Adult-FanFiction.org : YuYu Hakusho

Into the Gray	By : Dementian Category: Yuyu Hakusho > Yaoi - Male/Male > Kurama/Kuwabara Views: 2206 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho and make zero money off of it.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
   In being close friends with Hiei, Kurama had learned to expect the unexpected. This was the only reason why, when he woke up to find the short-tempered demon in his bedroom throwing a fit, he was neither fazed nor particularly concerned.
   “What the fuck, Kurama?”
   He was, however, slightly confused as to why Hiei was so angry at ten in the morning. Upon cracking one bleary blood shot eye, Kurama noticed that Hiei was glaring at him with a small satchel in one hand and his note from Kazuma in the other.

   Ah.
   “Hello, Hiei,” he greeted, voice throaty from lack of use. “How are you?” Blinking up from beneath his heavy duvet, Kurama could hide there as long as he dared while Hiei cursed and frothed above him.
   "There is no one more kind, smart, or beautiful than you?” Hiei read aloud, looking from what little he could see of Kurama’s face to the note with snide contempt. “What the fuck is this?"
   Kurama just stared at him, too tired to explain. He really wanted to go back to sleep, but in all honesty that wasn’t going to happen while Hiei was here.
   “Kurama!” Hiei barked, demanding an answer. “What the fuck is this?” he waved the paper for good measure, the wind whipping at its tender edges. Kurama did not want to see it ripped, and so he sat up to take it from Hiei, yanking off his duvet from his chest as he huffed and glared.
   “Please do not damage this," Kurama set the note aside. “I am using it as a bookmark.”
   Hiei gave an annoyingly loud sneer, mixed in with a laugh that was far from humored.
   “Oh, I see.” Hiei’s tone was smooth with contempt. “I see how it is.” He turned away, hand on his hip as he sauntered over to Kurama’s desk and plopped down in his spinning chair. Hiei relaxed, grinning wickedly at Kurama.
   “Hiei...” Kurama warned, his tone dangerous.

   “No, forgive me for not realizing the depth of your feelings for Kazuma.” Hiei said the name with such a disrespectful tone that Kurama had the urge to clock him in the mouth if only to remind him that he was, in fact, dangerous to rile up.
   “To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” Kurama ground out, crossing his arms over his chest. Hiei smiled, looking more relaxed as he tossed Kurama the satchel. Kurama caught it mid-air, and he opened it to find it full of powerful, potent seeds. Kurama knew for a fact that at least three of them were highly illegal, dangerous in their ability to restore life.
   “Those may be of interest to you,” Hiei explained.

   Kurama was aghast.
   “Hiei, for the love of god." Kurama gawked. “How…?” Hiei shrugged, saying nothing to explain as Kurama looked from him to the satchel in shock. “I am genuinely concerned. How are you doing this?”
   Hiei’s grin slipped away to be replaced by a glare.
   “I’m not here to be interrogated,” he said.
   “I’m not trying to interrogate you!”
   "Well, try harder.”
   Kurama might have let it go, might have profusely thanked Hiei and gotten on with their visit had he not spotted the slight dabble of red at Hiei’s neck. It was blood, and it appeared to be fresh, to an extent.
   “... Hiei, is something wrong?” Kurama asked, but Hiei only sneered. Rising up from Kurama’s desk chair, he moved to the window sill. Kurama’s worry only intensified as he realized that Hiei was favoring his left leg.
   “You’re limping," Kurama said.
   Hiei merely glared out the window, still refusing to answer his questions.
   “Hiei," Kurama said, much louder, “You are limping.”
   “How I choose to walk is none of your damn business,” Hiei snapped, but Kurama wouldn’t have it.
   “Hiei, why are we having this conversation?” Kurama demanded, and Hiei turned away with a snort. “You are hurt; allow me to help!”
   "I don't need help," Hiei scoffed.
   “Sit down on the bed," Kurama ordered, rising up to pull his covers straight as he made for his bathroom medicine cabinet. Just as he pulled out a few salves and ointments, he heard Hiei’s arrogant reply.
   “Are you sure Kazuma won’t mind?"

   Kurama came back into the bedroom, regarding Hiei coldly from afar for one minute before walking ever so slowly over to him. Hiei stood stubbornly rooted to the spot, pretending not to be intimidated, but Kurama knew he was well aware of what might transpire were he to push too far. Hiei was not a fool, and he would not irk Kurama to anger.
   Kurama stopped before Hiei and leaned in close. Hiei’s facial expression flickered to fear for one second before returning to mild contempt and calm.
   “Get. On. The bed,” Kurama whispered ever so gently.
   Hiei slipped between Kurama and the wall, sitting gingerly down upon the bed. He was very angry, and Kurama could see how tense he was in his back and shoulders as he squatted down before Hiei and opened up several pastes and salves.
   “What did you say this time?" Kurama asked.
   Hiei responded with bitter silence.
   It seemed that his injuries from last time had not fully healed, or had even been re-opened. Clearly whatever Hiei was doing or saying to Mukuro was becoming worse. Kurama knew only too well how Hiei could bait someone to a temper.
   “Hiei, you need to apologize,” Kurama urged. “And whatever you are doing, stop.”
   Suddenly Hiei’s anger exploded. He jumped off the bed, wrenching himself from Kurama's healing hands as he stormed over to the window with the clear intent to leave.
   “Her neediness is none of my concern!” Hiei shouted. Kurama grabbed Hiei by the elbow before he could run off.
   “She needs you. That is your concern.”
   Hiei froze.
   Kurama steered him back to the bed, forcing him to sit down and take off his coat. Hiei was reluctant, angry as he shucked his shirt off with an audible wince.
   Hiei’s torso was bloody and bruised, covered in scratches and gouges. Mukuro had not delivered one of her fatal stomach punches this time, but it was clear that they had fought aggressively. Kurama stared in disbelief, knowing Hiei must have been in obvious pain for some time now.
   Tenderly, Kurama began to apply salve to his open wounds.
   “Dear God, Hiei, are you going to be able to eat with a wound like this?” Kurama remarked aloud. “How long has this been here?”
   Hiei’s internal organs could have been heavily damaged from a few of those blows, his stomach lining was no doubt bruised or filled with blood.
   “If you’re going to fix it, fix it.” Hiei glared at him dully. “But don’t waste my time.”
   So it seemed that this wound had been here a while.

   Kurama pressed his hand to Hiei’s stomach, healing him as best he could on such short notice. After a moment of soothing energy pulsing into Hiei’s stomach, he seemed to relax a little.
   “Do you realize how lucky you are, Hiei?”
   Hiei’s glare became empty as his eyes grew foggy with thoughts of the past. Kurama was not one to push a point. Hiei understood what Kurama meant.
   “You are one of the few,” Kurama said, thinking on all the demons he’d known and how barely any of them had ever found a loving partner in life.
   “I don’t know what you're talking about,” Hiei said, no doubt wishing to avoid the truth for as long as he could.
   “You do.” Kurama would have none of it.
   “... I don’t have time to sit here and listen to you prattle,” Hiei said. Kurama continued to heal his stomach, offering him a slight smile.
   “You had time to visit me," he reminded. “Perhaps you have time again to stay with me, at least until your wound is healed. You are of no use to anyone with an injured abdomen.”
   Hiei scoffed, but Kurama could tell that he agreed.
   “I was thinking about ordering pizza tonight for dinner,” Kurama said, smiling a little.
   He knew for a fact that Hiei had the smallest of weaknesses for pizza after having tried it during a get together with Yusuke and Kuwabara. While it wasn’t obvious at the time, Kurama had since noticed Hiei ask for pizza the next time he was with Yusuke, as well as how Hiei often salivated at the word whenever it was mentioned. It was clear Hiei had had a very bad day. Kurama wondered if pizza might at least help.
   After all, what were friends for?
   “Of course, I could make one by hand, too," Kurama added, thinking that it might be nice to run to the grocery store since his pantries were low on a few things.
   “You can’t make those by hand,” Hiei sneered. Kurama chuckled.
   “You can," Kurama assured him, making sure Hiei was listening intently before continuing on. “Chefs make them all the time. That’s how food is prepared.”
   Hiei snapped, his temper flying up again as Kurama held back a laugh. “I know how food is fucking prepared, Kurama!”
   “Would you like to make pizza tonight?” Kurama asked, making sure his tone was soft and kind.
   Hiei pursed his lips, saying nothing.
   “I have wine,” Kurama offered.

   Hiei shook his head but the shake was small and Kurama understood Hiei was actually saying ‘yes’ from how he looked down at the carpet instead of the window.
   “I’ll need to make a stop at the grocery store," Kurama informed him. “But first... I need to take a shower. And you need to lay down and rest.”
~*~
There were few things as delightful to Kurama as Hiei walking around bemusedly in a grocery store. Humans passed them by, completely unaware that two lethal killers were walking down the aisles looking for marinara sauce.
   “I can explain the note,” Kurama offered, but Hiei could only growl as Kurama pushed their buggy along. Hiei was a treat to take out to such places, marveling at boxed meals and spices while Kurama stuck to their schedule with loyal flair.
   “I’m certain you can’t,” Hiei sneered; they passed by a box of ramen noodles and Hiei snatched it up. He no doubt was curious because the picture on the package looked similar to a picture at Yusuke’s ramen shop. He sniffed, but the smell was much too strong for his sensitive nose and Hiei let out a relatively loud snarl.
   “Disgusting!” he spat, causing a few humans nearby to give him reproachful looks.
   “We had a small Christmas party about a week ago,” Kurama continued, eager to see Hiei’s face when the full story was revealed. They rounded the corner of an aisle and now began to pass through dairy. Kurama picked up a packet of shredded parmesan. “And it so happened that my birthday passed.”
   Hiei’s look was snide, and his tone was far from sincere: “Happy birthday.”
   “Thank you.” Kurama barely suppressed the laugh. As they made their way towards the meat section, Kurama continued on, “Kazu-“
   Did I nearly just call him Kazuma?
   “Kuwabara made me a small gift, and the note was inside,” Kurama explained.
   “Was it?” Hiei replied snootily, his smirk softening as he raised an eyebrow at Kurama. Kurama shrugged, but all this friendly chat went out the window when Hiei spotted the meat hanging from the butcher’s station.
   “What the actual fuck is this?” Hiei demanded angrily, waving his hand at the hanging meat as if it was comparable to the enslavement of children or the torture of innocents “You pay money for meat?”
   Naturally such a concept would be foreign to Hiei, who had killed every meal he’d ever eaten (save for the ones he ate with Kurama or Yusuke).
   “I could kill a cow for you right now!” Hiei shouted at Kurama, who could not help but burry his face in his hands as Hiei’s voice got louder and louder. The butcher behind the counter looked downright terrified and Kurama could not blame him. People passing by were stopping. One or two had pulled out cell phones. “For free!” Hiei was shouting. “You pathetic humans!” Hiei even made to show Kurama the hilt of his sword (a completely unnecessary move); a situation was about to unfold unless Kurama put an end to this tirade.
   “I am truly sorry,” Kurama blurted out to the butcher, stepping in front of Hiei who was still seething. “They lowered his dosage about four weeks ago and he hasn’t taken to the change. I swear to you he is usually quite genial."
   Hiei, having no context for such a sentence, thought nothing of it and therefore did not comment, but Kurama was certain that if he had understood the implications, Hiei would have lost his mind. Then again, Hiei did need a pill or two on his rougher days.
   They all did.
   The butcher just nodded nervously, eager to get away from the confrontation, and slipped into the back room as Kurama put a package of pre-sliced pepperoni in their buggy.
   The minute the crowds had thinned about them, Kurama turned on Hiei and pressed him firmly against the plexi-glass of the butchered meats. With a damaged fingernail in his face, Hiei suddenly seemed very aware of Kurama’s displeasure. His lips, so usually set into a dismal scowl were pressed into a thin line.
   “Hiei, I’m going to need you to focus up. We are in a benign human facility.”
   Hiei relaxed a little as Kurama pulled back.
   Still, he could not let it go.
   “This is disturbing,” Hiei snorted under his breath. Kurama gave him a wary look, and Hiei immediately stared somewhere else so as to avoid Kurama’s gaze. “I could kill better for you.”
   Kurama reached out, his injured hand smarting a little as he took Hiei by the small of the back and pressed him along.
   “I appreciate the offer,” Kurama murmured, and indeed he did because he understood the meaning behind such a gesture. “If I ever need a fully diced cow, I will be sure to let you know. Now will you please be quiet?”
   Hiei glowered, immediately becoming reproachful as he trudged alongside Kurama through the final aisles towards the checkout line which was mercifully empty.
   “Maybe I don’t want your stupid pizza-“ Hiei spat under his breath.
   Ah, of course, Hiei hated it when people told him to be quiet. It hurt his feelings.
   “Hiei, hush.” Kurama chuckled, and just for good measure he put a hand on Hiei’s shoulder which Hiei did not automatically brushed off.
   “Anyway, as I was saying,” Kurama continued on, eager to get Hiei back on a topic that would at least somewhat amuse him, “It was a simple note, much like a birthday card.”
   “A what?”
   “Well, humans tend to celebrate their birthdays with cards to remember it by.”
   Hiei just stared at Kurama, his expression one of dumbfounded disbelief as Kurama paid for their groceries. They made their way out into the parking lot before Hiei had found it in him to work up a reply.
   “Why?” hiei finally asked.
   “Well, if something good happened to you in your life, wouldn’t you want to remember it?”
   Hiei had no response.

