Adult-FanFiction.org : YuYu Hakusho

The Art of Loving Oneself	By : Megallica Category: Yuyu Hakusho > Yaoi - Male/Male > Hiei/Kurama Views: 4288 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, this is a work of fanfiction for which I do not get money.

Chapter List
- 1-1
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 5
- 6
- 7
Utter silence greeted Kurama and Kuwabara when they returned to the fire pit. Yuusuke was dozing softly against a tree and Hiei was quietly sharpening his sword, the finished meat skewers steaming on a makeshift grass mat beside him. He kept throwing Yuusuke disgusted looks.

The air was muggy and there were large buzzing insects nearby. The smoke from Hiei’s fire kept most of them at bay, however. Kurama knelt beside Hiei and followed Kuwabara with his eyes as the redhead maneuvered around the campfire to reposition Yuusuke on the ground.

“He is actually sleeping...” Kuwabara murmured with an air of amazement. “Mutterin’ about tempura.”

Kurama chuckled softly and sat more comfortably on the ground, shifting slightly toward Yuusuke as he did so. Hiei gave him a sharp look. “You.”

Kurama raised his eyebrows at Hiei. “Me? What about me?”

“You are hiding something.”

Kurama stared at Hiei, his expression carefully blank. “To what could you possibly be referring? I have a number of secrets. Is it suddenly my duty to share them all?”

Hiei was silent for several beats. “Unlike you to admit.”

“Not like you t’be so nosy either, Hiei,” Kuwabara interjected, picking up a skewer.

Hiei scowled. “You clearly have no idea what either of us is talking about.”

“I don’t know what any of you are talking about but it sounds way too intense.” Yuusuke sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning loudly. “Woke me up with all this....” Yuusuke gestured. “Whatever it is.”

“Hiei’s bein’ nosy,” Kuwabara explained before taking a bite out of the meat. He grimaced.

“Kurama is hiding something. Something important to his own survival. If you ignorant morons would cease prattling about nonsense, perhaps he’d explain why he’s hiding an illness.” Hiei glared at Kurama again.

“If you had outright asked me if I were ill, Hiei, I would have--”

“Lied.” Hiei moved closer to Kurama, staring at him. Kurama moved back slightly. “Your body heat rose degrees above normal even for a kitsune over the past four hours.”

“Hiei.” Yuusuke called. “First off, since when do you pay attention to that shit and second, why the fuck are you talking so much suddenly?”

“Kurama is our most intelligent ally. I do not want to be stranded in Makai wilderness babysitting you while he is off pretending not to be ill.” Hiei ground his teeth together.

“I do not feel ill.” Kurama protested.

“You have a fever. Why am I always surrounded by morons? I refuse to believe you hadn’t noticed.”

“Uhh... now that y’mention it, Hiei, Kurama don’t look right.” Kuwabara shifted up on his knees. “I ain’t a doctor though.”

“Is Hiei a doctor?” Yuusuke leaned forward and looked at Kurama. “Kurama looks fine to me. Maybe a little taller than normal....”

“Now is hardly the time for jokes, Yuusuke.” Kurama sat back against the tree. “I did not wish to trouble the whole group with a minor fever, Hiei. I am hardly fragile.”

“Says the guy who kinda died a little bit....” Yuusuke stood and walked around, reaching out to feel Kurama’s forehead. “Okay so.... you feel a lot warmer than a drunk person and drunk people usually feel like a person with a fever right?” Yuusuke pulled his hand away and glanced over his shoulder at Kuwabara. “You’re the closest thing we’ve got to a doctor.”

“I was learning to be a pediatrician, Urameshi. Not a youkai doctor! I dunno how t’tell if a youkai’s got a fever or not. Kurama ain’t exactly a human kid. Besides, only been in school fer three years. I was still workin’ on the basics when I dropped out ‘cause of all this crap.” Kuwabara crossed his arms over his chest and scowled.

“Damn, you’re right. We probably need a vet...” Yuusuke sat back down on his ass and scooted away from Kurama.

