Adult-FanFiction.org : YuYu Hakusho

The Art of Loving Oneself	By : Megallica Category: Yuyu Hakusho > Yaoi - Male/Male > Hiei/Kurama Views: 4288 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, this is a work of fanfiction for which I do not get money.

Chapter List
- 1-1
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
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The next time Kurama woke, he was in his bed. His alarm went off, blaring the morning news at him. Something about an escaped convict somewhere. Kurama wasn’t listening. He shut off the alarm and stood, stretching. It was Sunday. He didn’t have to work. Thank goodness. It had all been a dream.

Kurama stood and headed to his bathroom, surprised to see Hiei there. “Good morning, Hiei.” Kurama smiled. After that horrible dream, waking up to find another person in his apartment had quelled his anxiety somewhat. He wasn’t as frightened.

“What are you doing, Kurama?” Hiei asked, staring at him. “Why aren’t you fighting?”

Kurama was confused. He looked around. Everything was calm. Why did Hiei look like he was going to jump out of his skin? “Hiei...?” Kurama walked forward and touched Hiei’s shoulder, hoping to calm him. Under his touch, Hiei seemed to relax significantly. It was a mere shrug of his shoulders but Kurama noticed it. He wasn’t at all surprised when, moments later, Hiei grabbed him by the front of his shirt and kissed him hard. Even so, Kurama dropped his towel and wrapped his arms around Hiei, pulling the hiyoukai into his bedroom.

Kurama pulled Hiei toward his bed, kissing him and all but tearing the shirt from Hiei’s body. “I’ll find something for you to wear later.” Kurama delighted in the shiver he felt under Hiei’s muscles when he ran his hands over Hiei’s chest and stomach. It seemed odd that Hiei was being gentler than usual. His nails didn’t dig into his arms as much as they usually did, even the burns on his skin didn’t sting like they should. “You don’t have to be so gentle.”

Hiei’s sharp fangs bit into Kurama’s lip slightly and the kitsune felt his back hit the bed when Hiei shoved him. “Be quiet.” Hiei stopped being quite as gentle. Kurama’s arms were bleeding slightly. He didn’t care. He’d heal them later. Hiei would never hurt him beyond what he could take.

A cry of shock tore from Kurama’s lips when Hiei’s hot mouth closed over the head of his dick. “W-watch your teeth, Hiei--” Kurama gasped. Hiei had never given him head before. What was going on with him? He was acting so strange.

Hiei’s teeth never touched Kurama’s prick even once. Kurama writhed and whined, hands fisted in Hiei’s hair. He scarcely remembered Hiei having divested of his pants when suddenly, far quicker than Kurama would have liked, his climax was torn from him with a near scream of a noise. He had a brief moment of panic afterward, wondering if he’d woken his neighbors when Hiei spoke again.

“Your neighbors are gone, Kurama,” said Hiei. “You are alone here."

Kurama woke with a start. He was still in the cave. Pinching himself, he realized, once again, he was awake. The delightful scene in his bedroom had been a dream. He was already so lonely as to have wet dreams about Hiei? Kurama was slightly disgusted with himself. Yes, he and Hiei had sex often enough but Hiei was never gentle like that. It was almost wrong. Hiei knew better than to be gentle with Kurama. Kurama would never stand for it. Apart from that, Kurama had been far too affectionate with him. That hadn’t been like him at all.

Kurama rested his head in his hands for a moment, still curled up against the wall of the cave. This was pathetic. He had to figure out where everyone had gone. None of this made sense. Had he lost his mind?

Standing, Kurama straightened his clothes as best as he could but felt no shame walking through Makai with his pants in such a state. It wasn’t like anyone was there to see him. Again, Kurama felt a stab of panic in his heart. He tried to push the panic away and headed out of the cave. He wasn’t going to let a dream unsettle him. He’d find out where everyone had gone soon.

The streets of Sarayashiki were still empty of people. Rather than getting used to the emptiness, it only became more profound as time went on. Kurama felt lonelier and lonelier. He glanced around, thinking he’d seen a shadow. His heart leapt, thinking of Hiei but when he looked at the space where he thought he’d seen the shadow again, it was gone.

It was strange. Kurama felt like he’d been alone for a week. Or perhaps not quite that long. The sun never seemed to set. Maybe he was asleep when it happened. When he looked down at himself, he was wearing a completely different outfit but he didn’t remember having gone home to shower. That was... odd.