   On their way back to Kurama’s apartment, the pair of them inevitably had to run by Yusuke’s ramen stand. This affair was short lived because Hiei would not cross the street to visit Yusuke and Kurama would not make him.
   Yet unfortunately for Hiei, someone was visiting Yusuke with a basket of freshly handmade soaps.
   “Ah, Hiei, here comes your chance,” Kurama noted as Yukina stepped out of Yusuke’s shop. She spotted the two of them and waved merrily before looking both ways and beginning to cross the street.
   Hiei backed up but there was nowhere to run, and he couldn’t very well act like Yukina hadn’t seen him when she was making a bee line toward him.
   “You’re an asshole, Kurama,” Hiei muttered, his jaw locked in a tight grimace.
   “Shall I start the conversation for you? ‘Yukina, Hiei has some news about your brother!’” Kurama teased, but Hiei was growing paler by the minute and he knew he needed to stop.
   “I will kill you,” he bit out.
   “I know,” Kurama assured him, his tone gentle and reaffirming. He smiled and waved to Yukina as she stepped back onto their sidewalk, bowing happily in greeting to Hiei and Kurama both. She wore a lovely white and teal jumper that sparkled with sown in sequins and in her hands was a large wicker basket filled with goodies. She looked downright thrilled to see Hiei.
   “Hello, Hiei!” Yukina greeted him. “I’m so glad you’re in town!”
   “... For a while,” Hiei bit out, his jaw clenched so tight Kurama worried he might crack his teeth. Poor Hiei; it was easy to see his stress levels were through the roof.
   He truly was terrified of his sister, and it saddened Kurama to no end. Hiei did not deserve this.
   “I have this basket for you; it’s from the Christmas party you missed!” Yukina explained, and she handed it over at once. Hiei took it, making flabbergasted noises which contained no actual words as she added, “Inside is everyone’s gifts for you. Yusuke just gave it to me; I was going to save it for you at the temple. But you’re here now! Isn’t that wonderful?” Yukina gasped, searching in her purse rapidly as she pulled out a bar of handmade soap which she handed to Hiei as well. It seemed Kazuma’s gift had not gone unused.
   “I’m also making soaps now,” Yukina explained. Hiei looked from the soap to her, utterly confused. She realized he had no idea why she was giving him soap, and hastily made to explain, “Oh! I'm not saying you smell. I’m giving them to friends, based on what I think they smell like, or what they remind me off. You remind me of lemon grass. Smell it!”
   Hiei seemed on the edge of a nervous breakdown as he brought the soap to his nose and sniffed it hesitantly.
   He stared, his eyes empty and his face slack.
   “It’s a lovely gift, Yukina. Thank you,” Kurama said, feeling the need to hold up Hiei’s end of the conversation since Hiei himself was so obviously incapable of doing so. Hiei seemed to have been rendered speechless. Were it not for Yukina, Kurama might have shaken his head in disappointment.
   “Here, Kurama!” Yukina fished around in her purse before pulling out another one, “I have one for you too. It smells like ginger spice!”
   Kurama accepted it and smelt it, the heavy spices filling his nose. It reminded him of something wonderful, though at the moment he couldn’t seem to put his finger on it.

   “It’s wonderful. Thank you so much.” Kurama smiled.
   “I really enjoyed that book Kazuma gave me. I read it all last night! I’m having so much fun!”
   “I’m glad.” Kurama smiled. “We’re making pizza, would you like to come over?”
   Hiei made a noise as if he was being strangled.
   “Oh, that’s so sweet but I actually have a date tonight.” Yukina blushed a little, grinning from ear to ear. Hiei’s weird noises ceased at once as he glared at Yukina.
   “It’s not serious yet," she told Hiei, and though his gaze relaxed a little he still seemed quite concerned.
   “I see,” Kurama egged her on, winking as she flushed at him.
   “Stop that!” Yukina teased, “I’ll let you know when it is.”
   “Please do.” Kurama put his new soap in one of his many grocery bags so as not to drop it, and smiled at Yukina in parting farewell. “I hope it goes well.”
   He could not stop from thinking ‘While it can’ as he looked at the stony outrage on Hiei’s face.
   “Well, we had best get home before the cheese turns,” Kurama decided aloud, and Yukina gave him a great hug, brushing a dry kiss across his cheek.
   “I hope you like the soap!” Yukina said, hugging Hiei as well before he could stop her. She kissed him on the cheek, and Hiei made a noise as if he was dying.
   Yukina either did not notice it, or pretended to be oblivious as she pulled away, waving to them as she carried on up the street.
   Kurama sighed, walking in the opposite direction towards his apartment.
   He paused. Hiei was not following him.
   Turning back around, Kurama gathered Hiei by the elbow and gently pulled him along as Hiei watched Yukina slip away down the street. Her lipstick, light pink, stained his cheek from where she had kissed him.

   ~*~
   Kazuma had found it irresistible to call Takahashi during his times of need in the past couple of months though at first he’d been tentative to strike up conversation, unsure what to say or where to begin. Yet as soon as he had called Takahashi to ask what to do about Kurama’s surprise birthday, Takahashi had promptly asked him out to coffee and then sat him down for a talk on the subtle art of gift giving. Kuwabara loved giving gifts and was an avid listener as Takahashi offered advice on what might make the best approach towards a prospective lover. Kazuma had revealed as little as he could about Kurama, fearing that if he said too much Takahashi might realize that he knew Kurama (as Shuichi) from somewhere. When they’d touched on the subject of Kurama’s passion for gardening, Takahashi’s eyes had lit up with delight offered the concept of a seed box. So the pair of them had abandoned their coffee to travel down the street towards a local gardening shop where Kazuma looked at a few but found them lacking in appeal. He wanted this gift to be special; to be his own. He’d decided to make one himself, taking to his father’s guitar shop and crafting his own seed box from scraps of old guitars. It had been quite a lot of fun (particularly when his father had come home from a record deal and had demanded to know what the hell he was doing), and when Kazuma was through he followed Takahashi’s advice and put a little note on the inside.