“I believe Kurama has already admitted that he has a fever.” Hiei stood. “I’m going to scout the area. Try not to die while I’m gone.”

Yuusuke looked pointedly at Kuwabara after Hiei left.

“What?” Kuwabara asked.

“You’re the only one at the camp right now who hasn’t died yet.” Yuusuke kept staring at Kuwabara.

“Yuusuke.” Kurama sighed heavily and flicked his tail. “I was not technically ever dead, you realize.”

“You think so?” Yuusuke raised his eyebrows and looked back at Kurama. “What did it feel like?”

“Urameshi, I don’t think--”

“It’s alright, Kuwabara-kun.” Kurama shrugged. “I felt as though I were trapped in a very small box with no light, sound or sensation for a short period of time before I slowly became aware of my own body again. When I was fully aware, I was laying in the forest as I appear now. I vaguely recall hearing shouting almost as soon as it got dark, some sort of explosion, then what was definitely Hiei shouting. Immense heat for quite a long time while I assume Hiei was carrying me, then I heard Shizuru demand to know where Kuwabara-kun was before the voices were too soft to distinguish from the wind.”

“You heard a lot less than I did. I thought your soul just.... kinda did the same thing mine did after Sen-”

“Can we talk about somethin’ else?” Kuwabara rubbed his arms and moved a bit closer to the fire.

“What now?” Yuusuke glared at Kuwabara. “Seems like you get pissed at everything I say lately. And someone explain why Hiei’s talking so much! It’s fucking weird.”

“You were the one who told Hiei he talks too much the very moment you met him,” Kurama said.

“How do you even know that?” asked Yuusuke. “You weren’t even THERE.”

Kurama smirked. “Hiei told me the entire story years ago right after it happened.”

Yuusuke gave Kurama a sideways stare. “How did you get him to tell you stuff?”

“I listened instead of telling him to shut up. Hiei is not as secretive as he pretends to be. I tried to tell you this quite some time ago but you never listened to me.” Kurama laughed. “Is it any wonder Hiei was constantly so silent around you?”

“He didn’t talk because he thought I wasn’t listening? I fucking listen all the time! You never told me Hiei liked to talk.” Yuusuke scowled. “Jeez. Just because I act like a doofus, that’s no reason to treat me like one.”

“You misunderstood.” Kurama shook his head. “Hiei is not terribly good at reading people. He was silent because you told him it was a bad tactic to speak to an enemy so much. He respected your advice because you won the fight.”

“Why is he talking so much now?” Yuusuke glanced over his shoulder. “Can he hear us?”

“It does not matter whether or not Hiei can hear us. We are not saying anything he does not already know.” Kurama closed his eyes. “Regardless, I do not know why Hiei is choosing to speak around you more. I know he insulted Kuwabara-kun often to motivate him to become stronger so he would not die. Hiei is a complicated person, Yuusuke.”

“And how do you know all this?” Yuusuke squinted across the fire.

“Because...” Kurama yawned, closing his eyes and tilted his head against the tree. “Hiei is my friend...” Kurama was asleep a moment later.

“The fever is obviously making him delirious,” Hiei muttered.

Kuwabara whipped around and gaped at Hiei who was suddenly standing behind him.. “How’d you...? When...?”

“If you cannot sense me by now, you are beyond help.” Hiei turned his attention to Yuusuke. “Do not listen to a word he says.”

“Why not?” Yuusuke wiggled his eyebrows. “Was he lying?”

Hiei rolled his eyes and put a damp piece of cloth over Kurama’s forehead.

“So... Are you a doctor or not?” Yuusuke dodged a punch Hiei aimed at his head.

“I possess common sense and basic first aid skills that any reasonable fighter should know! You and the oaf are not amusing me with your infantile antics. Be silent or else say something useful.”

“Wow, Hiei, yer in a bad mood.” Kuwabara inched a bit closer to Yuusuke.

“This is not a mood. Kurama is sick and no one seems to understand how that puts all of us at risk. How do you propose that we remain hidden while Kurama is in control of all of our camouflage? He is too ill not to know when to keep his mouth shut, let alone maintain our facade.” Hiei started climbing a tree. “I will keep watch.”