“You idiot!” Kurama jumped. He was awake wasn’t he? He looked over his shoulder. He was home now wasn’t he? No. He was looking at Kuwabara’s TV now. When had he gone to Kuwabara’s house. “Are you listening now, you fool?”

Kurama knelt in front of the TV, staring at it with awe. The television was blank but there was a flickering quality to the blackness and Hiei’s voice came through clearly. “Have I... Have I lost my mind?” Kurama cringed again at the sound of his own voice. It sounded far too loud to his ears in the silence and yet still lacking in any sort of power.

“Quit mopeing. You are stronger than this.”

Kurama touched the television. “What’s... What is this? Am I still dreaming?”

“Just listen. You’ve been....” There was nothing but static for a moment and then Kurama no longer heard Hiei’s voice.

“Hiei?” Kurama waited. Nothing but the high-pitched buzzing noise was coming from the tv anymore. Kurama strained his ears. He could almost hear Hiei’s voice but couldn’t make out what the hiyoukai was saying. Then the screen went completely blank and utter silence fell once more. “Hiei? Hiei?! Come back!”

It was too late. Kurama had already gone mad from the loneliness.

I keep walking. Even now. How long has it been? Time is strange here. No matter how long I gaze at the sky, the position of the sun never changes. Once in awhile, I can almost feel a breeze and voices are carried to me on the phantom wind. I cannot hear what they say. I am so alone. Why am I so alone?

Why won’t anyone save me? Can I even be saved anymore?

It was a daisy. Kurama kept staring at it, feeling completely foolish. A daisy. But it reminded him so much of Kuwabara. What a strange association to make with the redhead. Nothing else felt like any of his friends. The television in Kuwabara’s home had lingering traces of Hiei’s youki. Or perhaps that was wishful thinking. Perhaps this daisy was Kuwabara. Kurama had long since decided he’d gone completely insane. The likeliest circumstance, in Kurama’s mind, was that he was dead and this was hell. He knew he hadn’t earned a less severe punishment than this. Trapped forever in this place where the plants didn’t know his name; stuck in this pretty human form he loathed so much. It was painful trying to revert. Kurama felt that if he could become a fox, he could endure this torture far more easily. He could run to the Makai hills and play until his brain gave in fully to the madness of this place.

For now, Kurama gently toyed with the flower that so reminded him of his friend. He missed Kuwabara. And Yuusuke. And Hiei. His mother, stepfather and little brother too. He wondered if they missed him. Kurama played with the petals, wanting to scream. The flower wasn’t listening to him. He wanted it to grow, to transform into Kuwabara. He wanted Kuwabara to come rescue him. Or Yuusuke. Or Hiei. How wonderful it would be if that were possible. How nice to be able to see his friends again. “I miss you,” Kurama muttered to the daisy. “I miss you, and Yuusuke. I do not know who I miss most of all. Probably my m-mother.” Kurama gasped, surprised that his voice had caught in his throat. Regardless of the fact he was only talking to a flower, Kurama felt better. Less afraid, less alone. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if the flower started talking back. Probably eat it.

Kurama laughed. “I haven’t eaten in days. Or months, or perhaps hours. I have no idea how long I’ve been here.... It seems I don’t need to. My body feels no hunger. Only anxiety and fatigue. This is a strange place.” Kurama started absently shredding the grass around the flower. This field was the prettiest place he’d found but even its beauty, even the flowers and trees and cloudless sky felt painful and cruel. “Have I died, Kuwabara-kun? Is this some horrible dream? Or have all the living creatures on Earth perished save for myself? It seems too cruel a fate. Even for someone as awful as myself.”

Kurama touched the flower again. He felt better once more. “I should go find Yuusuke. I expect you would not mind coming with me.” Kurama very gently unearthed the daisy, making sure it had enough damp soil to stay alive. None of the plants here ever seemed to change. Kurama was tempted to rip down a tree with his bare hands just to see what would happen. He almost wept when he glanced over his shoulder and saw a new daisy to replace the one in his hands.

The daisy hasn’t died. It’s still sitting there, on top of Kuwabara-kun’s television. I wonder if Hiei and Kuwabara are irritated to be in such close proximity. I must find humor somewhere. I still have not found Yuusuke. Perhaps if I went to his apartment, he would be there.

Kurama hadn’t been in Yuusuke’s apartment for awhile. He mostly stayed in Kuwabara’s home because that was where he sometimes thought he heard Hiei’s voice coming from the television. Hiei had been quiet since the first time. Kurama wasn’t sure how long it had been since he’d heard Hiei’s voice.