   Kazuma had not heard back from Kurama, though to be fair it had only been a couple of days. Still he was terrified of what Kurama had thought when he’d seen the note. Had he been confused? Had he missed the point entirely and thought it merely a friendship note? Or had he been disgusted, and now considered Kazuma a nuisance? Kazuma shuddered at the thought, taking a deep drink of his pumpkin spice latte while Takahashi continued to discuss how one might come out as homosexual to friends and family. As with all topics of conversation, Takahashi was somehow unwaveringly calm and aloof.
   “Tell them or don’t, but you’ll be happier if you do,” Takahashi said, pensive as he observed Kazuma from across the table. He wondered if people could tell that something was off about him, when it felt like every moment he was walking in a stranger’s shoes. The only thing that had changed really was that he now was eternal devoted to Kurama’s every move, suffering in quiet existence while Kurama failed to notice his affections... he supposed that made him look quite miserable.
   “Who?” Kazuma asked, not really listening as he took another sip of coffee. Takahashi had ordered him a cheese danish... it was really quite good. Apparently his family had owned a bakery and he was familiar with good pastries.
   “Your friends, your family.” Takahashi sighed haggardly as he realized Kazuma was not listening, “Do it or don’t, but it’s tough living a lie.”
   Kazuma groaned, rubbing his eyes.
   “I know it sounds like an impossible task but it’s not.” Takahashi assured him, “And you’ll feel much more confident once you do.”
   “Confident - there’s a word that doesn’t describe me,” Kazuma grumbled into his coffee.
   “I know,” Takahashi agreed, laughing in spite of himself though he offered Kazuma an apologetic smile, “I’ve only been having coffee with you for a few months now and I already know that...” He paused, continuing on with their prior subject, “Who are the people you would tell if you could?
   Kazuma knew the answer to that immediately.
   “My dad,” he admitted, for keeping a secret like this from his father had been extremely difficult, “My sister. My best friend.” Though Urameshi would probably lose his shit when he told him, “... The guy I’m in love with.”
   “Okay.” Takahashi nodded, listening intently to every description, “Do any of those people strike you as the type to leave you in the event of you telling them that you’re gay? I mean do you honestly feel unsafe?”
   His father probably wouldn't care. He’d be amused, at least for a while, but as a record producer and a musician on the side his father hung out with all sorts of strange people. Kazuma wasn’t worried about him. He'd never felt unsafe around his father.
   Shizuru was quite the same, and she probably already knew given her goddamn spiritual awareness. She knew way too much for her own good, and at times it terrified him. She might even know he was in love with Kurama. God, how rich would that be? Likewise he’d felt very unsafe with her at times, simply because she was pounding his face in, but he had a feeling she’d have his back in a fight till the very end. Call it... sibling affection. From the womb to the tomb.
   Urameshi and Kurama were the problem. Urameshi didn’t seem the type to hate someone just for being gay, but Kazuma didn’t want to be teased and, God in heaven, Urameshi could tease the living crap out of him. For hours. In their school days, Urameshi had been his arch enemy, knocking him into the pavement with ease and crushing his confidence with a simple jaunting grin. Now that they were best friends, nothing and everything had changed. Urameshi still pounded him into the pavement every now and then, and he certainly hadn’t stopped teasing him, but Kazuma also knew that deep down, past everything, Urameshi was his brother. His better half, a shadow to follow him and guide him. To point the way in the dark. He didn’t know what he’d do without Urameshi (‘Yusuke’ he thought gently to himself). Had he ever felt unsafe with him? Absolutely... but he’d never regretted holding Yusuke’s corner in a tough fight.
   Kurama, on the other hand, was like some serene, ethereal creature, a god he dreamed of touching only when no one else was looking. Kurama’s every feature was flawless, his soul a perfect image of love and hope that shown through their group, protecting all who came to him in such a way that evil could not abide. Evil fled from Kurama, because Kurama was a pillar of strength that no damning force could stop. He was always prepared, always three steps ahead, and Kazuma knew implicitly that no matter obstacle life threw at their group, at their family, Kurama would be there to stop it.
Would Kurama be the type to condemn a man? Kazuma had seen Kurama pass judgement with ease and slice off a head from its shoulders without batting an eye.
But in response to something like this, Kurama would never be so....
   Or would he? Would he be disgusted if he knew? Kazuma had no idea.
   “... I don’t know,” Kazuma said, simply because he was too scared, too unsure, to say otherwise.
   But Takahashi kept looking, kept waiting, so Kazuma relented.
   “No,” Kazuma finally said.
   “It’s just your fear that is stopping you.”
   “Yeah.”
   “... Tell the guy you’re in love with first. Then your best friend. Yeah?” Takahashi advised, “Those two will be the easiest. Your family is always the most difficult. I know mine were. But I promise you, if they love you then they will not mind.”
   Kazuma shook his head with a smile, because poor Takahashi had unknowingly got it backwards. While for most, family was the difficult barrier, Kazuma was blessed. It was his friends he needed to worry about.
   “And if they do, you can always share with the ones I’ve gathered around me,” Takahashi offered consolingly. Kazuma just laughed.
   No matter how good Takahashi’s friend circle was, it couldn’t replace his own. Nothing could, after all they’d been through.
   “... So have you heard back from him?” Takahashi asked; at first Kazuma was unsure what he was talking about but then he remembered the christmas party and the gift he’d given Kurama. A groan slipped past his lips as he buried his face in his hands again. Oh, the shame!
   “No."
   “Have you initiated any contact at all?”
   “No.”
   “Kuwabara!” Takahashi admonished him, “Honestly. You have all the confidence of a thirteen year old girl. You need to get on with it, or someone else will!” Takahashi warned.
   Suddenly the image of Hiei sprang to mind, swooning Kurama with his dastardly wicked smile- Kurama would sigh dreamily, wrapping his arms around Hiei’s neck and press a kiss upon his blood smeared cheek. Kazuma thought he might be sick.
   “Tonight. Text him.” Takahashi forced Kazuma to take his face out of his hands with a hard and commanding tone. “Just text him. He has a cell phone right?”
   “Right.”
   “Then there you go. Ask him out to coffee, and while you’re having coffee, tell him... or don’t.”
   Kazuma flustered, unable to get words out at the very concept. What a fucking fun conversation that would be.
   “Look let me put it this way. If you ever want it to go somewhere, you have to initiate it.” Takahashi shrugged, grinning as Kazuma laid his face upon the table and prayed for God to strike him down.
   This was going to be a fun week - he could already tell.
   ~*~
   Making pizza was quite a lot of fun, especially when you had an incredibly drunk Hiei to keep you company.
   Kurama had many bottles of wine, gifts from office parties and holidays that he’d never opened. Hiei made good use of them, polishing off three with ease as Kurama kneaded the dough and spread the sauce. The oven pre-heated as Hiei started on the fourth bottle, drinking clumsily atop Kurama’s kitchen table with his legs swinging over the side. He had his gift basket beside him, but had not opened it as of yet because he was so intent on staring at Yukina’s soaps. What had started off as a quiet and reclusive evening had turned increasingly talkative as Hiei’s inhibitions dropped and his pride flew out the window. Normally sulky and unwilling to converse, Hiei was suddenly blurting out every thought that came to mind, much to Kurama’s amusement.
   Hiei was showing his affections for the first time, and Kurama found it pleasant to receive at least a little verbal confirmation after all these years wondering how Hiei felt about them.
   “Soaps. She’s making soaps. She hugged me and she made me soap. Soap!” Hiei cried out the word as if it were some kind of divine symbol from God.
   “Would you like a glass Hiei?” Kurama asked, but Hiei just drank straight from the fourth bottle and let his head roll loosely about his neck in a slow ‘no’.
   “She said it smelled like me!” Hiei’s eyes were wide as he gestured at Kurama with the soap, “Lemon grass, I didn’t even know that was a grass! It’s a grass and she thinks it smells like me. Are these really all for me?” Hiei asked, pointing to the basket.
   Kurama smiled, nodding as Hiei set his soap down to timidly poke inside. He pulled out a box of American candy, no doubt Botan’s gift, and joy suddenly leapt across Hiei’s face as he opened it to pour the little colorful sweets into his hand. “Look at this!” Hiei cried out, showing Kurama the candy in his hand. Kurama smiled as he put the pizza in the oven, setting the timer for thirty minutes as he washed his hands in the sink.
   “I see it, Hiei.” Kurama grinned.
   “Look at how colorful it is. It looks like- like little stars.” Hiei ate one, and made a face. “It tastes atrocious but I’m gonna eat all of it,” Hiei admitted, his gaze falling across Yukina’s soap once again.
   He snatched it up at once and held it to his chest.
   “She made me soap!”
   “She loves you.” Kurama smiled as Hiei’s eyes grew wide with the remark.
   “I love soap!” Hiei shouted, pride long gone from his voice as he held the soap like his first born son.
   “I’m glad. Use it!” Kurama dried his hands off with a dish towel, “She’ll probably make you another one- oh, look!” Kurama knew it was mean to tease Hiei but he couldn’t resist when he spotted Yukina’s candle in his gift basket. “Look, Hiei, she made you a candle, too."
   “She made me a candle, too!” Hiei dove for the basket, yanking out the candle to hold it up high; he let out a noise that could have been a strangled squeal of glee as he smelled it. “Kurama, look!” Hiei snapped his fingers, chewing his lip in concentration as a flame sparked between his fingers.
   Kurama let out a noise of worry, suddenly realizing a drunk Hiei could be a serious fire hazard.
   “Look it has little sticks in it and they smell nice. Like trees-“ Hiei paused, his expression filling with wonder as he thought aloud.
   “I like sleeping in trees... I bet that’s why she put this in here!” Hiei gasped. Kurama snorted, grinning from ear to ear as Hiei lit the wick in the center.
   “Kurama, look at what it does!” Hiei cried in delight as the wick suddenly blazed to life and the smell of pine and cedar filled the air, “I lit the candle and now the room smells!”
   “Okay, let’s not burn the building down,” Kurama soothed, reaching out and taking the lit candle from Hiei with some difficulty as he clung to it like a child. Setting the candle safely upon his kitchen counter, the pair of them admired it. “See, isn’t that nice?”

   Hiei was back in his basket, lord help them all.
   Hiei pulled out a voucher that Yusuke had stuck in there as a sordid gift, no doubt giving him his part of the free meal. Hiei groaned in delight.
   “What is this?” Hiei wondered, reading aloud, “Hiei, this gives you a free meal at my place, and a plate of cookies as well. I will make you anything you want- Yusuke”
   Hiei looked at Kurama, overjoyed.
   “I get food! Food!” Hiei cried out the word, looking like he might sob from the sheer ecstasy of the love he was receiving.
   “Mhmm. We all got a free meal from Yusuke. You missed out, Hiei, it was delicious," Kurama said, taking the wine bottle from Hiei and snagging a swallow before Hiei could take it all. Really, Hiei needed to stop drinking. He’d already had three bottles. Even for a demon he was starting to push it.
   Hiei pulled out the scarf that Keiko had knitted him, and made a series of noises all filled with glee.
   “Oh my God!” Hiei shouted, wrapping the scarf around his neck at once, “I love red!"
   “Keiko did that one,” Kurama said. “Isn’t she sweet? Mine is green, Yours is red. Yusuke’s is dark blue.”
   “Is Kuwabara’s, um...” Hiei seemed to have forgotten what to say, “A color?” he asked lamely.
   Kurama snorted.
   “Yes. It’s black.” He stifled a laugh.
   “I like this scarf." Hiei buried his face into it, momentarily hiding his flushed cheeks from view, “It’s warm.”
   When he pulled back, he suddenly looked forlorn.
   “My old one needs some help,” Hiei admitted drunkenly, fingering the worn and dirty white material with sadness.
   “How long have you had that thing?” Kurama wondered, for ever since he’d known Hiei, Hiei had had that scarf. He’d always worn it too, even when it wasn’t necessarily cold.
   Hiei looked down at it, and the excitement that had lit up his face not moments before was now slipping rapidly away.

   Kurama was starting to get worried.
   “A really long time,” Hiei admitted, his words slurring slightly, “But I’ll never give it up. Not ever.”
   “Oh?” Kurama offered, trying to bring Hiei’s good mood. “Not even for a nice red one?”
   “No!” Hiei said hotly, and Kurama threw his hands up in quick defense to show Hiei he meant no harm. Hiei just kept talking though, and suddenly Kurama was growing worried that Hiei was about to admit too much. That Hiei was too drunk to remember he did not usually confess his thoughts.
   “Because... Because Gorobi gave it to me, and that... that makes it special.” Hiei waved a finger about, cementing his words in his own mind, “It was a... he used to wear it. Now it’s mine. I don’t want to part with it.” And suddenly Hiei was holding to his face, sniffing it with an expression of agony and pleasure.
   Who on earth was Gorobi? Kurama put that name aside in his head for a later date, sensing a great deal of emotion and turmoil behind the name.
   “Well, if you change it out with the red one, it will likely last much longer,” Kurama started to advise, but Hiei was back in the basket and had pulled out a shoe box. He looked it over, quite unsure of what it was.
   “What is this?” Hiei asked aloud in wonder, taking off the top and fishing through the white paper inside. Suddenly black boots appeared and Hiei let out another noise like a dying animal as he yanked out the boots and held them up into the air.
   Hiei could not have been more excited.
   “Oh wow! Wow!” Hiei cried out, beaming as he felt the soles of the shoes and compared them to his own. “Shoes! Oh, I really needed this.” Hiei looked on the bottom of the box and saw the kanji of Kuwabara’s name. “Kuwabara gave me this!"
   “What is it?” Kurama asked, for he’d been busy cleaning up the counter. He turned around, only to find Hiei drunkenly trying to take off his own boots in an attempt to put the new ones on and promptly burst out laughing.