“I don’t get it,” Yuusuke whispered to Kuwabara. “Why is Hiei panicking so bad? We’re in the middle of the woods and if Kurama says his fever is no big deal, why doesn’t Hiei just listen to him?”

“Kurama also told you he was fine when he was.... i-in the cave, Urameshi. How’d y’forget that? H-how can y’trust him after he let y’think he was okay and then d-died right in front of your face?” Kuwabara rubbed his arms again. “Dunno, Urameshi..”

“...You don’t think he wasn’t sure he was going to be okay?” Yuusuke frowned. “Kurama’s never lied to me yet.”

“Dunno if I can call it lyin’ but even if he knew he was gonna be okay, why didn’t he tell us how he knew yet? I dunno if Kurama really knows what happened t’him.” Kuwabara patted Yuusuke’s arm. “He don’t remember anything from right before everything got messed up.”

“Wait...” Yuusuke scratched the back of his head. “Oh.... Oh fuck... You’re right. He had no idea why he was in the cave. He seems okay now even if, yeah, a little loopy from fever. I wasn’t trying to piss Hiei off, either. I just don’t get why he’s suddenly so.... I dunno... he’s being weird around Kurama. I knew Hiei was looking out for us but he’s acting like Kurama’s about to... die... again... Oh holy shit, does that mean Hiei’s freaked out about Kurama dying because he.. sorta just did?”

Kuwabara gave Yuusuke a long, silent look then turned away and sighed. “You can be real slow sometimes.”

“Just because I’m not fuckin’ college educated... Always gotta be a smartass. And why are you being weird too?” Yuusuke scowled at Kuwabara. “Do you have a fever? Are you freaking out about someone dying?”

Kuwabara wrung his hands in his lap but shook his head. “No. I ain’t worried ‘bout anybody dyin’. Not really. I mean, stuff’s kinda dangerous right now but I know me you an’ Hiei can hold our own enough t’protect Kurama until he’s fit t’fight again and after what he jus’ lived through, it ain’t surprisin’ he’s a little sick anyhow. Plus, everybody we care about except Koenma is at the Temple. Nothin’s gettin’ past Botan-san, sis an’ Yukina-san. Not t’mention yer ma and Keiko. Plus all the protection of th’old lady’s land and Puusuke!”

Yuusuke winced. “Well, I’m glad everyone’s okay. Especially Keiko and my ma. I know they’re both still targets for anyone who wants to hurt me.” Yuusuke glanced at Kurama briefly and then looked at Kuwabara. “I’m.... kinda glad you’re not at the temple. One less person I have to wonder about.” Yuusuke cleared his throat and slid away from Kuwabara by an inch or two.

“Now!” Kurama shouted in his sleep. He woke a moment later, blinking rapidly several times, his breathing ragged.

Yuusuke hurried over to Kurama. “Are you alright?” He took the damp rag from Kurama’s head and found it was dry. “Oi! Hiei!” Yuusuke called. But Hiei was already a foot away.

“It was only a bad dream...” Kurama whispered. He let out a whine and shifted.

Hiei reached out and touched Kurama’s forehead. “Your fever has increased again.”

“Look for a willow tree and bring me the bark,” Kurama rasped.

“We are in Makai you fool!” Hiei snapped. “What would work instead?”

“Opium.”

“That ain’t right, Kurama. Are you hurtin’? Hold on...” Kuwabara rifled through the duffle-bag, hands shaking and found the first aid kid he’d packed. “I got some aspirin.”

“That will do.” Kurama drifted off to sleep before Kuwabara could hand him the pill.

Hiei looked around at Kuwabara. “What now?”

“Put it under his tongue.” Kuwabara handed the pill to Hiei and watched in amazement as the hiyoukai pried Kurama’s mouth open and poked the pill under his tongue before pressing his hands to the sides of Kurama’s neck. “What’re you doin’?”