Kurama nearly jumped out of his skin when he walked into Yuusuke’s house and saw Yuusuke, standing there wrapped in that silly afghan. “Why did you leave, Kurama?” Yuusuke’s voice was a whisper. He looked so sad. Yuusuke never looked this sad. “Why did you have to go?”

Kurama trembled slightly. He wanted to answer but he was too afraid of this odd, spectral Yuusuke standing before him. Kurama didn’t even remember opening the door to Yuusuke’s apartment anymore. He’d completely forgotten how he’d gotten there. Kurama closed his eyes, hard, half hoping Yuusuke would be gone when he opened them but half-hoping he’d still be there.

He was. And now Kurama’s own mother was standing next to Yuusuke, weeping into her hands. And her tears were bloody. Kurama closed his eyes again. Wake up, Kurama. Wake up!

Kurama snapped awake. He was lying on Kuwabara’s living room floor. What had woken him up?

“Kurama!”

Kurama looked at the television again. Was this another dream? Or was any of it real? “What, Hiei?” Kurama didn’t bother trying to hide his irritation. He didn’t want to talk to the television again right now.

“Get out of this thing!” Hiei sounded really angry. “Why must you continually ignore me when I speak to you. I have been shouting for several minutes.”

“You’re not real, Hiei. You’re just a television.” Kurama glanced at the daisy on top of Hiei. On top of the television. “Please stop talking to me. I’ve already lost my mind.”

“This is hopeless, oaf. I told you he wasn’t listening.” The television screen went back to its usual blank screen and high pitched buzzing. Kurama unplugged it but the sound didn’t go away. That sound followed him everywhere now.

I wonder if I can die. I wonder if I can leap off a tall building and be dead. I think I already tried that yesterday. But the building turned into a toy. Yes. I remember now. This world won’t even let me leave it through death.

“Kuwabara-kun, I still have not found Yuusuke,” Kurama said to the daisy. He was still lying on the floor where he’d collapsed after unplugging the television. Unless he’d gotten up and done something between then and now that he’d forgotten. It felt like it had been years that he was laying here. “I wonder where he is. I am too frightened to visit his home. I am not sure if that was a nightmare or a vision. I swear I can smell the blood. Even now. Maybe it is my own. Perhaps I really am dying.” Kurama laughed. It was hollow and sounded wrong in the air but he laughed anyway. Laughed until he was half sick but even if he could throw up, there was nothing to vomit. There was still food everywhere. Everything was unchanging, even when Kurama tried to change it himself. The only things he’d managed were to put that ludicrous daisy on top of Hiei. On top of the television. Kurama laughed again, thinking of Hiei with a daisy on his head. Or better yet, Kuwabara riding on Hiei’s shoulders. It was so funny!

“Do me a favor and never climb atop Hiei.” Kurama smiled, eyes still closed. “I will be forced to kill you if you ever do.”

When he woke, Hiei was there again. But Kurama had learned by now that the presence of his friends was either a cruel dream, a nightmare or a hallucination. He couldn’t tell them apart anymore. “Hello, Hiei.” Kurama didn’t move, just stared up at Hiei from the floor, smiling vacantly. “Come to haunt me again?”

“You’re being ridiculous.” Hiei sat beside Kurama’s head and stared at him. “Get up off the floor. You are not a rug, you are a youkai.”

“You’re so funny, Hiei.” Kurama reached up to touch Hiei’s face, but Hiei flinched away. That was more like it. His last dream about Hiei had been strange. Hiei hadn’t been himself. Kurama didn’t even care that Hiei’s skin kept turning green. “What a bizarre dream.”

“You are awake this time, fool.” Hiei scoffed, adjusting his boots. “Why have you put a flower on top of the television?”

“Do not be rude, Hiei. I know you are not a fan of Kuwabara-kun but that seemed the best place to keep him.” Kurama ran his fingertips over Hiei’s arm and Hiei jerked away again.

“You are insane. You’ve been here barely a day and your brain is already addled. I expect better from you.”

“It has to have been years by now, Hiei.” Kurama folded his hands over his chest. “You are a very solid dream.”

“I am not a dream!”

“If this is not a dream, why does everything look so colorful?” Kurama looked at Hiei and watched him glance around at the walls.

“Everything is gray.” Hiei sounded alarmed now. “What colors? This world isn’t real. It is in your mind. Only the daisy looks real because you mean it to.”

“I know that.” Kurama sat up, looking at Hiei. He was sitting directly in front of the television now. Kurama wanted to weep.