   “I’m putting them on right now!” Hiei declared with gusto, finally getting the old ones off and chucking them aside with a small clatter to put on the new ones. He let out an audible sigh, his grin slackening as he rolled his ankles and tested out his new shoes. “My old ones were killing me.”
   “See?” Kurama offered with a coy grin, “Isn’t that nice of Kuwabara, giving you such a thoughtful gift?”
   “I’m gonna... get him something.” Hiei was having a hard time finishing his sentences, taking the wine bottle back from Kurama to drink nearly all of it in massive chugs, “I don’t know what. I really like him, you know. I like him a lot. I like... I like all of you. A lot.”
   “Do you? Do tell.” Kurama shook his head in wonder, deciding that if he’d want a glass of wine he’d best get his own bottle (though he’d be certain to keep it away from Hiei). He uncorked a new merlot, pouring himself a glass to take a sip as Hiei finished off the fourth bottle.
   “You’re my family...” Hiei said, and his voice had gone somber again as his grin vanished entirely. He looked quite morose now. “I would die without you. I have... I have to get gifts for all of you! What am I gonna do?” Hiei pondered aloud, “I’m gonna st-“ Hiei shook his head, “I’m gonna buy Yukina a beautiful necklace of diamonds and pearls.... she’d be so pretty,” he said wistfully, looking past Kurama’s balcony door to the stars that awaited him.
   Kurama finished his glass of wine, pouring himself another one.
   “That’s very thoughtful but I think what she really wants is for you to tell her you’re her brother.”
   Hiei groaned loudly, slipping from the table and storming into Kurama’s living room.
   “I can’t!” he cried out, “I can’t do it, K’rama.”
   “Why not, Hiei?” kurama followed him, intent on helping him work this out. With Hiei drunk, his feelings and fears were on the forefront. Kurama had a better shot at understanding the problem, if nothing else.
   “Because I’m...” Hiei gestured about the apartment, unable to find the right words, “I’m scared of her. Of her looking at me and... and...” but Hiei could not articulate his pain anymore, and he shook his head rapidly to concede his defeat.
   “Sure you can,” Kurama offered, his tone soothing in the prayer that Hiei would hear his support.
   “And why should I when she has someone in her life already?” Hie complained loudly, cradling Yukina’s soap to his chest with a suddenly sulky expression.
   “She said it wasn’t serious,” Kurama assured him, but Hiei just scoffed.

   “She could have been lying!” Hiei cried out. In the anger that followed his words, Hiei chucked the bar of soap. It hit the far wall and fell behind the couch.
   “Ah! No!” Hiei cried out, stumbling forward to drop down on his hands and knees. He stretched out, squirming to fit behind the couch where it met the wall. Suddenly all Kurama could see of him was his posterior and his legs, wriggling as he tried in vain to reach the soap he’d dropped. He pulled back, soap retrieved, and looked it over with care.
   “Did I damage it?” Hiei wondered aloud, “I think it’s okay, but I’m not sure.”
   “Why would she lie to you, Hiei?” Kurama ventured over, intent on pursuing this subject, but Hiei just waved him off, mumbling something sadly under his breath.
   “And would it be so bad if she was seeing someone? Surely she deserves to be happy-“

   Hiei grabbed Kurama’s wine bottle from his hand, and before Kurama could stop him Hiei began to drink. Kurama waited till Hiei finished then took the wine bottle back, eager to keep him from getting too drunk.

   Though, to be fair, they had probably crossed that line about an hour ago.
   “It’s not too late, Hiei,” Kurama urged.
   “It was too late an hour after my birth!” Hiei cried out angrily, and in a fit he stormed onto the balcony shouting, “Who does that to an infant?!”
   Kurama had no idea what Hiei was talking about, but his distress was evident. He’d always wondered how Hiei and Yukina had been split up in their infancy. He had a feeling it was not a pleasant tale.
   Kurama followed him out onto the balcony, leaving the wine bottle inside (but not before refilling his glass). Outside, Hiei was curled up in his patio chair, a look of sorrow once again upon his face. It seemed that Hiei’s moods were swinging, but Kurama had a feeling it wasn’t so much of a swing as it was a relapse. It was as if Hiei was constantly upset, but simply did not feign to show it. Being drunk made him less tense, and therefore more relaxed to show his sorrow.

   “Why bother getting the Jagan if you weren’t going to tell her you are her brother?” Kurama asked, sitting next to Hiei and allowing the cold winter breeze to cool his flushed cheeks. He had to admit, the wine was starting to make his blood hum.

   “I know what those operations entail. Excruciating pain. Practically torture. Why bother enduring that if you were never going to tell her?”
   “Kurama...” Hiei sighed, slightly aggravated as he felt his forehead where his Jagan lay behind his headband, carefully concealed. “That was a ... bad day for me.” Hiei shook his head. “I just wanted to go home. So bad.”
   And suddenly there it was, the raw nerve of Hiei’s soul, inflamed with the pain of too many lies and too little healing.
   “Home?” Kurama asked, confused. “You got it to go home? I thought you got it to find Yukina?”
   “Yeah, cause... I found out I had a sister. I was- did you know- I was able to hear and see, and could understand everything!” Hiei cried out the word, “Everything, from the minute I was born. I was aware of all of it. Of them...” Hiei unclenched his hands, as if mimicking someone dropping something. Kurama didn’t understand. “Yeah.”
   Hiei shook his head, continuing on, “I thought she’d be there! Home! Gorobi had kicked me out and... I was alone. I wanted to go home.” Hiei’s voice cracked, like hairline fissures showing the pressure of the pain underneath the words, “and I ... I had to find my necklace. I had to!” He fished underneath his combined scarves, pulling the stone free so as to see it in the light. Kurama rarely got to view the stone, and took the opportunity to do so now: a hiroseke gem akin to Yukina’s, beautiful and clear in its clasp and chord, “Without it I was lost. All those years... I was lost.”
   Hiei’s frown turned into something deeper. Kurama would not stand for it; not when there was pizza in the oven and a basket full of Hiei’s gifts on his kitchen table.
   “And you found it!” Kurama tried for optimism.
   “Yeah, in Mukuro’s mouth!” Hiei snorted angrily, sticking out his tongue in disgust, “What the hell was that about?!”
   Kurama had no idea what Hiei was talking about but listened with avid interest.

   “Her mouth,” Kurama repeated, making sure this admission was not a drunken slip up but an actual fact.
   “Yeah!” Hiei confirmed. “I went to kill myself with Shigure. Simul... Simul...Simultaneous death! And we killed each other. And I was dying on the floor, and then she opens her mouth and sticks her tongue out at me, and there is it! In her mouth! I was so happy I could cry. And she let me have it back... and I was... I was home.” hiei looked down at the stone, rubbing it tenderly with his thumb. “I was home.”
   Kurama knew this was his only chance.
   He dove in head first.
   “Hiei, what did you say to Mukuro? Why is she so angry at you?”
   Hiei groaned, shaking his head in sorrow as he looked up at Kurama, “I didn’t say anything, I swear it!” Hiei begged.

   Kurama just listened.

   “She just- she expects too much of me. I can't be everything and do everything! I had to put priorities first and ... I thought you were in trouble. And you... You’re like family to me. I want to help you get your human mother better because I... I wish that I...”
   Hiei’s expression was just getting sadder and sadder. It was scaring Kurama. He was almost afraid Hiei might burst into tears at any minute, and prayed he wouldn’t. Kurama didn’t know what he would do if Hiei began to cry.
   Never let him near alcohol again, for starters.
   “If I had a mother...” His voice had turned hollow, “If I had had a chance to save her-“
   “I know, Hiei,” Kurama cut him off, eager to keep Hiei from pressing too callously on such fragile wounds and painful thoughts. “I know.”
   Hiei sniffed, rubbing his stone between his fingers. Kurama felt a sudden surge of protectiveness for Hiei, for someone so eager to help, so willing to do the uncomfortable if only to spare his loved ones.
   “You would have been a wonderful son,” Kurama said. Hiei’s face suddenly plummeted, his eyebrows knitting together, and Kurama’s heart leapt in fear as Hiei suddenly turned and threw-
   ... his arms around his neck.
   Kurama flushed, shocked beyond all belief as Hiei hugged him.
   “Thank you for saying that. You’re... you’re so smart,” Hiei croaked into his shirt, “You’re my best friend, Kurama. Thank you so much.”
   Kurama had no idea what to say or do. He’d never seen Hiei in such a state, confessing all that he felt with such fluid ease. He knew that the inner turmoil Hiei faced on a daily basis was exhausting and probably took its toll on him in ways Kurama didn’t know. Yet if Hiei wanted to hug him now, drunk and all, Kurama would be more than willing to let him. More than willing to hug back as Hiei pressed his petite nose and pointed chin into the crook of his neck. It was almost as if he was holding a child.
   The ding of the pizza timer shocked him.
   “... the pizza is done,” Kurama murmured into Hiei’s ear, and Hiei jolted up so fast he nearly smacked the back of his head into Kurama’s chin. Kurama could not help but laugh at the look of delight on Hiei’s face.

   “Pizza!” Hiei cried out, his agony replaced by joy.
   Kurama served them while Hiei lounged about drunk on the patio. Despite the cold weather they ate outside, the alcohol keeping them warm. For good measure, Kurama got Hiei a glass of water and demanded he drink it, simply because he wasn’t eager for Hiei to fall into another moment of sorrow while stuffing his face. Hiei ate six slices while Kurama ate four, and the pair of them lapsed into silence as Hiei rotated his feet in his new shoes and fingered his red scarf.
   “Stay the night,” Kurama offered. Hiei looked over at him, slumped in his chair.
   “You’re tired, and you’re ill.”
   And you’re utterly drunk.
   “Stay the night, use my shower... you can try out your soap!” Kurama suggested encouragingly. Hiei pulled the soap out of his pocket at once, smelling it deeply with a dreamy smile upon his sleepy face. “I have a feeling you’ll enjoy it.”
   “Yeah, I’m gonna... I’m gonna smell like this soap always,” Hiei murmured. “And I’m..” He nodded, “I’m gonna try and feel... better.”
   “There’s the spirit!” Kurama urged, glad to hear Hiei say as such, “You just needed to relax, and I’m glad that the pizza and... wine... helped.”
   Kurama had a feeling it was more wine than pizza, but he’d keep that information to himself.
   Kurama could not help himself. So often he wanted to touch Hiei in comfort when he was distressed as his mother had often done to him. Taking the chance, Kurama reached out and rubbed Hiei’s back.
   “It’s going to be okay, Hiei. Mukuro loves you.”
   “I know.” Hiei was starting to sound horribly glum again, “I love her. I love her so, so much, I’m gonna die if I lose her.”

   “You won’t lose her.”
   “But- but what if... What if it happens?” Hiei voiced his deepest fear with the shaky tone of a child, “Fuck Kurama, I’m gonna die if she leaves me.”

   “You are putting far too much energy into these hypothetical situations,” Kurama replied. “The next time you see her, tell her how beautiful she looks, tell her how much you love her. Express yourself! That ought to make her smile.”

   And suddenly, Hiei started laughing. He snickered, a guffaw working past his lips as he fought back a grin at the notion of telling Mukuro she was beautiful.
   “I can’t do that. That’s stupid.” Hiei got up, staggering out of his chair. He stumbled towards the patio door.
   “Careful Hiei, watch out for the-“ But Hiei smacked into the door even as Kurama formed the word. Kurama pursed his lips.
   “The door. Watch out for the door,” he grumbled to himself as Hiei slipped inside.