Hiei said nothing, just closed his eyes. The jagan glowed purple and moments later Kurama’s breathing evened out and he looked less flushed.

Kuwabara glanced at Yuusuke, finally noticing the pinching pain in his forearm from where Yuusuke was gripping it tight enough his nails dug in. “Urameshi?” Kuwabara nudged Yuusuke. “Let go.”

Yuusuke withdrew his hand, spluttering an awkward apology as he pulled away.

“He’s gonna be fine, Yuusuke.” Kuwabara’s tone was light and comforting. Hiei shot him a glare. “What?”

“You do not know that for certain. Do not fill his head with false hope.” Hiei backed away. “He will live. Provided he is alert enough to eat soon.” Hiei sat down a few inches from Kurama.

“What’d y’do?” Kuwabara leaned back against the tree behind him, tensing when Yuusuke shifted closer.

“Pulled the heat away from his body.” Hiei closed his eyes. “One of you remain conscious. Or I will kill you.” Hiei fell asleep sitting upright with Yuusuke and Kuwabara gaping at him.

The walls are closing in. There is nowhere to run. From every part of my body, a sick, oily feeling cascades inward. I feel tainted, even moreso than I had been. I am not safe here. I do not know if I am alive or dead but the thought of death comforts more than frightens me. I would take myself out of this agony if I had the strength to move a muscle but every slight spasm causes me pain. My friends continually speak to me but I cannot hear them. I have been carried a great distance. I do not know where I am.

All I know is pain.

Kurama kept drifting in and out of consciousness over the next few days. The camp was silent around him for the most part. He was vaguely aware of someone wiping his face with a wet cloth on occasion and the sounds of his friends’ muffled reasurrances. It didn’t matter. Kurama was sure he was going to die. What he worried about most was not his own body and life but what would happen to his comrades if he should pass on. And that was the only thing that kept him fighting through the waves of hot torturous pain. He’d feel blissfully unaware of it for a moment at a time. The moments without pain were his least lucid.

“The train...” Kurama muttered. “I have to get there.”

Yuusuke looked at Kurama for a few moments. They’d been watching Kurama deteriorate for days. The worse Kurama’s symptoms got, the quieter and more focused and intense Hiei was. After three days, Hiei stopped talking altogether and basically ignored Kuwabara and Yuusuke. Yuusuke and Kuwabara were watching Hiei with dumbfounded expressions half the time. They’d either chat quietly back and forth or observe Hiei as he wiped sweat off of Kurama’s face with a wet rag a few times. There had also been a significant decrease in the temperature of the forest. Neither Yuusuke nor Kuwabara mentioned it but both realized it was probably Hiei’s doing somehow.

“We’re kinda... running out of food,” Yuusuke muttered. “Think you and me should go hunting?”

Kuwabara looked at Yuusuke for a moment, almost flinching at how ragged Yuusuke looked. “We’ll last another day without huntin’,” Kuwabara whispered back.

“I will go,” Hiei said. Yuusuke and Kuwabara both looked up. Hiei hadn’t said a word in almost two days. He didn’t say anything else and was out of the clearing before Kuwabara had a chance to shout “we should stay together!” (he did anyway).

“Fool...” Kurama shifted slightly onto his side and gripped at the dirt. “The cave is full of poison.”

“Fuck.” Yuusuke stood and kicked at the dirt beneath his feet. “Fuck!”

Kuwabara was on his feet moments after Yuusuke began pacing. He stood near Yuusuke but far enough so that Yuusuke wouldn’t strike him with all of his rage-fueled gesturing. “What the FUCK are we supposed to do now?! Huh?! Fucking Hiei can’t even bother to say shit to us and Kurama’s... sick and spouting off a bunch of crazy shit.”

“Urameshi.” Kuwabara took a step toward Yuusuke, holding up his hands. “Calm down a second.”

Yuusuke stopped in his tracks, giving Kuwabara the most menacing scowl he possessed. “Don’t tell me to calm down! Don’t you fucking tell me what to do!”

