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Selfish Desire	By : choukitsune Category: Yuyu Hakusho > General Views: 3898 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuYu Hakusho, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
By Youko Starr

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

�I apologize for running away the way I did, Yukina-san. It was rather
cowardly to leave you alone to face those monsters,� one of the returned
youkai expressed regretfully. The tiny female animal spirit, which seemed to
be a monkey youkai judging by her tail and facial features, was even smaller
Yuk Yukina in stature, in weight, and obviously not built for
battle or hardship of any kind. It was no wonder that she had made the journey
to Ningenkai in search of a safer way of living. �I am Noobutsu and in your
service.� Her smile was genuine, set within a small face surrounded by curls
of reddish brown hair. Her nose, small and button like, was beneath two large
hazel eyes. Her cream colored silks allowed the freedom of a long monkey tail
to curl behind her.

After Yukina rendered the attackers defenseless, she leaned outside of the
door of the shrine, calling them back and announcing that the safety of the
temple had returned. Eventually, two had crept back, peering around for signs
of danger incase Yukina had been forced to betray them by the brutes.
Discovering that the Koorime had handled the problem had been a shocking blow,
and given them much to consider.

If such a creature can overcome hostile demons of their class, perhaps
one day I too can defend myself and return to my homeworld, were a shared
thought among the immigrants.

�I, too, should seek forgiveness for running away, Yukina-san. You offered
us a home, and showed us kindness, and we abandoned you when things became
dangerous. I, Makoto, am also in your service,� the cat youkai told her,
lowering into a deep and respectful bow. He was pale-skinned, unlike the
robust and tanned Noobutsu, and the long strands of his blue-gray hair were
tugged into a loose pony-tail at the center of his back. He wore blue hakama,
and a white haori tied by a navy sash.

�Oh, no!� Yukina replied before the apologizing could continue. �It�s
alright. It was my duty to protect you, as it was the reason you traveled so
far. Don�t feel bad for running away, those monsters would have harmed you.�
She smiled, her expression warm and caring. �The only thing I ask is that you
help me carry my oniisan and his mate into the bedchamber.� Then, as an
afterthought, she pursed her lips and continued, �They won�t move. Hiei-san is
in a meditative state and should awaken later this evening.�

�He has a jagan,� Noobutsu commented. �Is he performing a linking?�

Yukina nodded softly, as the two smaller youkai took Hiei by the feet, and
she carried him by the shoulders. �A strange malady of the mind overtook
Kurama-san, and it was the only way to fix it.�

�A dangerous task,� Makoto murmured. �I pray that your oniisan has the
mental fortitude and endurance. A linking is perhaps one of the most dangerous
tricks of a Jagan.�

Yukina�s aqua brows rose. �It is?� she asked. The trio set Hiei into the
chair he had occupied. Yukina propped him up with sisterly care before
they returned for Kurama, who was heavier, and took more time to move.

�Very. But we should not worry, considering the many and great
things I have heard of Hiei the swordsman, heir to Mukuro. He is a strong
warrior. My brother departed our lands to journey to Alaric to join General
Hiei�s army.�

Yukina smiled again. It was a relief that the two newest tenants were so
kind and polite. Usually, the boarders were unable to hold even two sentences
of conversation with her. �Is that why you came to Ningenkai?�

�Without my brother, survival did become more difficult, but I worried more
that his concern about my safety would compromise his job. He suggested that I
come here, and mentioned that his general had a kind sister who allowed
peaceful apparitions to live in her shrine.�

�I heard something similar,� Makoto agreed. Kurama was laid across the
futon again, and the three departed the chamber, Yukina closing the door
behind them. �We nekojin are not known for our offensive prowess, or our
defensive either. In a land where my liver could be considered a delicacy, I
didn�t feel very safe. I heard about this shrine from a hiyoukai who told me
of how he lived in this temple for a year, training with some ex-spirit
detective who didn�t hate him for being what he was. He said he felt safe when
he returned to our world, because he could protect himself better.�

�Kazuma-san would be pleased to know that Kaiei benefited from their
lessons in ki materialization. I remember they spent many longer hours
training and practicing so that Kaiei could manifest a sword of fire to defend
himself and fight.�

�He�s become very strong,� the nekojin informed her. �He�s well on his way
to becoming a B-class youkai now. Your powerful human friend should be
returning shortly, shouldn�t he? I�ve been anxious to meet him.�

�I as well. I never imagined I would be so lucky to have the opportunity to
meet both the spirit detective, and Youko Kurama. Is he as ruthless as the
legends and rumors say?� Noobutsu asked worriedly.

At the mention of Kuwabara, Yukina�s eyes moistened with unshed tears.
However, none fell, merely shimmering at the corners of her crimson eyes. �I�m
sorry that I had to lie before, but Kazuma-san is no longer among the living.
He was killed a few days ago.�

The startled monkey spirit and cat apparitions blinked. �How could this
be?� Noobutsu whispered. �Was it a strong youkai opponent that felled him?�
The disappointment and sadness was apparent.

Yukina nodded confirmation, then sighed. �It wasn�t an apparition that
killed Kazuma-san. Sit down, while I make you some tea, and I�ll tell you
everything that happened��

***

Pandemonium. Complete and utter chaos was what Hiei discovered in the
depths of Kurama�s mind. There was no separation between thoughts, and
everything sloppily ran together like a half mixed bucket of paint.

Surely, the fox�s subconscious is not always in this state of disorder.
When I observed his memories, his thoughts were collected, but this is
mayhem...How will I ever find him in this mess?

Pieces of memories, old and new, present and long past floated about in
shattered pieces. Images of things that occurred through Kurama�s time as a
thief, had merged with memories of his time as a human.

As a traveler of Kurama�s subconscious, Hiei was able to assume a physical
form, since the Jagan had the ability to make the mind a separate dimension
from the reality of the outside world. Each memory, and every thought, had an
auditory or visual manifestation, although they varied in shape and size. Each
floated around in its own pattern, collecting in different areas of the chasm
that symbolized Kurama�s debilitated psyche.

Chasm? It was damned near a fucking canyon! And he was certain that
it shouldn�t be there. Did my Jagan do this to him? Hiei wondered,
walking towards the edge to peer down into a valley of clouded nothingness too
dense to peer through. It was impossible to judge what lay at its bottom. At
this point, he was uncertain if it even had one. He was certain that if he
tried he could clear the gap between one side and the other, but it
would be a risk. If he were to become lost in here�his living body would
become a vegetable.

And he could never forgive himself if he became a burden on Yukina for the
rest of their existence. His twin would never stop caring for him, and would
do so until the day one of them died.

What have I done? Hiei traveled the length of the chasm that
separated the two planes. At one time, it had been a clearing, he was certain.
A menagerie of Kurama�s thoughts, memories, emotions, feelings, and desires
all within the mental terrain that suited him the most. It was still
beautiful, in some ways, if one could ignore the deep, foreboding crevice
stretching through it.

He dashed until he found what he was searching for; a bridge
connecting the chasm above. Below, a dam separated a mountain of memories from
the empty canyon on the other side. If I destroy it� The mind, which
couldn�t exist without the basis of reality, fortunately allowed his hiyoukai
powers. He was just about to blast the dam to smithereens when he saw the
figure standing atop it, staring at him through emptmotimotionless eyes.
�Kurama?�

The figure made no movement, nor did it create any sound to indicate it
heard him. It merely stood there, on top of the dam, making it impossible to
destroy it, unless Hiei wished to kill Kurama�s subconscious manifestation as
well.