   Hiei took a bath, and as he did so Kurama cleaned up the kitchen to prepare for bed. Laying in his pajamas, Kurama sighed as he smelled his ginger soap and wondered what-
   Kurama sniffed again, letting his mind take him where it would.
   A kind face, framed in orange curls slicked back in a greaser style, gentle black eyes filling him up with warmth and trust-

   Kazuma. The soap reminded him of Kazuma.
   Kurama flushed, the wine suddenly getting to him as he imagined that handsome face pressed against his own. Good lord his imagination was kicking into overdrive.
   His phone vibrated on the bedside table, and Kurama reached over to pick it up only to receive a jolt in his stomach as he saw an incoming text message from Kazuma of all people.
   ‘I’m sorry,’ it read.
   Kurama quickly texted back ‘Why?’ as he wondered what Kazuma was alluding to. Heaven only knows, he couldn’t imagine Kurama was mad at him after giving him such a sweet and thoughtful note.
   Yet as the minutes ticked on and he did not hear a reply, Kurama started to worry something was wrong.

   So he called Kazuma.
   For a minute the phone rang, and when it picked up Kurama was the first to speak.
   “Why?” Kurama asked, concerned. He heard a deep sigh on the other end.
   “I shouldn’t have sent that note. It was dumb.”
   “It meant a great deal to me!” Kurama chastised Kazuma at once, sitting up and smelling the ginger soap deeply. He was feeling something in his chest, something warm and radiant. He couldn’t say what it was, but it made him feel good. “I keep it by my bed. I’m glad you sent it. Don’t doubt yourself.”
   In perfect timing, Hiei finished with the shower. Stepping out of Kurama’s bathroom and letting steam issue from inside, Hiei toweled off his dark hair, normally so stiff (and now rather droopy giving him the image of someone with longer hair). Hiei was naked, not that it bothered Kurama since he’d seen it before, but his window happened to be open and he was deeply concerned his neighbors would see.

   “Please, put some clothes on, before my neighbors see!” he instructed Hiei, chucking a pair of pajamas at Hiei that he’d pulled out and set aside on the bed.
   On the other end of the phone, Kazuma sounded like he was having a heart attack.
   “W-w-who do you have naked over there?!” he cried out.
   “Hiei,” Kurama scoffed.
   “Why doesn’t he have clothes on?!” Kazuma sounded terrified. Kurama wondered why.

   “Because Hiei is oblivious to the suffering of others,” Kurama said with snide humor.
   “That’s not true, I just don’t care,” Hiei said loudly, but he paused, taking it back, “Wait, I do care. Never mind."
   He stumbled about the room, putting on pajamas.
   “He’s- I mean- are you guys-!?”

   “What?” Kurama could not help but laugh at the idea. He and Hiei sleeping together – dear lord, there was a thought. “No... No, it’s nothing like that. He just took a bath.”
   “OH...” suddenly Kazuma let out a sigh. Was it of relief? “I’m sorry. I’ve been real uptight lately. I thought you’d think my note was stupid.”
   “No...” Kurama urged, still smelling his soap.
   “I thought you’d be mad at me, or hate me-“

   “No, no, no!” Kurama cried out, scoffing. “Honestly, who puts these ideas into your head?” Kazuma was silent on the other end of the phone, “Your present was the most touching gift I received that evening. And I will let you know I’ve put every bit of it to good use.”
   “Well I’m glad it helped,” Kazuma murmured. That soft rumble in his voice filled Kurama up, like the vibrations of a bass drum. “Listen, do you want to get coffee?”
   “Of course,” Kurama agreed at once.
   “I MEAN- you know- not like THAT- I just-“
   “I would like to get coffee with you,” Kurama repeated, unable to keep from smiling in humor. Kazuma fell quiet, “But not tonight."
   “Yeah, cause Hiei’s with you?”

   “He’s been drinking,” Kurama admitted, “and... let me just start by saying it wasn’t a good idea.”
   “I’m terrified.”
   “You should be.”
   “Tomorrow afternoon, then. We get coffee. Yusuke wants me to come over for dinner. Maybe you could join?”
   “Tomorrow afternoon. I’ll see you then,” Kurama agreed. “Goodnight.”
   “...Night.”
   And Kurama hung up the phone.
   Hiei had tried to fall asleep on the window but had failed, instead settling down at the foot of Kurama’s bed with his sword in his hands. He looked very uncomfortable.
   Kurama shook his head, throwing back the covers and getting out of bed to help Hiei off the floor.
   “You’re sleeping in my bed,” Kurama informed him, helping Hiei onto the mattress. “No arguments.”
   Hiei did not complain, too drunk, sleepy, and warm to care as he fell onto Kurama’s pillow and allowed Kurama to pull the covers up over him. Hiei still held onto his sword, like a child holding a safety blanket. Kurama decided he would not part Hiei from it until Hiei was asleep.
   For a long while in the dark, Kurama read from his tablet while Hiei fell deeper and deeper into sleep. When it became midnight, Kurama took off his reading glasses and set his tablet aside, laying back on his pillow with a sigh to cast a glance over to his companion.

   Poor Hiei.

   Kurama reached into Hiei’s arms and pulled his sword from him; Hiei let go with slight reluctance. Kurama set the sword beside his bed, and instead threw an arm around Hiei.
   “...wha if... I ge’ attacked...” Hiei slurred, eyes still closed in sleep while he fell deeper into Kurama’s embrace.
   “Then I’ll protect you,” Kurama whispered into his hair. His words had multiple meanings, each of them filling him with a righteous pride at having earned Hiei’s loyalty and concern. If this is what it took, Kurama being the one on guard through the night instead of Hiei, for Hiei to relax and sleep...

   Then Kurama was perfectly fine with that.
~*~
   He was beautiful. In every way, beautiful.
   The early sunset painted Kurama’s porcelain skin a sweet rosy pink, the steam from his tea drifting up to curl in wafts around his angelic face. He wore a coat with fur in the collar, making him look slightly more like a fox than usual with crisp white fluff bouncing off his lovely dark hair. His hands were curled around his mug, warming them no doubt against the bitter cold. How Kazuma would love to take those hands in his own, warm them between his palms so that Kurama would never feel cold again. Kurama’s lips were pale pink and smooth as he parted them to blow the steam away from his tea. In his flannel and jeans, Kazuma knew Kurama was out of his league, but he prayed that he looked handsome enough, attractive enough for this conversation. His jeans, at least, were the least hole-y pair he owned, and had even dared to roll up the sleeves of his flannel over shirt to show off his arm muscles. He doubted Kurama noticed any of this, doubted Kurama was even looking... but then again, maybe he was.
   Either way, Kazuma was determined to find out today. He was going to tell Kurama he was in love with a man, and he was going to figure out what chance he had if Kurama felt the same.

   He had to do it. He could not put this off any more. Not when his sanity and peace of mind hinged on it.
   But first, he had something to clear up.
   “Look, I wanna apologize again, for last night.” Kazuma drummed his fingers nervously on the table, glad that they were in the corner of the cafe on a quiet afternoon and not catching too much attention. He was terrified Takahashi was going to walk in here any minute and see them sitting at the table. What if he came over? What if he asked Kazuma who his ‘friend’ was, or worse yet how his escapade was going with the man he was romancing? If Kurama found out that way, Kazuma would be mortified. “I’m sorry for sounding so... needy.”
   “You hardly need to apologize again,” Kurama said with a smile, eyes on his mug as he ran his finger around the rim. It couldn’t sing like the crystal at Urameshi’s shop, but Kazuma could hear the music in his head.
   “But I felt like I stepped over a boundary-“
   “You gave me a touching note. It wasn’t like you kissed me," Kurama joked, but as he looked up to meet Kazuma’s eyes, Kazuma knew there was a heat in his cheeks and he had to look away. Dammit, Kurama was sharp. What if he already knew? God only knows he was smart like that.
   “... You seem tense,” Kurama said. Kazuma once again cursed himself for falling in love with such a smart man.
   “Yeah, I guess.” Kazuma paused. “A lot’s on my mind.” He took a sip of his latte, nervous. He needed to get it over with, but he couldn’t. His courage was still growing, still working its way up.

   “School?”
   “Not really, no-“ Kazuma paused, certain now that Kurama could sense his nerves. Kurama would be aware that something was wrong. There was nothing he could do now to fix it, he would have to confess. But first-!
   “What was Hiei doing at your apartment last night?” Kazuma demanded, for that phone call had been one of the scariest in his life.
   “Oh!” Kurama laughed, the noise melodic and soothing, “He drops by from time to time. He’s hardly a stranger to me.”
   “I haven’t seen him in years,” Kazuma grumbled, thinking it rather insulting that Hiei had been in town and not visited him nor Urameshi. Weren’t they his friends too?
   “He’s not eager to... open himself up.” Kurama offered; Kazuma heard a tone shift in Kurama’s voice. Something important was being passed along in those words if Kazuma dared to hear them. He listened intently, noting that Kurama knew Hiei best of the three of them, and would probably understand him the most for Hiei to open himself up.

   “You know how Hiei can be,” Kurama consoled, large eyes sympathetic and understanding upon Kazuma’s own.
   “Yeah, the little twerp,” Kazuma joked, sipping his latte.
   Kurama tried for a smile, but no matter how he offered, Kazuma simply couldn’t get into a good mood. He was so fucking nervous, his heart was pounding a mile a minute. Perhaps coffee had not been the smartest beverage to choose from.

   “Kazuma...” Kurama spoke, and the use of his first name made Kazuma’s heart jump, “What’s wrong?”
   Kazuma stared into Kurama’s eyes, into all the concern and kindness that lay there, and cursed himself for what he knew he must do.

   “... I’ve...” Kazuma had no idea how to say what must be said. “I’ve realized something about myself as of late, something that might change everything for me.”
   “Anything I can help with?” Kurama tried, stirring his tea thoughtfully.
   Kazuma looked at Kurama, then down to his tea mug where his delicate finger spun round the rim. He knew that the time had come, that he simply had to come out and say it. Still, his fear was so deep within his heart. In the next few seconds, he felt like his entire earth would shift. If Kurama wasn’t gay, he was screwed. He was utterly fucking screwed. His gut senses told him Kurama was at least open to men, but he needed to hear Kurama say that. Even still, he needed Kurama to be attracted to him. He didn’t know which task was more insurmountable.