“Yuusuke.” Kuwabara took another step toward Yuusuke. A muscle in Yuusuke’s jaw twitched and he kept his eyes locked on Kuwabara’s. “We gotta jus’ wait this out. Hiei knows what he’s doin’. Haven’t seen hide ‘r hair of the SDF. Jus’ stay calm.”

“Stop talking to me like a freaking mental patient. You’re pissing me off.”

Yuusuke started pacing again. Kuwabara had his hand on Yuusuke’s elbow a moment later. Yuusuke turned. Fist cocked and aimed at Kuwabara’s face.

Kuwabara trembled slightly. He could feel Yuusuke’s youki radiating off his body. Sparks of static electricity prickling at his elbow and Yuusuke just stood there. Staring at him with his fist in the air. Just staring.

“U-Urameshi?”

Yuusuke blinked and let go of Kuwabara’s arm. He rolled his eyes and shoved Kuwabara but with so little force that Kuwabara didn’t budge by a millimeter. “Sheesh. Tryin’ to get yourself killed, dummy?”

“Hiei?” Kurama muttered. “Yuusuke? I... w-water.”

Kuwabara was at Kurama’s side before Yuusuke even looked up. He helped the kitsune sit up and tipped a cup of water (that smelled incredibly clean considering Hiei got it out of a river) to Kurama’s lips. “Thank you,” Kurama coughed. He blinked a few times. “Where is Hiei?”

Yuusuke rushed over to help Kurama sit up against the tree so he could sip at the water. “He, uh, went to go kill dinner, I guess.”

“How fortunate.” Kurama closed his eyes.

“Try t’stay awake fer a bit, Kurama,” Kuwabara said, a hand on Kurama’s shoulder. “Gotta drink as much water as y’can and get some food in you.”

“Yes. I will stay awake if you keep talking to me.”

Yuusuke headed back to the other side of the fire pit. It was midday so there weren’t even coals going. There was a wide, narrow track of packed dirt where Yuusuke always sat or paced. The plants Kurama had grown to shield them from the rest of the forest were still all doing what Kurama had intended.

“Dunno what t’say, though,” Kuwabara muttered.

“Why don’t you tell him how pretty his hair is?” Whatever obnoxious face Yuusuke was making when he said that, Kuwabara didn’t even turn to see. But he took his hand off of Kurama’s shoulder

“Thank you, Yuusuke,” Kurama muttered.

“Looks nice. Even with the dirt and twigs. Cool color.”

Kurama laughed. “I did not realize you enjoyed silver.”

“Think you’re getting better?”

“I certainly hope so...” Kurama opened his eyes, his lids were drooping. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all.

“Think you can grow something for yer fever now?” Kuwabara asked. “Been giving you aspirin but it doesn’t seem t’do much.”

“Let me see...” Kurama reached into his hair, looking for seeds. He was surprised to find so many considering his transformation. He sifted through the seds trapped in tangles and twigs, wincing. A few moments later, Kurama pulled a seed out of his hair and dropped it on the ground. An odd, gnarly root grew where he’d dropped it. It didn’t look like anything special. Kurama nibbled on one end, made a face then took a sip of water. He did this several times until the root was gone. “I wish I had tea...”

“You don’t keep that in your hair too?” Yuusuke smirked.

“No, unfortunately. I have plenty of seeds that I could turn into herbal teas but none of them would taste terribly good. I do not carry around green tea seeds nor do I enjoy the flavor of many flowers.” Kurama closed his eyes again and sank back against the tree. “That... explanation took quite a lot of effort.”

“Maybe you should use less words sometimes?” Yuusuke said. His smirk grew slightly as he spoke.

“Perhaps.” Kurama turned his head slightly toward Kuwabara. “I’d prefer not to eat but I know I must. Is there anything left in the food supplies?”

“Right!” Kuwabara stood and headed for the duffle bag. He searched the bottom of the bag and found some jerky Hiei had smoked himself and put in old bags of store bought jerky. It didn’t taste nearly as good but it was far more nutritious.