Hiei leapt down onto the dam without giving it further thought or
contemplation. The manifestation of Kurama watched him approach, silent the
entire time. �Kurama? Why don�t you speak?�

�I hate you,� the manifestation answered. Its empty green eyes stared
coldly back at him. Those emerald orbs reflected none of the emotion of the
real Kurama that Hiei had grown to love.

�You aren�t Kurama,� Hiei then answered. The real fox would never say that
to him, not after he had gone to such limits to show Hiei the truth, and to
gain his forgiveness. �You are a pitiful excuse for an imposter.�

�I am no imposter,� the red-haired figure spoke when Hiei made ready for
the attack to destroy it. �To destroy me, would be to destroy a vital part of
my subconscious. I am the part of Kurama that represents the resentment
towards you. For seven years, I have lived a life of loneliness, avoiding
friendship and throwing myself into work. I had neither mate, lover, or friend
because the memory of what we had was too painful. I kept my suffering to
myself, knowing that admittance and the seeking of your forgiveness would only
gain your amusement.�

�That�s not fucking true and you know it,� Hiei argued. �I would have never
laughed at the fox if he came to me in Alaric. I was angry at him, but not
enough to ridicule him.�

�I have been unable to move on, nor have I enjoyed my human life the way I
once did. You refused to admit to your own wrongdoing.�

�Hn. Then I admit that I should have never left the fox alone in Ningenkai.
The give and take of our relationship was imbalanced. If I can repair the
problem within his mind today, I will do whatever I can to right the wrongs of
eight years ago.�

�You will return to Alaric.�

�I will split my time between Ningenkai and Makai.�

�Do you promise?�

�I give my word,� Hiei pledged. The manifestation nodded, then turned
towards the pit.

�Then there is no need for me to exist within his surface thoughts any
longer. Farewell.� It turned, and leapt clear into the abyss, leaving Hiei to
return to the upper level and crossed the bridge.

�I guess this means I wasn�t supposed to destroy the dam,� he muttered as
he reached the other side, and began to push through the thickets of memories
long past.

***

�So this device called a �gun� killed the great human detective? He should
have died in battle against a worthy foe,� Makoto lamented.

�Many others have said the same words. I�m sorry that he wasn�t here to
help the two of you develop your fighting skills,� Yukina apologized, serving
each apparition tea.

�It is not you that should apologize, Yukina-san,� Noobutsu reassured her.
�It worries me slightly that the Ningenkai isn�t as safe as I believed, but it
is an improvement over the daily hunting I endured in Makai. Like the nekojin
liver, the brains of our kind are considered rare and expensive delicacies in
most meat markets.�

Yukina frowned. She had been pampered on the floating island, never knowing
such fear. Briefly, she had traveled through the Reikai and Makai in search of
Hiei, but she had been able to evade trouble easily before her capture by
Tarukane. Lately, if she were to travel in Makai, it was likely the mere
mention of being Hiei�s sister would protect her from those fearing his wrath.
�Where are the others who ran away? They should have returned by now.�

�Most of us split into different directions when the beasts began to
attack, Yukina-san. I saw several of the weaker E-inferior apparitions run
into the nearby forest. I would not venture into it, because the aura of the
forest gave me an uncomfortable feeling,� Makoto told hetilltill feeling
shameful for his earlier beor. or.

The Koorime gasped out loud. �That forest is too dangerous for them. Oh, I
do hope they find their ways out, or that Hiei-san awakens soon to find them.�

Noobutsu glanced at the door leading to the hall that the three of them had
carried Hiei and Kurama into. �Your brother is strong. I am sure he will be
among us again shortly�and if not, worry not about the others in the forest,
but about the two who are slowly thawing out in the center of the shrine.�

The snow woman nodded, then turned to the two ice statues, lowering the
temperature below freezing point once more�

***

Not even a mountain could stop Hiei from accomplishing his goals. When he
had seen the top of it, slowly emerging and growing in the distance the closer
he approached, he had scoffed and continued as if it were nothing. Even now,
it was nothing, and he merely climbed it in a series of quick little jumps
from ledge to rocky ledge, wasting no time in between to judge thetanctance
from his current position to the top�or the bottom.

