
Hatanaka�s little red car was quiet. Kokoda had fallen asleep, and Shiori and
Hatanaka had somehow come to the agreement to be quiet for some odd reason. And
Shuichi was almost always silent when everyone else was. It was almost like he
wasn�t there. I sighed, staring out the window at the kanji neon signs going
by, at the regular signs and the colors and lights. Some were going out for the
night, but others were just coming on. It was Tokyo at her finest.
When we came to the house,
Hatanaka carried the still-sleeping Kokoda inside, and I followed languidly
behind Shuichi. I was in desperate, dire need of Simple Plan music now.
Anything Simple Plan. Basic human psychology suggests, according to Kamiya-san,
that when we enjoy something but haven�t done it or seen it or whatever in a
while, we want it right away. I trudged inside the house and straight into
Kokoda�s room, now �mine� for a time.
I leafed through every one
of my disc cases.
The CD was not there.
I tore open the cases
again, searching each one almost viciously before tossing it on the futon. I
groaned softly and, without thinking, spoke in my mind.
~*~Hey, Jirk, you seen my
Simple Plan CD?~*~
No answer.
~*~Jirkle!~*~
Still no answer.
Then I slapped my forehead
and went to search for Kurama. How stupid of me to forget that I no longer had
Jirkle at my beck and call. I was such an ungrateful person, why did I have to
be such a burden to everyone? Why couldn�t I just sit in my room at my house
and listen to music until I starved to death? It would be a fitting end for one
such as me. Of course, I�d probably chicken out soon after and slit my wrists
instead. Or go out and burden other people with my presence again.
I sighed and shoved all
those thoughts from my mind. It wasn�t in my power to fix what had been done
already. All I had to do was try and be of help. Maybe I could help with
something, though what I could do was not really anywhere within my capacity of
thought. About the only thing I could do
was draw pictures and I guess I was a decent singer. Yeah, that�s it, I could
sing somebody to death.
I pushed through the door
into the hallway and knocked quietly on Shuichi and Kokoda�s door. When
Kurama�s smooth voice bade me to enter, I turned the knob slowly. I was
suddenly terrified of Kurama�s reaction to my question. I mean, what did he
care if my CD was missing? And as if Jirkle would know where it was, he hadn�t
been with me in my mind for nearly three days now. Now feeling quite foolish, I
shut the door again and turned to go back into Kokoda�s room.
�Rei?� Shuichi stepped
into the hall. �What did you need?�
I smiled, shame-faced, and
shook my head. �It�s nothing, I�m sorry I bothered you.�
�Do not lie to me, Rei,�
Shuichi said, smiling wryly. I frowned and leaned against the frame of Kokoda�s
door. �You wouldn�t have knocked on my door if it wasn�t of importance to you.�

I sighed. �I know, and I�m being selfish and foolish. It�s nothing. Really.�
Shuichi sighed and a thin
line appeared on his forehead. He was frustrated with me. I recognized the look
from the many times Morana had asked if I was okay after Dirken�s visits and I
would lie. �Rei��
I folded my arms over my
chest. �It�s just a CD. I�m missing one, and I wanted to listen to it.�
�The Simple Plan CD?�
Kurama smiled. �I believe my stepbrother commandeered it, it should be quite
safe in the family station in the living room.�

I blinked at him, and sprinted through the house into the living room. Sure
enough, Kokoda was bobbing his head to �Shut Up�, his eyes shut tight with the
old rock�n�roll look that was so common among heavy metal listeners.
Hatanaka-san looked about ready to kill his son�and the machine.
�I�m s-sorry,� I murmured,
though no one could really hear me. I stepped over to the CD station and turned
the volume down to a more reasonable level, at least for adults. I gently
removed my CD from the player. �I�m so sorry, Hatanaka-san, I didn�t mean to
give you a headache��
�You didn�t,� Hatanaka
said, looking puzzled. �But thank you for turning off the noise.�
I smiled weakly and
apologized to Kokoda for turning off the music. I took my CD gingerly and
placed it in its rightful place in my CD sleeves. So much for listening to
music alone. I hated having music booming so loud, aloud. Music was, for me, a
personal escape from the world. And to have it broadcasted so that all could
hear it was like an attack on my own heart.
Despite myself, I began to
sing my favorite song, so softly that I could barely hear them whispering past
my own lips.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don�t belong,
And no one understands you.
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one can hear you screaming?
No you don�t know what it�s like
When nothing feels all right
No you don�t know what it�s like
To be like me�

To be hurt
To be lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you�re down
To feel like you�ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one�s there to save you
No, you don�t know what it�s like
Welcome to my life.

A soft knock came at my
door. I ignored it and started closing up my disc cases from my searching
frenzy. The door opened slowly, with the hinges creaking just a bit. I knew it
was Shuichi before he even spoke or walked. He knelt at my side and helped me
zip up the remaining cases and stack them neatly on the desk, all in complete
silence. When the task was complete, he stood up politely.
�I apologize. As I had
understood it, Kokoda-kun had your permission,� he said, softly. �Apparently
Hatanaka-san had the same thoughts.�
�It�s no big deal,� I
murmured, my eyes straying firmly to the ground. �It�s just a CD. I was just
worried that I�d lost it.�
�You didn�t act like it
was �no big deal�, Rei,� Shuichi said. �And I don�t think it was.�

I glanced up at him, at his hairline so I wouldn�t look directly into those
clear green eyes. �I love my music, is that a crime?�
�No. Nor is it a crime to
be upset that Kokoda took your things without permission.�
�I�m not upset with him!�
I shouted, now near hysterics. �Would you leave me alone?! I just want to be
left alone, okay? Is that too much to ask?�
He shook his head
slightly. �No, it isn�t. I will leave. I�m sorry to have caused you trouble.�
I growled. �Stop
apologizing for something you didn�t do, nor do you understand.�
He nodded. �Very well,
Galis-san. Hatanaka has asked Kokoda to do your chores for the next week as
punish��
�No.�
�I�m sorry?�
�Please, don�t punish
Kokoda-kun. He didn�t do anything wrong.�
�I�m not the one who makes
that decision, Rei,� Shuichi smiled faintly. �If you do wish to lock yourself
in this room and play the music as loud as you can scream, though, do feel
free.�
I smiled softly. �Locking
the door sounds good. But I won�t be doing the latter.�
Shuichi nodded and exited
the room. I sighed and took him up on the offer of locking the door. I opened
the disc case I�d put Simple Plan in and popped it in my PCD player, leaving
only one earphone on as I settled in at the desk. I fished a blank sketchbook
from my book bag, hidden as best as I could from everyone else. I proceeded to
sketch, everything in the room. I memorized every contour and line, and started
drawing Kokoda as he must be in his room normally. I giggled lightly at the way
he might sleep�spread-eagled, his mouth agape and drool on the pillow. He
probably didn�t really sleep that way, but it was an amusing image.
I barely heard the soft
knock come at my door again. I hid the sketch again, shutting off the PCD
player with one hand. I pulled my bag up onto the desk beside my jacket and
shoved the sketch into my bag. I didn�t bother to zip it up as I unlocked the
door and pulled it open.
�What�s up?�
�Rei, don�t you have a
meeting with Kamiya-san today?�
I blinked twice, then
swore under my breath as I raced back into the room to grab my jacket and a
pair of socks. I didn�t even bother to look at my jacket as I fisted one arm in
my hand and yanked it off the desk in my rush. My book bag clattered to the
floor, throwing papers, notebooks, and to my horror, my sketchbook wide across
the white carpet. The sketchbook fell open to the page I�d been working on. I
shrank away as Shuichi made his way into the room and started picking up the
paper.
I stared at the
sketchbook. I couldn�t move, so frozen with fear of what Kurama would say when
he got to the sketch and picked it up. It was the one of Kokoda asleep on his
futon, spread out in his boxer shorts and drool pooling on the floor beside
him. The sheer terror that gripped me was unlike anything else I�d ever felt.
Shuichi paused upon
reaching the sketch, staring at it with those large green eyes. He glanced up
at me, meek little frightened me. His hands moved to place the papers he�d
picked up already on the desk even as he knelt before the sketchbook. No words
were needed, I knew immediately what his reaction was. He was disgusted with
me, for drawing such a horrible depiction of his stepbrother. I sighed
inwardly. I might as well kiss this beautiful little friendship good-bye. I
might as well have done that ages ago, when I�d first set eyes on him.
A foreign sound came from
Kurama, and it took me a whole minute to realize that he was laughing. I felt
like crying, even felt the prick of hotness at the corners of my eyes. He was
laughing at me, laughing at my hideous idea of �art�. Then he glanced up at me,
chuckling still.
�How did you ever see him
sleeping? You�ve never come in our room at night!�
I blinked at him. �Uh�I
sort of just made it up.�
�Why don�t you ever draw
at school? Take art?� he asked, picking up the sketchbook. He ran his thin
fingers over the pencil lines. �You�re very talented, Rei.�

I blushed, shaking my head. �No way, I�m not good. I just doodle when no one�s
looking so no one will laugh at me for trying to be something I�m not.�
Kurama looked at me for a
moment before asking. �May I look through this?�
�There�s only the sketches
I�ve done in the past couple of hours,� I said, shrugging in what I hoped was a
nonchalant gesture. Kurama flipped back to the front page, where I�d sketched
several elements of Kokoda�s room, including the stack of CD cases he�d helped
placed on the desk. I�d actually had to mess up the neat stack he�d made to get
a good picture of it. I didn�t really know why, but uniformity did not make an
interesting picture to look at.
�You didn�t even have to
look at Kokoda to draw him accurately,� Kurama said, smiling again as he
reached the sleeping boy. �Nor did you have to know what he usually slept like
to know that this is how he does sleep.�
I shrugged. �I just
remembered some stuff about him, he�s not that complicated, unlike you.�
�You read him as a person
and knew enough about him to draw him accurately, both in character and in
physical persona,� Kurama said seriously. �That is a gift, Rei. Why are you
trying to hide it?�
�Because�because�� The
words were lost. I finally looked at him with pleading written in my eyes.
�Please�please don�t tell Kamiya-san. Or�anyone else. Please?�
Kurama sat down on my bed,
staring at me with calm, unreadable eyes. �Rei�why are you looking at me like
that?�
I blinked, taken aback.
Then� �SHIT! I�m gonna be late!� I shoved my sketch quickly under the stack of
papers and raced out the door. I didn�t even realize Kurama was directly behind
me until I was sitting on the bus seat next to him.
Kurama murmured under his
breath as we sat in silence. I glared out the window. Kamiya-san was going to
be furious with me. And it wasn�t even my fault. Damn, why couldn�t I have kept
my drawings a secret until I�d gotten out of that house? It wasn�t like I
couldn�t wait to draw. It wasn�t like I couldn�t control myself. I glared
harder at the window, at the glass, willing it to shatter. Damn it. Damn it.
DAMN IT.
I couldn�t.
I was lying to myself.
I couldn�t stop the
drawings, I couldn�t stop the lines from coming from my hands. I couldn�t halt
the mesmerized staring at the angles of a face, and the way a neck connected to
a head.
I stopped glaring at the window and started looking at it. Studying it.
Few people truly looked at the things around them. The bus window was dirty,
with little designs painted there by the dust that settled there from months,
maybe years of never being cleaned. The latch was chipped, and greenish, maybe
made of some copper that had aged. Black leather covered the upper part and
lower part, though some of it had ripped, leaving a bit of wooden trim there by
my shoulder.
�Rei�� Kurama murmured
softly. No one else could hear him but me. �Rei, why are you smiling now? Just
a little while ago, you looked as if you�d die just for the simple fact that I
saw your drawings and now you�re smiling.�

I glanced at him, in his brilliant green eyes. Little flecks of yellow and
flecks of pale blue were in them, though none of the molten gold I�d seen a few
times. I wanted to ask him about those eyes. But his brilliant green came not
from a simple green, but a side-by-side blue and yellow mixing from a distance.
�I�I-I-I don�t know.�
�Are you cold?�
I blinked. �Huh?�
�You�re shivering,� Kurama
said, placing his hand just above my clothed wrist. My hand jerked back, almost
unconsciously. Just as quickly as Kurama had gained my trust, I had broken his
in me. I had crushed what little trust there was between us. I had failed as a
friend.

What a wonderful friend and person I am.
We were silent the rest of
the way to Kamiya-san�s office. Kurama waited outside the door as I sat down
quietly in the black armchair. Kamiya-san glanced at the empty sitting-room
chair, then back out the slowly closing door.
�Will Minamino-san be
joining us today?�
I didn�t answer.
�Rei?�
I sighed and curled up in
the seat. �Kamiya-san? Exactly why am I here?�
Kamiya-san placed his
clipboard and his pencil down. �It is my understanding that you went through
several traumatic episodes when you were small that brought about this
mechanism in your mind to create these voices in your head to buffer those
emotions.�
�That isn�t what I meant,�
I muttered. �Why am I here. On this earth, in this country, in this city. Why
am I in school, what am I here for. Who am I, Kamiya-san?�
He chuckled. �Rei, men
have tried to answer those questions for thousands of years. I don�t have an
answer for you.�

I sighed quietly. �I thought you�d say that.�

Kamiya-san smiled. �Those answers lie only with you. You can only answer them
by discovering who you are.�
I curled in tighter. �I
don�t wanna.�
�Why are you afraid, Rei?�
I sobbed quietly into my
knees. The tears came, unburdened by hands or tissues. I let them fall
unchecked down to the apple of my cheeks, letting them trail down and soak into
my jeans. Suddenly, all those years of keeping back my emotions, keeping back
the sorrow and the pain and the misery of being truly, completely alone, came
pouring out. I didn�t answer Kamiya-san, nor would I let him touch me to
comfort.
�I�m afraid of myself.�
�Why?�
�I don�t know! I don�t
fucking know!� I sighed into my knees. �Kamiya-san, the demons aren�t talking
any more. They won�t talk to me any more. I want my demons back, Kamiya-san,
and that�s fucking murdering me as it is.�

The doctor blinked. �They�re gone?�
�Yeah. They�re gone.�
Kamiya-san sighed. �Rei,
if the demons are gone, then why do you want them back?�
I buried my head in my
knees. �I�m�I miss them. They�re my friends.�
�What of Minamino-san?�
I glanced at the door.
�He�doesn�t trust me any more.�
�Why not?�
�I didn�t tell him about
something important.�
�What didn�t you tell
him?�
I remained silent for the
remaining twenty minutes of the session. Despite everything that Kamiya-san
said, despite every approach, I remained curled up in a tight ball on the black
leather armchair, silent as death. When I walked out of the office, I didn�t
bid him good-bye, nor did I lift my eyes from the ground. On the bus, I turned
on my music so loud in the earphones that the words blurred together just like
the yellow street lines outside as the bus whipped by.
When Kurama and I climbed
off the bus and headed for his house again, I spoke. �I want to die today. Is
it okay if I use one of your mom�s kitchen knives?�
Kurama grabbed my arm and
pulled me forward, as I�d once again been walking behind him. He seemed rather
upset about something. �Rei, what is wrong? You�ve been crying since we left
Kamiya-san�s office.�
I sobbed and bent my head
again. �I don�t know, why won�t you people just leave me alone? Why can�t I
just die and you wouldn�t have to worry about me any more!�
Kurama knelt lower so that
his brilliant green eyes were level with my head. He tilted my chin so that he
could look me straight in the eye. I tried to draw back, terrified of the look
in his eyes. �Rei, we care about you. That is all. We care about why you are
crying. Jirkle-san and Morana-san won�t stop yelling at me about it. Jirkle-san
wants to enter your mind and embrace you.�
I whimpered in the back of
my throat. �I�m nothing, I�m nobody, I�m just a fucking human girl, why won�t
you demons stop caring about a nothing like me!?�
�Because you aren�t
nothing, Rei. You�re an extraordinary person.�

I shook my head roughly. �I�m nothing. I�m just a little piece of something
much greater, and I�m not even a very big piece of it. I don�t have anything
except baggage.�
�I want to help you carry
it, Rei,� Kurama said. �We want to help you carry it.�
I blinked as suddenly
someone else came to mind. �Whatever happened to Kuronue?�
Kurama chuckled softly.
�Rei, stop caring about other people for just one moment and think about
yourself.�
�But that�s being
selfish!�
�You�ve got the right to
be selfish once in a while,� he sighed and let his arm fall back to his side.
�Yusuke and the others are waiting at my house for us.�
�What? Why?�
�A few complications have
risen.�
I nodded, knowing by now
that that was all I was going to get until after we�d reached the house. I
trailed behind him slowly as he continued on. We both knew that I wasn�t going
to walk by his side any more. He didn�t trust me. I didn�t trust him.
Simplicity itself. So why was I so tempted to run up behind him and laugh off
the whole thing, to ask him to flip through the rest of my sketches? To know
what he thought of them?
Why did I draw?
Why did I enjoy the feel
of a pencil in my hand?
Why did I never show
anyone them?
The secrets of my life
weren�t the greatest secrets of all life itself, but they were secrets that I�d
kept from all except my demons. So why now did I feel this irrepressible urge
to show Shuichi Minamino every single sketchbook I�d ever kept?
The answers lie within me,
Kamiya-san said.
So why am I asking myself
these questions and finding nothing?
***
^__^ There yeh go, chapter thirteen. How come whenever I
look at chapter 13, it�s always bad when I write it? I didn�t mean for it to
be. O_o Bizarre.

Thank you, Lonely Lust, for your review. ^__^ I like how I
describe Kurama, period. Because I love his character so very much. Plus, I�d
like to see what it would be like to mess with his head, or at least try to. XD

I have a question: Does anyone read my notes? I try to write
out what you guys might find interesting about me or about the story or about
where I get my information. If you still have a question, feel free to email me
or give me a review. I never really ask for reviews because, although I really
like them, it�s like I�m begging for something that you�re going to give me or
not give me whether I ask or not. Y�know?

Kurama with Rei�s pendant: The reason that Rei gives for not
asking Kurama every five minutes what Jirk and Morana are saying is the same
reason I have for not letting people touch my pendant. When you hold my
pendant, you feel an automatic wave of murmurs, so quiet that you have to
strain to hear them. You can�t hear anything clearly. It�s a little annoying,
but I find it better to turn on music than to take it off. I like my connection
to my demons. ^^;

Hatanaka�s questions: When Rei was talking to Hatanaka-san,
this conversation is taken almost directly from a convo I had with a lady at
work about how I�d met her daughter at school. XD She had never seen my dad,
nor had I ever talked about him. So she had assumed that mom and dad were
divorced, he was dead, or something. I just don�t talk about my dad. He was
never there for me when I was kid, and he�s still never there for me. So I act
like he�s not there, really, even when he is. A little sad, if you think about
it. His loss. =P

Part two of the questions: This is usually how I react when
I tell people that my best friend gave me my pendant. Because for some damn
reason, I can�t help but say �before he died� every time they ask.