Kurama did the same nibbling thing he’d done with the root until he’d managed to eat a full strip. “I can’t.” Kurama waved off Kuwabara’s offer of another piece. “My stomach is full. I feel I should sleep again. Tell Hiei I am feeling better.” Kurama closed his eyes again. He was fast asleep in seconds.

“That was better’n usual.” Kuwabara whispered, heading back over to sit down next to Yuusuke. Yuusuke moved a bit closer to Kuwabara almost as soon as Kuwabara sat down. “Sounded more with-it than th’last time he woke up fer sure. Plus he ate.”

“Yeah, I’m over the moon about it...” Yuusuke muttered. “He can talk. He’s still sick.”

Kuwabara was quiet for a few seconds, listening to the sounds of the forest. “I think... somethin’ else is buggin’ ya.”

Yuusuke scowled at Kuwabara. “Seriously?” Yuusuke’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. “You think something else is bugging me too. Like the fact we’re in the fucking woods cut off from everybody we care about, being hunted by some dickbags with stupid.... stupid.” Yuusuke gestured incoherently. “I mean, nothing like breaking up with somebody, then having your mom attacked, then having your best friend kidnapped. Gee, no, my life sounds just fucking spectacular.”

“What happened?” Kuwabara folded his hands in his lap. “I-I mean, y’don’t gotta tell me if it’s none of my busin-”

“See? This is what I like about you.” Yuusuke turned and stared at the fire pit.

“Huh?” Kuwabara frowned, a light flush covering his cheeks.

“You’re not an asshole.” Yuusuke grinned. “See? You even let me change the subject.”

“Like I said, it ain’t my business...” Kuwabara shurgged.

“You mean...” Yuusuke glanced at Kuwabara quickly before looking away again. “Me and Keiko, right?”

“Yeah.” Kuwabara moved a few inches closer to Yuusuke.

“It’s.... kinda hard to explain.” Yuusuke shrugged. “It just... wasn’t going to happen.”

“Why not?” Kuwabara frowned again, brow furrowed. “I don’t get it. Everybody thought y’were gonna be t’gether fer e... uh, y’know...?”

Yuusuke laughed bitterly. “Yeah. That’s part of the problem, isn’t it? She’s a human. A really fragile one, too.... Don’t look at me like that! Look at her! I know she’s tougher than a lot of humans but she’s still a regular human. Besides...” Yuusuke sighed and stared down at his hands. “It’s my fault for... not.... being.... right.”

“Urameshi.... I-I think y’could get over her bein’ human. I know it’ll be tough. Her bein’ so much less.... I dunno! I don’t get why yer so down on yerself.” Kuwabara patted Yuusuke on the back. Yuusuke didn’t tense up at all this time which was better than usual. “”She seemed pretty happy with ya in spite of whatever y’think’s wrong.”

Yuusuke looked up at Kuwabara and patted the redhead on the cheek. His hand lingered perhaps a moment too long before he pulled away, stretching like it was no big deal. “I’m not cut out for marriage. Not to her, that’s for sure. I’m not the man she deserves to be with.”

“Why not? Yer just as good a man as any!” Kuwabara was grasping at straws here. He couldn’t have Yuusuke thinking he was worthless as a man!

“No... No, I mean... Well, fuck, you’re a better man than I am. Hell. But I didn’t say I was bad or anything.” Yuusuke shrugged. “I’m just not right for Keiko. Understand? We’re not as perfect as you thought. I’m not mad or anything. I’ll be okay. We’re still friends. I mean, hell, she took it worse than I did, I think.... I dunno, hard to tell with Keiko.”

“I thought she broke up with you.” Kuwabara gave Yuusuke a sideways look.

“Yeah. And it was really hard for her so just.... don’t even bring it up to her. I’ll be okay. I think she’ll be fine too, but.... uh, yeah, the girl really loves me.” Yuusuke rubbed his cheek and looked at Kuwabara’s face again. “How come you already got stubble?”

Kuwabara laughed, glad Yuusuke had changed the subject. “Maybe it’s because I’m a better man, huh?”

For the first time in a while, Yuusuke laughed too.

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The Art of Loving Oneself