Adult-FanFiction.org : YuYu Hakusho

AFRAID TO LOVE	By : ShioriFoxiesMom Category: Yuyu Hakusho > Yaoi - Male/Male > Hiei/Kurama Views: 8987 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuYu Hakusho. Yu Yu Hakusho and it's characters are property of Yoshihiro Togashi, Fugi TV, Shueisha, Jump Comics and Studio Pierrot. The only thing I own is a love for Yu Yu Hakusho and it's characters. I make no money from

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Hey everyone, I know it�s been forever since I�ve updated, but after you read my note I�m sure you�ll forgive me. Oh, and I swear my personal life had no influence on this chapter. I�ve had most of this story planned in my head for a long time.

For those of you that have been reading my author notes you know my oldest sister was diagnosed with cancer in November and then got very sick with an infection. Well, she passed away last month and I�ve had a lot on my plate. Her funeral was March 6^th, the second anniversary of my brother�s death.

She�s has been my mom since our mother died when I was a teenager. Her sons and her grandson are like my other children. If you follow my life through these notes you may remember my nephew committed suicide last June. That was her oldest boy. His son stays with us off and on, and now we�re waiting to see if he will come live with us or with his grandfather.

I sure as hell hope life settles down now. I�ll bet you�re as anxious as I am to see where this story goes. Thank you all for your patience and support. I�m going to play on your sympathies now and ask you all to review. Lots and lots of reviews would sure lift my spirits.

Chapter 8

Standing in the road in front of his childhood home, Kurama doubted he�d be welcome. With a sigh, he bypassed the front door and slipped through the narrow passage between the houses to the small garden in back. Opening the gate, Kurama felt a twinge of guilt when he realized how much he had been neglecting his mother�s garden the past few weeks.

Kurama�s guilt didn�t only extend to the garden. Though he and Shiori hadn�t actually fought, he was still avoiding her like any child that had disappointed his mother. Disgusted with how pathetic that thought made him, Kurama turned his attention to the garden.

Almost two hours passed before he heard the back door open. Without looking up from his work, Kurama knew that it wasn�t his mother, but his stepfather that had discovered him. �The garden looks amazing Shuuichi. Your mother always said you could work magic with her garden, but I�ll bet she never dreamt it was demon magic.�

Grateful for Kazuya�s attempt at humor, Kurama tried to smile. �It will be nice not to have to sneak around anymore� that is if she ever speaks to me again.�

Kazuya placed a reassuring hand on the redhead�s shoulder. �She�s been very upset at the way the two of you parted after the wedding. She�s been waiting for you to come talk to her. When you didn�t call I finally convinced her to go visit her sister for a few days. When she comes home and sees how beautiful you�ve made her garden again, she�ll be sorry she missed you.�

Kurama sighed. �I know should have come sooner, but I needed some time to think. I realize that I didn�t handle things very well with Hiei, but I don�t think there�s anything I can do about that now. I only hope I can make things right with Mother and move on.�

Kazuya shook his head. �That�s too bad Son. Your mother and I thought the two of you made a very nice couple.�

Finishing up, Kurama turned to the older man. �Thank you Father. It�s getting late, I�d better get going. Ask Mother to call me when she gets back.�

Nodding, Kazuya walked with him to the gate. �It�s Friday, you must be meeting up with your friends tonight.�

Unable to meet his eyes, Kurama shook his head. �Actually, no. It�s been a long week and I�m looking forward to a quiet night at home.�

Kurama didn�t tell Kazuya that both Yusuke and Kuwabara had tried to call him but he hadn�t answered. Nor did he mention that he was intentionally distancing himself from them so that Hiei would be free to visit his sister without running into him. That it was the least he could do after hurting Hiei as he had.

After bidding his step-father good night, Kurama walked home. Standing in his empty apartment, contemplating another night alone, Kurama knew he had no one to blame but himself.

XXXXX

A few days later Kurama made up with Shiori, but somehow things between them still felt strained. Yusuke called and Kurama had finally agreed to meet him and Kuwabara at the roman shop. From the way Yusuke slammed his hands down on the table and yelled at him, it was obvious he didn�t like what Kurama had just told him. �What the hell do you mean you won�t be coming around anymore? We�ve been friends a long time Kurama, you don�t just throw something like that away!�

Annoyed, Kuwabara grunted. �Urameshi, he threw Hiei away like yesterday�s garbage, what makes you think he�d treat us any better?�

Kurama flinched. Even though he probably deserved the comment, it still stung. �Kuwabara, I didn�t throw Hiei away, we broke up. Actually, Hiei is my reason for distancing myself from the group. Not counting that bitch Mukuro and her cold fortress, the temple and all of you are the closest thing Hiei has to a real home and family. I don�t want to be the person that keeps Hiei from his home and his family.�

Placing emphasis on the word family, Kurama gave Yusuke a look. Yusuke realized that Kurama wanted Hiei to continue to be able to visit his sister. �Damn Kurama, there�s got to be some other way.�

Giving him a smile, Kurama shrugged. �I wish there were Yusuke, but for now, this is the best I can do. Maybe after some time has passed we can work something else out.�

Begrudgingly, Kuwabara nodded. �I may not always get along with the Shrimp, but I�m glad you�re thinking of him. It would be nice if you two could be friends again some day.�

With a sad smile, Kurama agreed. �There�s nothing I�d like more Kuwabara.�

XXXXX

Over the next few weeks Kurama came to realize just how much he needed and missed his friends. He tried going out with a few people from work one night, only to suffer a long boring evening with near strangers. He�d even gone on two dates, one male, one female, and was even more disappointed when he found he wasn�t the slightest bit attracted to either of the weak, simple-minded humans.

Deciding he needed a change of pace, Kurama wandered through the mall, window shopping and contemplating what to pick up for dinner. When his cell phone rang, he glanced at it, then fought the urge to answer when he saw it was Yusuke. That would be the third call from him today.

Over the past few weeks both Yusuke and Kuwabara had made multiple attempts to lure him back to the group. In fact he was fairly sure when he checked his voicemail there would be an urgent message that they needed him for some trivial matter. Sure enough a moment later his phone beeped that there was a new voice mail.

Ignoring it, Kurama strolled leisurely through the jewelry department. Deep down the Youko in him was dying to pilfer one of the shiny bobbles that always caught his eye. Resisting the urge, Kurama made his way to the men�s wear department. Maybe a nice new shirt would distract him.

An hour later, having bought nothing, Kurama was walking home when his phone rang again. Deciding it was time to tell Yusuke to leave him alone, he answered without looking. �Damn it Yusuke. I thought I told you to stop��

Kurama was cut off by the frantic sound of his mother�s voice. �Shuuichi! Oh gods Shuuichi, where have you been? Something horrible has happened! I need you to come home right now!�

Hearing his mother�s cry, Kurama broke into a run. �Calm down Mother. I�ll be right there.�

Not waiting for her replay, Kurama hung up and ran faster. In the fifteen minutes it took him to get to his parent�s house, Kurama�s mind was spinning with ideas as to what could have upset her so much. Rushing into the house Kurama was relieved when he saw Shiori sitting on the sofa, though it was obvious she�d been crying. Kazuya sat beside her with an around her, attempting to comfort her.

Kurama�s relief that both his parents were alright was short lived when he saw Yusuke sitting across from them. The moment the Toushin stood and sad brown eyes met his, Kurama�s heart began to pound. He�d never seen that look in Yusuke�s eyes before and he was certain that he didn�t want to see it now.

Even though no words had passed between them yet, Shiori began to cry just watching them. When Yusuke turned and took a step towards him, Kurama shook his head and took a step back. A feeling of dread was washing over him and it only intensified when Yusuke tried to speak and faltered. �K�Kur�ama��

When Yusuke reached out, Kurama took another step back, shaking his head again. �No.�

Yusuke took a deep breath, then clenched his fists as if trying to find the strength to speak. �Kurama� it�s Hiei��

Still shaking his head, Kurama cut him off. �No! Don�t say it Yusuke! Don�t you dare. Not my H�Hiei.�

Hearing Kurama�s voice break at his lover�s name, Yusuke knew he didn�t need to finish. Unfortunately, the words had to be said. �I�m sorry Kurama. Mukuro sent word this morning. Hiei was k�killed in an explosion.�

Kurama�s whole body went numb and he collapsed to his knees. Tears welled in his big green eyes as he looked up at Yusuke. Still shaking his head, Kurama shouted at him. �No! You�re lying! There has to be a mistake! I�d know it if anything happened to my Dragon!�

Kneeling before him, Yusuke reached out to stroke Kurama�s red hair. �I wish I were lying Kurama, but the message came directly from Mukuro.�

Tears spilled down Kurama�s cheeks as the reality of what Yusuke said sunk in. With his own heart aching for his long time friend, Yusuke reached out and pulled the redhead into his arm. Trembling, Kurama clung to him and cried softly. �H� he can�t be gone Yusuke. Not my sweet little H�Hiei. I need to tell him how so�sorry I am, and that I never meant to h�hurt him.�

With Kurama cradled in his arms, Yusuke just let him cry. �Wh� what am I going to do Yusuke? How am I going to live without him? Oh gods, I�ve been such a fool. I thought if I let him go I couldn�t get h�hurt again. All I did was hurt us both. Now my precious Dragon is g�gone, and I can�t even tell him how much I love him.�

Yusuke didn�t know how long he sat comforting his friend, before Kurama�s tears finally stopped and he raised his head. �Does Yukina know?�

Tenderly, Yusuke brushed away Kurama�s tears as he nodded. �Only that he�s gone.�

Both men looked at each other a moment before Kurama said what was on both their minds. �We should tell her the truth Yusuke. There�s no reason to keep his secret now. Besides, it will give her the closure she needs to finally stop looking for her brother.�

With a sigh, Yusuke nodded. �I agree, but I think you should be the one to tell her.�

Standing, Yusuke helped Kurama up. Seeing Shiori watching them anxiously, Kurama was unable to meet her gaze. Rising, Shiori rushed to her son but he held up his hand, refusing to accept her comfort. �Please Mother, I must not give in to my grief now. Yusuke and I have to go to the temple. I�ll call you later.�

Not waiting for her response, Kurama tuned and left. Behind him, Yusuke gave her a sad smile. �Don�t worry Shiori, I�ll keep an eye on him.�

XXXXX

Climbing to the top of the temple steps with Yusuke, Kurama was so laden with grief he wondered how his legs could even carry him. Around him, Kurama could hear the mournful cries of his plants as they sensed their master�s despair. For the first time, no one rushed out to greet them. Entering the temple Kurama saw Kuwabara first. Choked with his own grief, the big man simply sighed and nodded them towards the living room.

Going into the living room, Kurama found Yukina and Keiko sitting together on the sofa. Seeing him, Keiko rose and gave him a tearful hug. �Oh Kurama, I�m so sorry.�

�Thank you Keiko.� Kurama returned her hug before moving past her to sit beside Yukina. Ruby eyes, so like Hiei�s swam with tears as she looked up at him. �Kurama, how could this have happened? It hurts so much.�

Gathering Yukina into his arms, Kurama stroked her hair. Struggling to control his own tears, Kurama drew a deep breath. �I know Yukina, but we must be strong. Hiei would be upset if he knew he were the reason for your tears.�

Drawing a shaky breath, Yukina pulled back and nodded. �Yes, you�re right Kurama. Hiei would want us to be strong.�

Reaching for a tissue from the box on the table, Yukina dried her eyes. �I�m so glad you�re back Kurama. We should be together at a time like this.�

Kurama looked around at his friends. Kuwabara had moved to sit beside his wife. Yusuke stood with Keiko in his arms. With a resigned sigh, Kurama turned back to Yukina. �Yukina, there is something very difficult I need to tell you. I�m sorry you didn�t know this sooner, but Hiei forbid it. Believe me, I tried many times to get him to tell you, but Hiei was convinced he was protecting you by protecting his secret.�

A confused frown furrowed Yukina�s brow. �Kurama, what secret could Hiei have had that he felt he needed to protect me from?�

Glancing at Yusuke, Kurama saw him nod before answering. �Yukina, Hiei was� your brother.�

The little Koorime gasped at his words. As she stared at him, Kurama tried to explain. �When Hiei received his Jagan eye, the surgeon asked why he wanted it. He told Shiguri that he wanted the Jagan to find and protect his sister. That bastard then made it a condition of their contract that Hiei could never reveal his true identity to you. Later, when we found out the truth, he swore Yusuke, Koenma and myself to secrecy.�

Turning, Yukina looked at her husband. �Kazuma, did you know?�

Kuwabara shook his head. �No Sweetheart, I swear. I would never have kept something so important from you.�

Taking her hand, Kurama drew her attention back to him. �It�s true Yukina, Kuwabara knew nothing.�

Snatching her hand from his, Yukina shocked them all, especially Kurama when she slapped him across the face and shouted. �You did though Kurama! You knew the horrible life my brother had! You know how vulnerable he� Hiei was! Yet you still used him and threw him away! You�re no better than the Koorime that took him from me! You�re the reason my brother left me and now he�s dead! Get out! I never want to see you again!�

Stunned, Kurama just stared at her. After a moment he whispered. �I�m sorry.�

As Kurama rose and moved to leave, Yusuke�s hand on his arm stopped him. �Kurama��

Looking at his friend, Kurama shook his head. �No Yusuke, she�s right. It is my fault. Hiei would be here, safe with us if I hadn�t been such a fool. If only I had worried less about being hurt myself and more about the man I loved, then Hiei would be alive right now.�

Pulling from Yusuke�s grasp, Kurama walked out. Not even sure where he was going, Kurama found himself standing in Hiei�s little house at the east end of the temple grounds. Looking around the bedroom he had shared with his lover, Kurama had never felt so lost and alone.

Suddenly sensing Yusuke approach, Kurama pushed open the bedroom window and slipped through it. The moment his feet hit the ground, Kurama began to run. When he sensed Yusuke following him, Kurama quickly tangled the Toushin in plants and opened a portal to Makai. A moment later the plants dropped Yusuke to the ground. Knowing Kurama was gone, Yusuke swore. �Damn it Kurama, what the hell are you doing?�
- 7
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- 9
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AFRAID TO LOVE