   “I think... I’m attracted... to...” Kazuma watched as Kurama waited with patient care, his expression poised and thoughtful, “Men.”
   Kurama just stared, nodding a little to ensure to Kazuma that he was in fact listening and had heard what he said.
“Does that... bother you?” Kazuma asked.
   Kurama snorted softly, shaking his head as he sipped his tea. “Hardly,” Kurama assured him, “Sexuality is actually quite fluid. As a demon, I understand the nature of its flexibility very well.”
   “Okay.” Kazuma’s throat was so dry he thought he might choke on his own tongue, “Are you... uh..?” Kazuma’s words fell dead in his mouth as Kurama looked up at him and smiled.
   The world stopped turning. All things came to a still.
   “I have never been one to set limitations, romantically or otherwise,” Kurama said.
Suddenly Kazuma felt like he could breathe again.
   I might have a shot! Kazuma thought, joy flooding his heart for the briefest moment.
   “Do you... have someone that you like?” Kazuma’s voice suddenly squeaked, and he cursed himself as Kurama laughed a little into his tea.
   “Not particularly,” Kurama admitted.
   So Kurama was open to men and unattached. Could this day get any better?
   “And you?” Kurama asked.
   Warning bells suddenly screamed in Kazuma’s head, his eyes showing him red momentarily as the sound of a gong ruptured between his ears. ‘Panic! Panic!’ screamed his heart.
   “There must be some reason why you realized you were attracted to men.”
   Kazuma could not speak, his mouth dry and his tongue like sandpaper. Terror flooded his heart as his hands shook. He hid them at once under the table, not wanting Kurama to see.
   “N-n-n-no reason,” Kazuma stuttered, cursing himself.
   "I wondered if perhaps... Yusuke?” Kurama offered, his smile alluding to a joke.
   “NO!” Kazuma snapped, a little louder than he intended as he smacked his coffee down on the table. Damnit, why the hell did everyone think he wanted to bone Urameshi? Christ it was gross! “Jeeze freaking Louise! What is it with people thinking me and Urameshi are-?!” But Kurama was laughing and waving him down, whispering ‘shh’ so that Kazuma at once lowered his voice.
“Don’t be angry,” he chortled, smiling sweetly. “I was only joking.”

   Kazuma could not help but feel his anger recede. There was something holy, something pure and simple about Kurama’s smile.
   “No,” Kazuma murmured, finishing his coffee, “Not Urameshi.”

   “Because you know, Hiei and I often wondered-“ Kurama smirked playfully.
   “Speaking of which,” Kazuma halted Kurama before he could continue, that phone conversation still bouncing around in his head, “What the hell was Hiei doing naked at your apartment?”
   Kurama scoffed, rolling his eyes at the memory.
   “Hiei has been very kind to me, helping me with a very serious personal matter. He needed a bath so I let him use my shower. He wasn’t quick to put on clothes when he got out.”
   Very serious personal matter...? Was something wrong with Kurama? Concern must have showed on Kazuma’s face as Kurama waved him down, his smile understanding.

   “No. I assure you. We have it handled. If it becomes too much to bear, I will let you know. For now, things are under control.”

   Kazuma nodded, still worried. What was wrong with Kurama? He wasn’t sick, was he? Kazuma had been watching his fingernails ever since that nasty fucking crook had jammed needles under them. They’d healed well, but still, he wondered. And god only knows his arm- Kazuma felt nauseas at the memory of Kurama, of his scream.
   “So he was in town helping you?” Kazuma asked.
   “Indeed. And I in turn helped him.”
   “Really? How?”
   “Hiei has...” Kurama paused, sighing as his expression turned forlorn, “Long standing issues. We aid each other in our times of stress. You must try to remember, Kazuma, that Hiei and I were partners far before I met you and Yusuke.” Kurama took another sip of tea; that was the second time Kurama had used his first name. It was making his heart pound, “We are, in a human term, best friends. But please... don’t ever insist as much to him.” Kurama shook his head, but stopped when he noticed the smile on Kazuma’s face.
   “... You just called me Kazuma.”
   “I apologize,“ Kurama began, his tone apologetic in his concern that he had crossed a line. Kazuma leapt to attention, waving his hand way to shush Kurama before he began.
   “No, please!” Kazuma urged, “I really want you to.”
   Kurama smiled tenderly.
   “It must seem strange for all of us to refer to you by your last name, but it seemed that that was the way things developed.” Kazuma could hear the apology in Kurama’s words.
   He just shrugged, grinning.
   “It was because Urameshi always called me Kuwabara and I always called him Urameshi. You guys were always closer to Yusuke-“
   “That’s not true,” Kurama cut him off. Kazuma’s breath caught in his chest, his eyes widening. “I consider you as close a companion as Yusuke.”
   “And Hiei?” Kazuma added.
   “And Hiei,” Kurama replied, and Kazuma could have sworn he saw a slight blush creeping across his cheeks.
   Was it because of him or because of…?
   “Look, let me just ask this for my own sanity,“ Kazuma began, but even as he did so Kurama cut him off.
   “No.”
   “No?” Kazuma asked.
   “Hiei and I have never been, will never be, lovers.” Kazuma could not help but let out a small breath of relief. Thank god, Hiei wasn’t in the competition for Kurama’s heart. He might have a chance. But what Kurama said next shocked Kazuma to the core: “Hiei is in love with a woman, and I highly doubt that we will ever feel attraction towards one another.”
   “Hiei’s in love?!” Kazuma demanded, agog.
   In love?! Hiei, in love?! Cold, callous, misanthropic and detestable Hiei, buying chocolates and flowers for some girl?
   “He has been for quite some time,” Kurama confirmed.

   “Uh, was anyone gonna fill me in on this?” Kazuma demanded, gesturing about to invisible people that he imagined to be keeping him out of the loop. Kurama chuckled, smiling to himself as he finished his tea.
   “Would you like to know her name?” Kurama asked coyly, no doubt sensing his overflowing curiosity
   “I’d like to know a whole lot more than that!” Kazuma exclaimed, unable to keep from grinning. Hiei... shit-mouthed Hiei, in love. He could hardly believe it.
   “Her name is Mukuro.” Kurama said, and Kazuma felt something suddenly nag at his brain. He’d heard that damn name before, he was certain!
   “Wait-“ Kazuma cut Kurama off, drumming a finger warily upon their table. Kurama smiled expectantly. “...Mukuro...” He said the name aloud.
   And then it clicked; a newspaper clipping Botan had brought with her!
   “Wait a damn minute!” Kazuma cursed, his jaw dropping, “I know about Mukuro! Hiei’s working for her or something- he killed a bunch of demons for her and I made a joke about how she was his girl-“ Kazuma cut himself off, smacking his hand upon the table, “I was right, wasn’t I?! She is his girlfriend! Well?” He demanded. Kurama chortled, looking down.
   “Yes. You were right,” Kurama agreed. “When no one made to interject you at the party, I thought that made it plain-“
   “Damnit, y’all have got to start letting me in on these secrets,” Kazuma grumbled. “Least there’s nothing else being hidden from me.”
   Kurama’s grin fell. Kazuma looked at him, waiting.
   ... Was there something else being kept from him?
   Kurama’s smile returned; perhaps it was nothing. Kurama carried on, “She is one of the strongest demons I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, and when Yusuke went to demon world to establish his claim over his ancestor’s territory, Hiei went to Mukuro to lead her forces. Against Yusuke, and myself respectively.”
   Oh goody, Hiei was courting some power house with a vendetta against Yusuke. Why did that not fucking surprise him? Fucking Hiei. What an ass!
   “Wait, wait, wait.” Kazuma growled, ready to lay down the law and squash anyone who got in the way... including some lady named Mukuro if it came to it. “Is this chick after Urameshi?”
   Suddenly Kazuma could feel an anger blooming in his chest, the rise for a fight, for a challenge. Yeah, let her try and come after their group! Let her woo Hiei and try to steam roll Yusuke! Kazuma would show her what was what.
   “Is Hiei screwing around with an enemy cause I swear I’ll rip his head off if he-“
   “Kazuma,” Kurama murmured his name. Like a pin to a balloon, all the anger gushed out of him. He felt empty somehow, deflated as he looked down at his finished coffee. “Mukuro is not Yusuke’s enemy. They are actually on genial terms and correspond frequently.”
   Kazuma was thankful to hear this. Somehow, it made him nervous to think of Hiei in love with a woman that had a mark out on Urameshi’s head. His gut told him to trust Hiei, told him to believe in Hiei’s goodness, but Hiei didn’t exactly make that easy.
   “And you?” Kazuma asked, simply to get the conversation off his anger and back towards calm.
   “I do not speak with Mukuro.” Kurama smiled, and Kazuma could feel the bitterness in his voice, hidden behind a mask of pleasantness, “She does not seek me out. She probably believes me to be untrustworthy.”
   It happened in a flash. Before Kazuma could stop himself, he had reached out across the table and clasped one of Kurama’s in his own. Kurama did not jerk his hand away, nor look up at Kazuma in surprise at the action – his expression unreadable.
   “Yeah, well... You’re trustworthy to me,” Kazuma murmured. Kurama smiled, and as a comforting gesture, squeezed his hand.