He had been climbing for at least five minutes, and even with his speed, he
seemed nowhere close to reaching the top of the mountain that blocked his
path. It stretched for as far as he could see, making it impossible to simply
dash around and cross it at one of its lowest points.

The mountain couldn�t stop him, but it sure was wearing on his nerves, and
ironing them dangerously thin. The hiyoukai sighed and balanced on the ledge,
holding onto a rocky outcropping, and craning his neck to gauge how much
distance he had to leap to reach the top. One look was enough to make him feel
every bit the fool he probably was.

Hiei glanced down to confirm his thoughts, and saw he was no more than
perhaps twenty yards from the ground. How five minutes of leaping and jumping
could equate to twenty yards, he was unsure, but according to his eyes, t

was how high from the ground he was. �Fuck the mountain, I�ll just destroy the
entire thing,� he cursed, leaping down to the ground and practically ripping
off his tunic, only to realize that his kokuryuuha powers may not have the
desired effects in the subconscious of another person. He sighed, then gazed
upward at the bleak, nothing-filled sky of Kurama�s mind, then at the literal
mountain in his way.

�Always looking for the easy way out, aren�t you, Hiei?� a soft alto called
from above. Hiei blinked, his eyes lowering down the side of the mountain
until waves of red hair came into view. Kurama leaned over the side of one of
the lower cliffs, peering down at him. �You�ve always given up and forced us
to pick up the slack for you. Your entire life has been just that.�

�Bullshit,� the jaganshi snarled. �You of all people know how untrue that
is, Kurama. When the rest of you gave up, I at least tried until we were
certain there was no other way.�

�Then, if that is true, why did you give up on us and hide away in the
Makai when I needed you?�

Hiei swallowed, his mouth going dry as the fox leaned away from the ledge,
and leapt up a dozen or so feet, beginning to climb in the same manner that
Hiei had, except with a much more elegant twist to each of his movements. The
fire demon followed, struggling to keep up with the much more agile fox, despite his own enhanced speed.

�Ready to give up yet, Hiei? Why have you come here? To give it a feeble
try and then leave when it becomes too tough?� Kurama asked, pausing on a
ledge and reaching into his brilliant auburn locks to remove his rose. A flick
of his wrist later, his rose whip uncoiled, and snapped with accuracy and
precision at the ledges below that were necessary for Hiei to advance.

�What the hell are you doing, Kurama?� Hiei blinked at him, the tip of one
fang showing as his features twisted into an angry grimace.

�Waiting for you to disappoint me as always, Hiei,� the fox murmured
forlornly.

Hiei gritted his te the then judged the distance necessary for his jumps.
The rocky outcroppings and cliffs made it difficult to gauge whether or not he
could make a straight jump upwards. He could leap rather high, but a wrong
step or landing could result in him bouncing backwards and tumbling to the
ground below. Surviving such a fall in the real worluld uld be easy, but what
would happen in the chaotic inner regions of Kurama�s mind?

He chanced it, and bent his knees slightly, before jumping with every bit
of strength he had. He came shy of the ledge by a few mere inches, and grabbed
at the edge with his fingers, holding on for dear life and slowly pulling
himself up.

�This means absolutely nothing,� Kurama told him without turning around.
�The quitter in you will soon emerge.�

�You aren�t the Kurama I know,� Hiei hissed. �The Kurama I loved would have
never done that, and he wouldn�t have stood by as I tried to climb up, not if
he could have helped.�

�No�I am not the Kurama you knew. I am the Kurama that waited for you to
visit him in Ningenkai. I am the Kurama that wasted several years of solitude
wishing you would look for him so we could begin anew.� The redhead gave him a
wan smile. �As disappointment continued to build, I was manifested to harbor
some of the hopelessness in Kurama�s heart. But now that you�ve proved me
wrong, and I am no longer needed, I will offer you assistance in clearing
the mountain, then bid you farewell.�

The kitsune climbed the mountainside in several jumps, then lowered his
whip for Hiei to climb. Together, they made it over the top, and the descent
came easily. At the other side, the manifestation turned to him once more. �I
must remain here. Each of us that you meet must be sent to our proper place
within the mind in order for it to begin working properly again. I cannot tell
you what to do with the others, because I do not know, but I can say this;
some of us will take more than a simple convincing with words or simple actions, Hiei. I can only sense that the rest of the challenge that lay ahead, are more twisted than I and my predecessor.�

�Hn.� Figures.

Hiei strode forward, without looking back. He could already smell the blood
in the air, and he could only wonder what the next manifestation had planned.

A/N: Noobutsu and Makoto were just names I made up on the spot, If they
mean something in Japanese, it wasn�t intentional. My website is under
construction, after going through a major overhaul, so if you wanna see it you
can go to http://www.angelfire.com/scary/dreamkitsune I'm almost finished with
the YYH section of my fan fics.

Reviewer Thanks (Trying to do them in order. Gee I hope I don�t miss any of
you guys. I�m real bad at remembering who I responded to and who I didn�t
yet.)

Spede: I really wanted to try to show that Yukina wasn�t some useless child
that can only heal their bruises and ouchies every once and a while. Glad you
liked that part, and even more glad that you see how much of a loyal and
courageous guy Kuwabara can be!

Keaira: I didn�t think I heard the narrator call him 300 years old. Stupid
FUNimation people and translators are going to feel rather foolish indeed when
episode 100 comes around. Thanks for the good luck, I need it. I spent half
the weekend reading through a bunch of your stories *sigh* So sweet, I missed
reading good K/H.

Skittles: There you are! For a moment I thought I�d lost you! Thanks for
reviewing and letting me know you�re still a reader.

Kuroi: I figured you lost internet access when I read that you were in
trouble. I�ve been keeping up with live journal although I lost it�again.
Stupid favorites never keep track of anything I want them to lately.

KayKurama: We�ll find out what happens to Kurama soon! One more chapter.

Kitsune-Michiko: Thanks!

Spede: Thank you! Hope the Hiei tasks are up to your expectations when I
finish with them.

Sweet Chaos: Thank you very much. Now that I�ve finished one of my stories,
I have more time for this one.

Kuramagal: Thank you for the kind words, I like addicting people to my fics
like crack muahaha.

Katarica: You finally started posting again! I tried to write a lemon, then
I was like �I suck!� and I stopped. Woe is me.

KuramaandHiei4ever: Thank you for always getting my chapters back to me so
quickly. I�m sure everyone else thanks you too. You�ve always returned them in
an amazing amount of time.

Everqueen: Update, woman�I�m waiting. Kidding. I�ll be patient, the longer
I wait the better the chapter will be, ne? Hope these two last chapters
weren�t disappointing.

Sisko: I take that as a good reaction, yes?

Ashley: Ahh, corrupting the minds of those who go to school is what makes
it all worthwhile. Hope you liked these chapters too.

Senaca: Thank you.

Kenya: Thanks. I wasn�t much of a Kuwabara fan at first until I realized he
was the most honest, trustworthy, and loyal of the entire group. Some people
might say that makes him boring and annoying but I think that�s a wonderful
character, and I hope I got that across in the role I gave him.

Ms. Bitz: You always make me giggle with your reviews. Good thing Yukina
could stop them, huh?

Catherine: Thank you. I�ve been a bit behind but I should catch up now.

Kiarademongoddess: I feel like my fic is a cheap drug. O_o
Ataure: Its cool. I was stuck with the CN episodes for a long time, what a relief it was to finally see the originals. There's still a -few- here and there that I haven't seen in the third season, but I'm getting caught up on those completely.
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