Kokoda: I got a question for ya�ll if you see this note: WHO
THE HELL IS SHUICHI HATANAKA??!! I see stories all the time where Kurama�s
stepbrother has the same name as he does. In the anime, at least, his name is
Kokoda. Where are ya�ll getting that from? The manga???

In Search of Simple Plan: The episode where Rei is totally
in all-out gung-ho seek-and-destroy mode over her CD comes from several life
experiences. I�ve noticed that if you talk about something you like, and
especially if you haven�t seen/heard/done it in a while, you want to do
whatever it is right away, asap. I dunno why, but it seems to happen to every person
I meet. If I happen to remind my mother of Rocket Man (an oooooold movie) she
MUST watch it THAT NIGHT. It�s nuts. Anyways, I also tend to lose things very
easily, and the people around me know me almost automatically. They don�t even
have to see me put something down. They tell me �oh, it�s over there�. Sure
enough, it�s there. Weeeeeird. Anyways, like Rei reacts with Kokoda, I�m very
similar. I don�t mind you listening to my CDs, watching my movies, playing my
PS2. But freakin� tell me first!! Y�know? LOL, I had to get that off me
chest.

The Reaction that Rei has: This is very, very typical of me,
how Rei reacts to everything. I am very quick to bow my head and apologize,
especially for things I didn�t do or had no control over. Notice how Rei apologizes
both to Hatanaka for allowing Kokoda to take her CD, and then turns around and
apologizes to Kokoda for taking her own CD back and turning it off. Yes, I do
this. I do it all the damn time, and I don�t even realize it until someone
tells me, dude, it wasn�t your fault.

The Emotional thing over the CD: Yes, I�m still harpin� on
the CD thing. XD I get very emotional over the tiniest little thing once things
start happening all at once like they have with Rei. Notice how she hasn�t
really been thinking about anything, more just reacting to what�s going on
around her instead. It�s a defensive mechanism that I�ve developed that really,
really, really backfires in your face. Once things start piling up on me, I get
very testy and about ready to cry at any little thing. Even though I�m tough
most of the time, it�s when things get crazy that I lose myself in what�s
happening rather than in what I can do to make it better.

The Sketchbook: Yes and no. I�m somewhat like this and
somewhat not. Actually, I kept the fact that I drew quite open to my parents
and to just about anyone who glanced over my shoulder during church. I got my
practice for drawing during church, just drawing stuff around me and stuff out
of my Pokemon cards. ^^;; Yeah, I�m a PokeGen. Anyway, I say I�m somewhat like
this because I kept that passion for art, the fact that I loved it so much, a
secret. I just said, no, I�m not that great, I�ll never go into art as a
career, it�s not practical for me because I don�t enjoy it. I lied like that
for�um�^^; Six years? I didn�t even tell my mom I was going to art school until
after I�d applied for entry into two art schools last year. I got accepted at
IADT Tampa and will be going in October. ^_^

Emotional Dumpage on Kamiya: This is just like me. I�m less
likely to dump my emotions on a close friend than I am a perfect stranger. To
Rei, that�s what Kamiya is: a stranger. Rei would rather cry curled up in
Kamiya�s office than in Kurama�s arms. I�m the exact same way. I�d rather curl
up in a ball under my computer desk and cry quietly, and no one will ever know.
Except�ya�ll, now that I�ve told you. O_o�Yeah. Strangers. ^^;;

�I want to die today. Is it okay if I use one of your mom�s
kitchen knives?��I�m attempting a direct quote from myself, but don�t quote me
on it. I can�t remember who I said this to, but I scared the hell out of them
and scared the hell out of myself in the process. ^^;

Baggage: Hey, the baggage is an artist now, and therefore
not much of just baggage any more. ^^;; Uh�does that make any sense? It never
made much sense to me. I�m baggage, still am. Until I�ve made something of
myself, it�s how I�ll view myself.

Passion in the Pencil: Yeah. My art. ^^; I shall remember to
show ya�ll some soon.
- 12
- 13
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A Little Laughter