   They left the coffee shop soon after, taking Kazuma’s motorcycle down town to Urameshi’s noodle shop to make it in time. Kazuma couldn’t help himself, utterly elated at the feeling of Kurama pressed tight against his back, his arms wrapped around Kazuma’s chest-
   He’d trembled, and blamed it on the vibrating of the bike beneath them.
   At Yusuke’s, Kazuma had been excited to see that both Yukina and Shizuru were joining them for dinner. For some reason they seemed to have been together earlier already, both of them wearing bowling jackets. Apparently Shizuru had taken Yukina out to go bowling, which Kazuma couldn't understand but whatever. His sister was weird like that.
   Yukina gave him a bar of soap that smelt like green tea, telling him that it was his ‘scent’ in her opinion. It had smelt really good, and he was determined to put it to good use later.
   They’d eaten and enjoyed themselves, but when the meal was over Kazuma had a bone to pick with Urameshi and he wasn’t going to stop until he got an answer. He wanted to know why he’d been left out of the loop on Hiei’s little girlfriend.
   “Alright, Urameshi," Kazuma announced, causing Urameshi to look up from where he was washing dishes behind the counter, “You wanna come clean to me, you little punk?”
   “What’s up with people in my life?” Urameshi complained loudly, drying off his hands momentarily to grab more dirty plates that Keiko passed over the counter as she finished her rounds about the shop. “All of them on their cycles and bitching me out. First Keiko, then my mother, now you. Cripes, am I ever gonna catch a break?” He rolled his eyes. “What’s gotten under your collar, big guy? Lay it on me.” Yusuke leaned on the counter of his stand, grinning nonchalantly at Kazuma.
   “Hiei’s got a girlfriend, and no one told me!” Kazuma complained, outraged as he slammed his fist upon the counter. Urameshi stared at him for one second, his expression changing from lazy to shocked before spilling into peals of laughter. Urameshi cackled madly, dropping down behind the counter to pick up loose yen, and Kazuma poked his head over the counter to shout down at him.
   “Hey! Quit laughing at me!” Kazuma roared, his anger flaring up, “this is frickin’ serious! I thought we were a team! I know everything about your life and you sorta know everything about mine-!"
   “Sorta?” Urameshi snorted, standing back up and grabbing a moist rag from by the sink to wipe down the counter. “I absolutely know everything."
   “You’d be surprised." Kazuma growled, for the knowledge of his love for Kurama was as of yet unknown to Urameshi. This certainly did a number on his friend, for Urameshi leaned in at once.
   The pair of them were almost pressed nose to nose, glaring and snarling at each other.
   “You keepin’ secrets from me? How about you come clean, punk!” Urameshi poked him in the chest, and Kazuma grimaced as Shizuru snickered at him. Kurama just smiled knowingly, saying nothing.
Beautiful, perfect Kurama. Of course he wouldn’t spill Kazuma’s secret.
   “Lay off, Urameshi!” Kazuma warned. “This isn’t something you’d wanna hear about.”
   Urameshi gave him a quizzical look for one minute before sighing.
   “Look, get around here and help me clean up and I’ll tell you anything you wanna know.” It was a bargain Kazuma could happily take, heading around the counter to roll up his sleeves and help Urameshi with the dishes. As Urameshi washed, he dried only to hand off the plate or glass to Keiko who put it up in its appropriate spot behind the bar.
   “What does she look like?” Kazuma demanded. “Is she some short asshole like him? Ugly and scaly?”
   “Well, I mean-“ Yusuke scoffed, looking over his shoulder at Kurama. Kurama stared back, the pair of them clearly swapping information through expressions, “Okay so like...uh...” He washed a plate methodically, thinking his words over.
   He looked back at Kurama.
   “How would you describe Mukuro?”
   “You saw her as well I did, Yusuke,” his tone gentle yet cautionary.
   “Yeah but you’re better with words, and it’s kind of... you know...” Yusuke gave Kurama a knowing look, passing his plate to Kazuma to dry. Kazuma raised an eyebrow, following the whole interaction with curiosity. What the hell was the big deal?
   “I understand,” Kurama said, apparently catching on to what Yusuke didn’t want to say. Kurama ran his finger around the rim of the glass, a soft sigh coming from the crystal. “Mukuro is half demon, half robot.”
   In his shock, Kazuma almost dropped the plate he was holding, but caught it with quick reflexes. The image was too much - Hiei making out with some kind of machine. It all made sense, of course!
   “The fuck?!” Kazuma laughed, passing his plate to Keiko to accept a glass from Urameshi, “That’s rich; I guess it figures! Only someone with a robotic heart could ever find it in them to like Hiei-!”
   “Kazuma!” Yukina cried out, suddenly angry as she glared at him from across the counter. Kazuma flushed, eager to avoid her piercing red eyes so similar to Hiei’s as she frowned. Shizuru looked disappointed as well. Worst of all, Kurama was staring at him with a mixture of sadness and disappointment that he could not bear to see. “That is not nice to say,” said Yukina. “I like Hiei.”
   “As do I,” Yusuke growled, pushing another plate into Kazuma’s hands with a fierce look on his face.
   “As do you,” Kurama warned, pointing at Kazuma with such authority that Kazuma’s cheeks immediately grew hot.
   “Yeah, well,” Kazuma mumbled bitterly, looking down at the floor as he continued to dry, “he’s a dirty little punk and I wanna smash his face in for calling me stupid all the damn time.”
   “The feeling is not mutual,” Kurama replied, and Kazuma could not help but look back up at the shock of it all. What, Hiei didn’t hate him? That was news to him! “Hiei is your friend, your teammate, and will defend your back in a corner. If you doubt that, remember your struggle against Sensui-“
   “Where he ran off in the beginning and only stayed for the battle?! And then ran off again?!” Apparently Kazuma had remembered that whole escapade far differently from everyone else.
   Kurama just shook his head again.
   “Dude, he saved my fuckin’ life,” Urameshi said, giving Kazuma a knowing look as he passed him another plate. “I told you, Hiei would be back when we needed him, and he was.”
   “Hiei had to deal with his past after Sensui, Kazuma,” Kurama added, and Kazuma flushed again at the sincerity in Kurama’s voice. “I know very little about it but I can assure you that it was no pleasure cruise. There is a reason Hiei loves Mukuro, a reason that he stays with her and is devoted to her. Understand that someone who can capture Hiei’s heart, after all that he has endured, deserves your utmost respect.”
   An awkward silence fell about the room, capitalized by how Yusuke gave him a beady stare and Yukina tutted.
   Kazuma was tired of being the bad guy in this conversation. His confidence would be shattered for ten years after this conversation; Kurama probably thought he was an asshole now.
   “Okay, but how is she half robot?” Kazuma asked lamely, eager to move the conversation along.
   “Straight down the middle.” Yusuke drew a line down his face, dividing it vertically, “This whole arm?” He waved his right arm. “Robotic. A lot of her body on the right side is robotic. She probably got into some boss ass fight and had to get her body replaced. She’s a bad chick like that.” Yusuke winked.
   Jesus Christ, who the hell was Hiei sleeping with?
   “Well- what the hell does her normal half look like? Does this chick have a hair color?” Kazuma spluttered. He needed some normalcy in this conversation. He needed to know Hiei was not sleeping with a monster.
   “She has auburn hair, about down to the shoulder. It’s almost the color of yours.” Kurama smiled, and Kazuma’s heart fluttered. Kurama noticed his hair color? “And from what I saw of her, I believe her one good eye is violet-colored. Dark blue?” He paused, nodding to Yusuke.
   Yusuke nodded back.
   “She's about the same height as Hiei,” Kurama finished.
   “So they’re both midgets,” Kazuma joked, praying to god no one jumped on his ass again.
   “Not necessarily.” Kurama smiled. “Hiei is Yusuke’s height.”
   Kazuma did a double take- the fuck?
   “Holy god,” Kazuma muttered, “Are you serious?” When had Hiei gained that much height? Urameshi was about five foot seven, but that was damn taller than Hiei had been when they’d first met. Maybe Hiei had grown up?
   Kurama put an ‘x’ over his heart, smiling gently. The gesture was so unexpected and so adorable that Kazuma couldn’t help but whimper a little. Mercifully the sound was small. He kept it hidden as Urameshi pulled the plug in the sink and dried off his hands.
   “Well, I’ll be damned,” Kazuma mused to himself. So Hiei was dating some pain-loving chick that had robotic limbs. Fine by him, there was a foot for every shoe he supposed.
   “Anything else you wanna know?” Urameshi asked, grinning slyly.
   “Is she, uh...” Kazuma thought of Hiei, of how he’d snarled and fought against everything Kazuma believed to be true-
   Of the look of pain on Hiei's face, the pure anguish as he stared down at Urameshi’s dead body after Sensui-
   “Is she nice?” Kazuma asked.
   “She’s nice in her own way,” Kurama said, seeming to appreciate the implication behind Kazuma’s words. “As is Hiei.”
   Kazuma snorted.
   “So she’s a jerk,” Kazuma grumbled.
   “Probably.” Kurama laughed, but there was something in his voice that hinted to more. Kazuma wondered if Mukuro had already caused Hiei grief.
   “Whatever.” Kazuma shrugged, he would think no more on it till he saw Hiei again, “’Least he’s happy. Meanwhile I’m over here in relationship hell!” Urameshi did a double take, raising an eyebrow.
   “Yeah, yeah,” Urameshi snorted, “Look, help me with the trash will you?”
   The pair of them marched out back, dragging along heavy bags in their wake which they tossed one after the other into the commercial dumpster behind Yusuke’s lot. In the back parking lot, surrounded by their group’s cars and the quiet, Kazuma suddenly felt a strange sensation in his chest as he looked at Urameshi fishing for a cigarette in his inner jacket pocket.
   “Keiko looking?” Urameshi asked as he made to strike a match. Kazuma looked about.
   “You’re clear,” Kazuma assured him, noting they were entirely alone.
   Why was his heart suddenly pounding?
   “Good.” Urameshi said, taking a deep drag of his cigarette.
   “Bum me one?” Kazuma asked.
   “Always.” Urameshi lit another cigarette with the cherry of his own, passing it over to Kazuma who took a puff and tried to calm his shaking hands.
   “So uh... what was that back there?” Urameshi asked, “About relationship hell? Some girl pullin’ at your strings?”
   Kazuma’s cheeks burned. He looked away.

   “You alright, man?" Urameshi asked softly.

   For a minute the quiet passed between them, snow beginning to fall, coating everything around them in a light layer of white that made the scene incredibly peaceful to Kazuma despite how his heart pounded.
   It was time.

   “... I have something to tell you, and I don’t want you to get weird about it. Alright?” Kazuma asked, refusing to look at him.
   “Alright, I won’t get weird,” Urameshi promised, at total ease.
   “I’m going to need your full attention, too, pea brain; this is serious,” Kazuma warned, casting a look over his shoulder to point at Urameshi. Urameshi gave him a mock salute, his hand to his forehead with his cigarette between his lips.
   “Full attention; at the ready, Captain.”
   Kazuma swallowed. What was this damn feeling in his chest?
   “Do you remember a kid named Nobuyoshi Takahashi?”
   Urameshi shook his head, his brow furrowing slightly.
   “We used to go to school with him. He got his face pounded into the dirt a lot but never by you or me.” Urameshi looked quite disgruntled now.
   “Weird.” Urameshi snorted, smoking thoughtfully, “Someone at our old prison gets their teeth kicked in and it’s not by me?”
   “... They beat him up because he was gay,” Kazuma explained. Urameshi gave a weird look, and for one tiny second Kazuma thought he was going to have a mental break down from sheer terror.
   Then-
   “Wait-!” Urameshi’s eyes widened in knowing, “the gay kid who got the crap kicked out of him at school? Had a really girly haircut and that purple blazer?”
   “Yeah. Him.” Kazuma swallowed, his mouth incredibly dry for the second time that day.
   “Yeah...” Urameshi nodded, relaxing again as he continued to smoke, “What about him?”
   “I saw him the other day.”
   “How’s he doing?”
   “Still gay.”
   “Still getting the crap kicked out of him?” Urameshi looked wary all of a sudden, raising an eyebrow.
   “No.” Kazuma shook his head.
   “Good.” Urameshi finished his cigarette, dropping it to put it out with his boot in the snow. “That shit was tough to watch.”
   “Fuck with you too?”
   “Tch- yeah!” Urameshi snorted, dragging fingers through his lightly gelled hair as he took a deep breath. “I like a good ass beating but that kid didn’t deserve it. He was just being himself. Besides those other guys were always self-centered pricks. I never liked their style.” Urameshi gave him a gentle grin, and Kazuma’s heart jumped, “So I fucked up their faces and stole their turf.”

   Kazuma’s heart pounded in his chest, heat filling his face.
   “What?” Urameshi asked gently, his coy smile toying with Kazuma as much as his lilting tone.
   “Takahashi made this dumb...” Kazuma whispered, but all of a sudden Takahashi’s words, Kurama’s words, everyone’s words were starting to make.
   Holy christ, did he have a crush on Urameshi?
   But- but he liked Kurama! He loved Kurama! Kurama entranced him! Kurama put him on a level of cloud-nine that he’d never known before-!
   ...But... Yusuke- Yusuke made him feel-
   Invincible.
   “What? Are you gay, is that it?” Urameshi asked with a slight laugh.
   Invincibility ran away to be replaced by terror. Kazuma stared at Urameshi in horror.
   “What?” Urameshi asked, now more serious. As the silence stretched out between them, Urameshi turned from serious to coy once again, grinning as he winked at Kazuma. “What, you think that matters to me?”
   Kazuma didn’t know what to say.
   “So, what did he say?” Urameshi continued on, “Did he ask you out on a date?”
   “No-!” Kazuma snapped angrily, jerked out of his silence by Urameshi’s laugh.
   “Good, because you can do better.”
   “He- he just insisted that-... I... liked you-“ Kazuma could say no more, blood rushing to his face and his brain clouding as Urameshi turned on him, suddenly grinning wildly. He sauntered up to Kazuma, swaying his hips far more than he certainly should have as he pressed a hand upon Kazuma’s chest-
   Shit, shit, what the fuck?