“Don’t fall asleep again!”

“I was already sleeping.”

Much as I loathe to admit it, I believe I will require your help.

Kurama reached out and touched Hiei again. Hiei scowled but relented finally. Hiei stopped speaking. He stopped doing much of anything aside from responding to Kurama’s kisses.

It was funny. Hiei felt less solid now. It was far too easy for Kurama’s fingernails to sink into Hiei’s skin. Hiei was rougher, this time. It was clear he wasn’t holding back but this didn’t hurt as much as it needed to. Kurama egged Hiei on, biting at him until he bit back, clawing up his sides until Hiei burned him. It still didn’t hurt enough. It still didn’t feel real. “Fuck me,” Kurama muttered against Hiei’s lips. “Fuck me harder than you’ve ever fucked me.”

Hiei grabbed Kurama by the arm and half dragged him to the bedroom. It was his own and not Kuwabara’s this time. How strange... Kurama didn’t remember leaving Kuwabara’s house. “Do not speak again or you will be punished,” Hiei’s voice sounded cruel. Much better this time. This was a much better dream. “Undress.”

Kurama started undressing at Hiei’s command, feeling a thrill of lust at having Hiei dominate him. He liked topping Hiei just fine. However, sometimes, it was nice to be dominated. “Faster.” Kurama undressed as quickly as possible, but paused before removing his boxers. Had he always been wearing boxers? Kurama generally preferred briefs. How odd.

Apparently tired of waiting, Hiei tugged at Kurama’s boxers, burning them away. Even though fire licked at Kurama’s skin, it didn’t burn him. It nearly tickled and Kurama laughed. His laugh was cut short by the sound of Hiei spanking him. “Since when do you sp--” Kurama stopped when Hiei spanked him again. If only it would hurt a bit more. This hardly felt real at all.

“On your hands and knees.”

Kurama swallowed hard, nodding and knelt as Hiei undressed. He let out a soft gasp at the feeling of Hiei’s tongue on his ass. “Hiei, I have not--”

“You are clean.” Hiei’s tongue kept pleasuring him and Kurama gripped at the carpet. He vaguely wondered if Hiei was even there or if this was some sort of cruel, elaborate hallucination. He didn’t care anymore. Even if his senses were dulled by his own insanity or whatever was happening, Hiei felt good.

A moment later, Hiei’s tongue was replaced by rough, lubed fingers. Kurama bit back a groan and Hiei slapped his ass again. “I want to hear you.”

That command was something Kurama hadn’t expected. He whimpered and moaned as Hiei’s hot fingers delved into him, stretching him perfectly before they were withdrawn. “Hiei...”

Another sharp pain in his ass. “I told you not to speak.”

“Should I not make noise then, as well?”

Hiei grasped Kurama’s erection, and tugged on it as he slipped the fingers of his free hand back inside the kitsune. “Don’t be cocky.”

Hiei was too talkative. This was wrong somehow. But Kurama stopped questioning things because it felt good. When Kurama felt Hiei enter him a moment later, he bucked back against the hiyoukai, wishing Hiei was pummeling him harder. He could barely feel it. The thought of heckling Hiei to fuck him harder was pushed from Kurama’s mind when Hiei suddenly withdrew and lifted him to the bed.

There was a moment where Kurama just stared at Hiei before groaning and covering his face.

“Hiei... Why on Earth would you change into a maid costume?”

“Don’t you like it, Kurama-sama?” Kurama watched Hiei curtsey and felt like vomiting. “I’m wearing it for you...”

“...” Kurama stared at Hiei for another long moment. “You... You look like a prepubescent GIRL, Hiei. That’s.... disgusting.”

“You don’t like it?” ‘Hiei’ flounced a little. “Really, Kurama-sama?”

“No. I do not. What in the gods....? I am dreaming.” Kurama slapped himself in the face to wake himself up. “This is a terrible, terrible nightmare. I am not sure who you are supposed to be, but you are not Hiei.”

Kurama sat up and was awake, staring at Hiei again. But he was silent and still this time, still sitting in the same place Kurama had left him, with that absurd daisy on his head. Kurama lifted the daisy off of Hiei’s head. “It did not suit, you Hiei. Neither did the maid outfit. What a horrible dream.” Kurama shuddered and moved to the couch, placing Kuwabara next to him. “Honestly, Kuwabara-kun, I am quite glad that you cannot read minds.”

Kuwabara said nothing in response. Because Kuwabara was a daisy.
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The Art of Loving Oneself