   “Eh?” Yusuke laughed coyly. “Do tell!”
   “Apparently I had a crush on you!” Kazuma blurted out, terrified of Yusuke pressing himself any closer, “Or so people thought?”
   “Well, I’ll be damned,” Yusuke sneered softly, and to Kazuma’s horror he leaned in even further, his entire body now pressed upon Kazuma so that Kazuma was forced to back up and hit Shizuru’s car. He grabbed at the trunk and the back windshield, afraid out of his mind as his heart pounded in his chest. He was certain Yusuke could feel it beneath his fingers, as Yusuke smiled up at him with such calm and cruel knowing that Kazuma could barely think.
   He was fucked. He was so fucked.
   “Kuwabara, you asshole,” Yusuke said slyly, winking as he draped an arm about Kazuma’s heated neck, “Hiding your feelings from me all this time-"
   “Hey-!” Kazuma squeaked, trying to push Yusuke off. Yusuke just laughed and fell off, his face alit with delight, “Get off me, you lil’ punk! It’s not like that!”
   But his heart was pounding so wildly Kazuma thought he might faint.
   It absolutely was like that, and Yusuke knew it.
   “Ah, relax, Kuwabara,” Yusuke murmured softly, throwing him another wink. “I figured you might have liked me after that whole Sensui shit-“
   “What are you talking about?” Kazuma huffed, desperately to bring some normalcy back into this conversation. “Just because you saved me doesn’t mean I’m attracted to you.”
   Yusuke grinned. “Ahem,” he said, coughing into his fist before putting on a rough voice much like Kazuma’s own, “What I did for you against that fight with Toguro, I did for you! I did it for you, Urameshi! Without you who am I!? There’s nothing wrong with two dudes needing each other! “
   He winked at Kazuma, and Kazuma ground hard down on his teeth, ready to punch Urameshi in the face.
   “You... little...shit."
   “What?” Urameshi asked in mock confusion, but suddenly he turned soft again, “Maybe it meant something to me, too?” And he smiled up at Kazuma.
   Kazuma’s heart pounded again, his eyes widening as Yusuke shrugged.
   “So what if you like guys? Who cares?” Yusuke looked up at the stars currently hidden by snowing clouds. Several flakes fell upon his cheeks and brow, “I’ve seen some really fucked up shit in my life. Dudes takin’ it up the ass does not bother me in any way at all.”
   Kazuma swallowed. It was hard to argue with that logic.
   “Glad to know,” he said hoarsely.

   Yusuke looked down at back at him, chewing upon his lip as he winked at Kazuma.
   “So, wanna kiss me?”
   Kazuma’s brain exploded. He made several garbled sounds, waving his hands erratically to keep Yusuke away from him as his heart thundered in his chest.
   Yusuke just laughed and laughed, leaning in more and more-
   “Don’t look into it like some crazy person. Maybe I’m just grateful,” Yusuke murmured, his charm oozing from every pore and captivating Kazuma’s neurotic senses.
   “F-for w-what?” Kazuma demanded.
   “For your friendship. For the connection you give me.” Yusuke looked down, then back up again with a wink and a grin. His nose scrunched up with a level of cuteness Kazuma could not abide.
   “... How are you possibly okay with this?” Kazuma whispered, entranced by it all. “With… with me liking men? I can’t believe you are."
   “Dude...” He laughed gently, looking away with a sigh, “I’m not exactly the straightest arrow myself okay? Yeah, I love Keiko, and at the end of the day she’s got me round the neck like no one else alive... but I’ve had my moments. There’ve been other guys I’ve noticed. Guys I’ve...liked.”
   “Who!?” Kazuma demanded, eager to know. Yusuke just laughed, telling him nothing, “No, you gotta tell me now!”
   “Nah, you’d freak.” Yusuke winked, making to pull away. Kazuma grabbed his hand, forcing him back to the car. Yusuke looked at where Kazuma had grabbed him on the wrist, then up at his face, surprise evident upon his boyish features.
   “Tell me right now!” Kazuma demanded.
   “Nah.”
   “You’re such a fucking asshole, I can’t believe I go open my soul to you and you can’t even do it back! You’re a coward!”
   But Yusuke was grinning at him softly, looking down a little, his long lashes dotted with snow, and Kazuma’s voice failed him as Yusuke looked back up at him.
   “You.”
   Kazuma gaped, unable to speak.
   Him? Urameshi- Yusuke had liked him?
   Holy shit.
   “I always liked you when we were younger.”
   For a minute Kazuma just stared down at Yusuke, soaking up how strangely... lovely... Yusuke was. This mean little bug in his arms, hard and defiant, so ready to take on the world. So wonderful with his smile, and his bad attitude, and his cigarette habit and his need to protect his friends. It had charmed Kazuma in childhood. How could he deny it now?

   And yet... Kazuma did not feel near the pull to Yusuke that he once had. There was something else nagging in the back of his mind- a vulpine stare and smooth porcelain skin that urged him onward, urged him back to Kurama.

   Still, it was funny to consider.
   “So what you’re tellin’ me is that I liked you and you liked me... but both of us never did anything about it?”
   “Looks that way.” Yusuke grinned cheekily.
   “... That’s the biggest crock of shit I’ve ever heard.” Kazuma could hardly stand it.
   “Yeah, and to think-“ Yusuke pressed himself against Kazuma, and though Kazuma’s heart pounded he could not help but yearn for more. He’d been so lonely for so long, and now here Yusuke was pressing into him. “We could have had some fun together.”
   Kazuma swallowed.
   Yusuke looked back at the shop door, then around the parking lot, finding them quite alone and undisturbed. He smiled coyly up at Kazuma. “We still could if you like.”
   “Hold the fuck up,” Kazuma growled warily; he sure as shit wasn’t choking someone else’s chicken. “You and Keiko-“
   “Oh, please.” Yusuke snorted, his smile never dimming, “I don’t go around sucking everyone’s face off. There are certain people that I wouldn’t mind kissing and you’re one of them.” He grinned at Kazuma’s shock, “Course, I'd always love Keiko the most. You know that though.”
   “Yeah. I know that.” Kazuma grinned.
   Yusuke pressed closer. There was only about an inch separating them now, their noses just barely brushing. Kazuma shook his head, unable to believe that Yusuke Urameshi was about to be his first kiss.
   He’d only kissed Yukina upon the cheek, and even though he’d hoped for more she’d never been coy or flirtatious with him. There had been other girls that had liked him when he’d entered college, but he’d never took them up on their advances, and so Kazuma found himself to be twenty four years old without one solid experience of getting to first base.
   Yusuke had been his first crush, even if he’d been unable to recognize it back then, a boy in which charm and cattiness could often go hand in hand, whose glimmering eyes and bronzed muscles were certainly appealing if you were in the right mood. Kazuma loved Kurama, had been in love with him for seven years, but he was so damn lonely... wishing in that moment for a pair of arms to hold him, a pair of lips to touch him, and if Yusuke only wanted to kiss him as a friend...
   .... then perhaps, he needed a friend.
   “Don’t ever tell anyone about this,” Kazuma whispered against Yusuke’s skin.

   “Not my style,” Yusuke whispered back.
   They kissed.

   Yusuke’s lips were not smooth and creamy like Kurama’s. They were chapped and rough like his own, stained with the scent of cigarettes and diet coke. Yet as Yusuke pressed himself against Kazuma and wrapped his arms about Kazuma’s neck, Kazuma felt a bizarre sense of completeness inside of him that could not be denied, a wild burning fire that urged him to kiss Yusuke deeper.

   Yusuke was smiling against him lips, opening his mouth and slipping his tongue gently inside Kazuma’s own.
   His hands shook upon Yusuke’s waist, and he grabbed the hard muscles there, desperate for something firm to cling to. Yusuke turned his head ever so slightly, changing the angle of their kiss as Kazuma took a shuddering breath-
   Kurama pressed against him, beautiful and loving, looking up into Kazuma’s eyes with longing and desire. A hunger was between them as he pressed his lips to Kazuma’s. Kazuma wrapped his arms tight around Kurama, adoring him, loving him, pulling him under and beneath into the calm and gray-
   Kazuma gasped, pulling back.
   He couldn’t kiss Yusuke. He loved Kurama.
   Yusuke was grinning at him in his arms, his hold still about Kazuma’s neck. He shook his head as he stepped back, slipping way.

   Admittedly, that kiss had been fucking beautiful; even with Kurama locked deep within his heart.
   Yusuke was wild. He had a charm none could deny.
   “.... I think I did have a crush on you,” Kazuma whispered. “Holy shit, I didn’t even know it.”
   “Yep. Happens.” And yet instead of feeling happy, Kazuma felt suddenly miserable as the guilt washed over him. “Oh, God, I shouldn’t have done that. Yusuke, what am I gonna do? I shouldn’t have kissed you,” Kazuma whispered, and before he could stop it, his voice broke, “I love him and I can’t tell him. I love him and I kissed you. I’m a horrible person!”
   Yusuke looked back, coyness gone in a flash to be replaced by concern. He was back against Kazuma in a flash, his weight more comforting than distracting as he tilted his head and frowned.

   “Who?” he asked. “Who do you love? Tell me. Let me help you.”
   “I can’t. You know him,” Kazuma whispered, his voice quaking as he held back tears. “I can’t tell anyone. Not after what I’ve done tonight-”
   Yusuke sighed. “You’re already torn up about your major. I know you hate it. I know you wanna be an architect.” Yusuke smiled as Kazuma snorted and looked away. “Hey, I see the way you subscribe to Architectural Digest. I know you want to do it so bad it kills you, but you don’t want to disappoint your sister... but listen, fuck your sister. I love her, but fuck her. Do you. Do what makes you happy.”
   Kazuma didn’t know what to say. He certainly was glad for Yusuke’s support as he bowed his head.
   “Hey.” Yusuke took Kazuma’s face in his hands, forcing Kazuma to look at him. Yusuke smiled cheerily, ever the ray of sunshine, even on a dark and snowy night. “... Tell him. Tell him or change your major. Do something to make yourself happy. And if you don’t... I’ll kiss you again, in front of Yukina.”
   “Fuckin’ punk.” Kazuma couldn’t help but smile, his hand still on Yusuke’s waist. He squeezed the muscles there.
   “Yep!” Yusuke winked at him. “I’ve got your back. You know that.” And without another word he slipped away, walking back to the door of the shop. He cast a look over his shoulder, a finger pressed to his lips.
   Their kiss would stay between them. It had not been the kiss of lovers, full of passion and adoration. It had been the kiss of best friends, supportive and caring.
   Kazuma crossed his arms over his chest, shaking his head as Yusuke teasingly smacked his ass for Kazuma to see before slipping inside. He thought he was hot shit, sure enough.
   Oh, who was Kazuma kidding? No one could deny that Yusuke was incredibly hot shit.
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Into the Gray